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Craig fortner
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5 followers
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Brown Eyed Rules & Other Homophobias
“Oh, hey, did you
know the owner of the Montessori school we send Glenn to, hates gay people?” My wife was confused and wondered why I was bringing it up
right before bed. Granted, it was kind of a strange time to bring it up, but
it had been bothering me f...
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How to Win Every Argument with your Spouse
The first rule of home ownership is that things are going to break.  When you can’t call the landlord, the next person in line is you.  I suck at home repair.  I often tell my wife, ‘You didn't marry that person.’  I can do basic repairs and maintenance, bu...
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The first rule of home ownership is that things are going to
break.  When you can’t call the landlord, the next person in line is you.  I suck
at home repair.  I often tell my wife,
‘You didn't marry that person.’  I can do
basic repairs and maintenance, bu...
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I Get What I Asked For
We had just gotten up, and the boys were shouting their
breakfast orders into the kitchen.  Very
specific orders, without a side of appreciation, and I was getting
frustrated.  Especially since, they have
the SAME thing for breakfast almost every day. 
I mo...
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I Wish My Commute was Longer
‘I wish my commute was longer…’ Yep, that is what I was actually thinking as I sat in
traffic, idling down the highway.  I had been moving at a very leisurely pace, waiting
patiently at each progressive lane closure, and signing along with each new
classic ...
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We are not interested in a trophy.  Thank you. That was the entirety of my email to my son’s soccer
coach.  He had pegged the value of a
trophy at ten bucks.  My wife, being on
the same page, requested I send the coach a gently worded letter saying we were
...
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An Open Letter to my Son
Son, You’re not a man yet, but you’re getting very big.  Right now your only 3, but by the time you
read this you’ll be 8 and able to read it on your own.  I’ll try not to use words that are too big
for you.  As a three year old, you've become quite opinion...
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Daniel Murphy is No Hero
You did see that correctly. 
The NY Mets pitcher who took paternity leave is NOT a hero.  If you take nothing else away from this,
please stop repeating how brave, righteous, or any other adjective you use to
describe this man other than normal.  And
if thi...
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I Love Condoleezza Rice
I’m attracted to Condoleezza Rice. My wife need not worry, because I am pretty sure she is out
of my league.  Not to say that I
couldn't, but given my current state of bliss with my own wife, I’d rather not
try.  I’m certain any man reading this
already get...
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