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sippy zenma
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When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find it is those who instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.
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4 Types of Unhealthy Mother-Daughter Relationships

1. Bosom Buddies: This is where the mother wants to be her daughter’s best friend. The relationship is usually warm and close, and the mother prides herself on always being there to emotionally support and advise her daughter. Communication is open, honest and real – which can start to feel threatening as the daughter gets older and wants to erect appropriate boundaries. In this type of mother-daughter bond, the mothers lives vicariously through her daughter and find it hard to discipline appropriately (as she’s too enmeshed with her daughter’s life).

2. Boss and Subordinate: This is where the mother wants to dominate and control every aspect of her daughter’s life. She’s always giving her opinion, making demands, and requiring her daughter to follow her rules, or live up to the expectations she has set. She’s also rigid, harsh and may lack empathy. Although the daughter may comply in her younger years, she is quietly resentful and will likely rebel – either strongly and loudly, or in a more passive way. She may feel she must be “perfect”, have low self-esteem and fear rejection and judgement by others.

3. Rivals: This is where the mother sees her daughter as a rival or threat so she’s always in competition with her. Thus, instead of seeing each other as completely separate people, and allowing each other to simply be themselves, the mother and daughter are constantly comparing themselves to see which one is thinner, smarter, prettier or more successful in life. This is usually done in a fun-loving way, and the bond they share is understanding and strong.  However, it can lead to a feeling of not being seen, valued and accepted as they are – and unconditionally.

4. The Role-Reversal Relationship: This is where the mother expects her daughter to be there to support and bolster her. She has no concern for her daughter’s needs as her focus is ensuring her daughter nurtures her. This is clearly unhealthy as the daughter feels abandoned, and grows up feeling neglected and used.  As a child, the daughter’s learned she must sacrifice herself and only think others, and their needs and preferences. This can lead to being a doormat, and to low self-esteem.
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sippy zenma

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The Secret of Happiness

1.Recognize that happiness is a choice.

2. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes.

3. Stop being a victim of your circumstances.

4. Live each moment to the fullest.

5. Follow your heart, and do what you love.

6. Appreciate what you have; don’t fixate on what is missing.

7. Surround yourself with people you love.
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sippy zenma

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Tips for Coping with Emotional Pain

Accept that pain is a normal part of life …

A relationship break up, the death of your pet, failing an exam, being hurt by a friend.  It means that you are human and not a machine – but how do you cope with the hurt and the pain?

1. Endure it. There are some things in life which you can’t just wish away. You have to be patient and allow yourself to heal. For example, if you break your arm you have to wear it in a cast; and if your heart is broken, you have to let it heal. You have to ride the roller coaster till your feelings stabilise.

2. Talk to someone. It’s natural to conclude that no-one understands and to want to repress, or to try and hide, the pain. But you need the compassion of those who truly care. Take the offer of help and get support from your friends.

3. Don’t allow other people to trivialise your feelings. Your feelings are real and should be treated with respect. And accepting how you feel will enable you to grieve, and to start to recover and to be yourself again.

4. Don’t allow yourself to fixate on your negative emotions. It is healthy to acknowledge how terrible you feel. But don’t allow the pity party to drag on for too long. Force yourself to go out, and to spend time with your friends. Get involved in other things, and maybe try out something new.

5. Don’t allow your pain define you. It may have been a trauma, and a terrible thing – but don’t let what happened determine what you’ll do, or who you will become, or how good your life will be. You win in life by choosing your own destiny.

6. Don’t play the blame game. Regardless of what happened, don’t indulge in blaming others – for that’s not going to help you to move on with your life. See it as a chance to learn, and gain some life experience. You have grown as a person and have better coping skills. Thus, it can serve to make you stronger, and wiser, in the end.

7. Put together a ‘Thankfulness List’. Make a list of all the things that you are thankful for today. It will speed up your recovery and change the way you feel.
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The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
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sippy zenma

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Stop believing the lies you’ve been told about yourself. You are not worth less than anybody else. You are not inferior or inadequate.
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Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness. It takes strength to acknowledge our anger, and sometimes more strength yet to curb the aggressive urges anger may bring and to channel them into nonviolent outlets. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it.
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We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch.
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10 Reasons why Relationships End

1. Different values, dreams and goals

2. Different levels of commitment/ hopes and expectations for the relationship

3. Meeting someone else

4. Being too incompatible/ having few interests in common

5. Dishonesty/ having secrets (alcohol, cheating, a child by a previous relationship etc)

6. Jealousy

7. Lack of trust / betraying trust

8. Imbalance in emotional needs/ level of support both wanted and given

9.  Communication problems

10.  Being unloving, disrespectful, rude, uncaring, unforgiving or mean.
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You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.
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