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Susan D Young
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I don't usually comment on sponsored posts or even typically READ the stupid things on any social network. However, there was this "fashion" article sponsored on Facebook telling women they have to retire certain articles of clothing as they get older and literally putting expirations on them at certain ages and it was too absurd to not speak up. You can pry my fun tshirts I should have retired 2 years ago out of my cold, dead fingers jerkwads. My expression of my personality isn't a rancid gallon of milk that needs to be tossed.

Nice, humanity. I just saw church acceptance of LGBTQ people described as giving them "a comfortable ride to hell". If I'm on a "comfortable ride" to hell, does this come with wine? In flight meal? I'll take the fish and a pinot grigio, thanks.

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It's Bi Visibility Day and there's been an amazing discussion all day on Twitter under the #MyBisexualityIs  hashtag. Glaad has put together an article featuring several of the tweets. Check it out and you'll see a familiar face.

I've never had a gym instructor that annoyed me. Tonight's substitute teacher changed that. I was doing a difficult bicep exercise and she came over to help me with my form. I nailed it, but of course I made a face with gritted teeth since I was concentrating and it was not an easy task. She said, "Now smile and be pretty while you do it!" She was not joking. 

I didn't say what popped into my head which was something along the lines of "Are you f***ing kidding me?", but I think my face said it for me. I just looked at her and told her I've had bitchy resting face all day. She laughed and left me alone about it after that.

An hour later and I'm still going "SERIOUSLY???"

Nicholas: If the zombie apocalypse happened, I'd find the highest mountain I could to set up a radio station and warn people of the incoming horde.
This is the kind of thing I ask him about after a drink. I am never disappointed.

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My story about past workplace abuse at a "Christian" organization just got published.  I get nauseous just thinking about it, but it must be told so hopefully it doesn't get repeated any more than has already happened.

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I just realized I didn't share this over here. A couple of weeks ago, I was a guest on a podcast called The Nexus to discuss depression and suicide. It was a difficult conversation and one where I got more open and vulnerable than I generally do on the subject, but I believe it was worth it.

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A few days ago, I shared a written piece about suicide and depression and how people respond to the struggles of those of us battling this horrible mental illness. Now I've joined Neal Campbell on his podcast The Nexus to go more in depth.

Depression, suicide, and assumptions that make it worse

Considering recent news, most folks on my friend list have been very good about commiserating in our sadness about losing Robin Williams and sharing resources for help when dealing with depression and suicidal ideations. Overall, the reaction from people I know has been encouraging in that we, as a society, seem to be making good progress when it comes to understanding depression as an illness that needs treatment rather than a choice someone can magically snap out of. This post isn't for you.

That being said, it’s incredibly disheartening to still see people talking about suicide as though it were selfish, cowardly, or the “easy” way out. When you claim to understand depression, but then treat a symptom of the disorder as though it were a choice that someone could simply walk away from, you don't understand this level of depression. Maybe you understand a depression that still needs medical intervention, but you don't understand severe, suicidal depression.

Hi, I've been dealing with chronic depression that comes complete with suicidal ideations at least every few months for the last 18 years. There have been times when suicidal tendencies were less of a thought than an obsession. You've probably heard the phrase "everyone has their breaking point." It's true. Getting there would have been scary if I could actually feel it. 

At the worst of it, I hadn't felt anything for months. No sadness, joy, humor, pain, love, happiness - nothing. Even physical sensation was dulled. I wasn't always aware of things like when my husband reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. It was some strange, extended sensory deprivation inflicted by my brain. Somewhere in all that I realized that I wasn't living, so there wasn't really any point in being alive. I came to that point with the emotional detachment of a Vulcan. I could even argue my point logically with someone who was not depressed for what I considered my euthanasia - not my suicide. The next step was hours upon hours of research - of course clearing my search history afterward. I'm being intentionally vague about this part of my story. A depressed person can get there on their own and if any depressed friend of mine reads this, you're not going to find a checklist of search criteria and debate points.

The only thing that kept me alive was knowing how much pain I would cause my husband. I couldn't feel the emotion that went with that thought, but I remembered things like pain and grief. It kept me alive long enough to finally accept some help, but you can't live for someone else forever. In this case, I was quite literally living for him. Even those arguments wear down and the distorted thoughts of a depressed mind say he'd be better off in the long run. Not everyone makes it to the point of being able to get help, either from not knowing how to get it or being unwilling to accept it, which is also part of the disease.

If anyone reading this thinks it's easy, cowardly, or selfish to end a ones own life after months or possibly years of mental torture and fully believing that your loved ones will be better off, then you can just move on now. Unfriend me, don't talk to me, forget about me. Why? Because if I'm ever there again, then the fact is I would rather face it alone and die than tell anyone so ignorant and judgmental I'm thinking of hurting myself. Anyone like that is not my friend.

I know I'm not alone. Any of your friends who saw that armchair expert post about Robin Williams or anyone else who has taken their own life won't reach out for help if they want to die. Not from you. Think about that. Think for a long time about it.

Do your research. Learn what mental illness is. Make yourself a safe person to talk to.

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I don't post here often, but I'm going to start trying to stay more in touch here.

If anyone here wants to know what I've been up to lately, I've been podcasting! I've linked the latest episode below in which I nearly sabotage another show on the podcast network with hot sauce. I examine the issues surrounding the threat to the Sriracha plant, Facebook is getting significantly more creepy, and I look at a Fox News article about zombies.
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