My father is old and no longer well.
If you are young or want to read something light and uplifting, then this is not for you - apologies for writing this post here, then.
But I really am shocked and distressed at what his condition does to him and what it is doing to my old mother.
I no longer recognize me father. He is physiologically healthy (blood pressure, sugar levels, heart, blood, kidney, liver, etc. and even brain - I saw his CT scan reports of two weeks ago) but yet he has tremors (which appear when he is stressed), he has difficulty speaking (we now longer understand him and that frustrates him), mundane tasks are difficult, handling eating ustensils for example and he is so extremely confused and paranoid.
His condition appears to be in response to traumatic events like when he tripped and fell last month and when he accidentally fell if a chair last week. It does not present as a constant chronic condition in the way Alzheimers and Parkinsons do, although symptoms are similar. He has an appointment with a clinical psychologist only in April.
I should mention that he has been taking Tegretol and Camcolit for almost two decades and we ( and the house doctors) believe that the current condition is caused by the Carbilev tablets another doctor prescribed for him when she thought she detected signs of Parkinson's disease a few weeks earlier. We believe this because there is indicated interaction between the drugs and his condition started to deteriorate rapidly right after he started taking the Carbilev too.
Our doctor is taking him off the drug Carbilev now, but it has to be done gradually. It will take another 2 weeks for his dosage to reach zero. I hope my mother and him survive these two months.
I feel so helpless. He is so aggressive and she tries so hard. For the past few nights he gets so aggressive when he wakes to go to the bathroom. And he has great difficulty going back to sleep so he keeps my mother and himself awake for almost the entire night.
I do not know what to do. My impression is that he is in a condition to be institutionalized since my poor mother cannot take care of him 24/7. But I am certain he would not survive such a trauma as he is hypersensitive to change and aggressive about nurses and hospitals due to a bad experience a few weeks ago when he was forced to spend the night in hospital following tests.
I am a bad person for wondering now whether it is better to die young and healthy than old and in confusion and pain.
I am an agnostic. The current situation makes me hypocritical: I hope and pray that God will help somehow, perhaps take him befote his condition worsens - yet I claim to be convinced that God, if he exists, is not a personal god who concerns himself with afflicted old men or their silly, selfish sons.
So, perhaps, if you are still reading and have faith, you could pray for my mother and my father, that their last days on earth (he is 76 and she is 65) may be peaceful and not spent in stress, fear, confusion and delibitating ilness. Pray for them, I do not ask anything for myself since I am well and I claim to be independent.
But while I am selfish, silly, arrogant and wicked in many ways, my parents are good people who do not deserve this time of hardship - then again, that is what everyone thinks when they are afflicted by difficult circumstances, is it not?
I you got this far, you are a good friend.