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Greg Acker
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I'm here for RPG stuff, and pretty much only RPG stuff.
I'm here for RPG stuff, and pretty much only RPG stuff.

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Random Magical Item:

Neverending Ham of (Occasionally Deceptive) Deliciousness

This item appears to be a normal, clean, dry hambone of considerable heft. When it is struck against any flat, solid wooden or stone surface it magically transforms into a warm, full, meaty hunk of ham on-the-bone. The smell alone is enough to stop any adventurer dead in his or her tracks.  The Neverending Ham of (Occasionally Deceptive) Deliciousness provides enough meat to feed a party of 5 one full meal.  

Anyone who consumes an entire helping of the Neverending Ham of (Occasionally Deceptive) Deliciousness (1 serving = 1/5 total ham) is instantly healed for 50% of their total hp.  In addition to the healing, roll 1d6 for an additional delicious (or possibly disruptive) ham-borne effect. 

1. An army marches on it’s stomach, and so shall you. The deliciousness of the ham warms your spirit. You gain +1 to all attacks.

2. The salty goodness increases your blood pressure substantially. You gain +1d6 to all damage rolls (including offensive spells); that extra BP really has your juices flowing.

3. The aromatic grease coats your fingers, making you exceedingly more nimble than normal. You gain/suffer:
(a) Ranged attacks gain +2 to hit.
(b) +4 to pick lock/disable device/thiefy type checks. You can manipulate tumblers with the best of them.
(c) +2 to all skills relating to stringed instruments and bardic stuff that involves a stringed instrument. Youre a picking machine and the crowd loves it.
(d) -4 to stealth checks, you really stink like ham grease.  Even if they don’t see you, they probably smell you. On the plus side, you smell delicious.
(e) -4 to climb checks, no amount of wiping your hands on your pants is going to rid you of the slipperiness. It will, however, assuredly ruin your pants - or improve them if you reside on the unkempt side of society.

4. You’re ham drunk from all the tastiness.  You’re literally a sodium powered machine not to be trifled with. You gain /2 damage reduction from all attacks and automatically heal 1d4 hp after taking any damage (even if it is absorbed 100% by the DR.)  This effect applies to each strike/application of damage and can occur multiple times per round (ex: if a single opponent hits you 3 times in one round, you roll +3d4 hp.) You feel just...CAPITAL!  Some ham inspired, braggadocious shouting is probably in order…”For the Ham!”

5. Soooo full. You glutton...you consumed too much delicious ham.  The worst part is, you probably knew it while it was happening; you should have stopped three bites sooner. Maybe you ate too fast, maybe your system just wasn’t ready for all that delicious salted meat.  Your stomach hurts and you just want to nap: -1 to all attacks, -1 to AC due to lethargy, and -4 to save versus any sleep spell used against you.  

6. “I’m not sure that was ham.” You feel awful. Really awful. You’re going to need the privy, and fast:
You're in a sickened state. You take -2 to attacks, -2 to damage dealt, -2 saves, -2 to skill and ability checks, -2 to just about everything.  All you can think about is that privy.  In this state, the best course of action is copious rest - and staying away from any food that is remotely porcine based.  In fact, you’re starting to look green. Maybe this is the end?


All effects last for 1d4 hours.  Effects 1 through 4 cannot be dispelled, and 5 & 6 cannot be cured. You ate the magic ham...what did you expect?  Suffer the consequences like a big adventurer.  The Neverending Ham of (Occasionally Deceptive) Deliciousness can be used to feed the party 2 times per week. (If you don't track time, give the item a 20% chance to function per day after it's been used once - the first time it always works.)


Note: This item might be more useful to a party with little to no healing. In such an instance, one could dial back the attributes and focus more on the hp restoration, but what fun would that be? 
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This is a bizarre NPC I worked up for +Noah Stevens​​ DCC space game.  I thought someone else might find a use for him as well.

Space Dungeon NPC
Sweeton Ru
Formerly: respected warrior and tribal chieftain of the Ru people of the Saltland Desert Wastes. 
Currently: sentient starlight-mint (yes, the candy...in a wrapper.)
Pseudo-wizard

Once a mighty tribal warrior, Sweeton Ru - now known as the Minty One and/or the Temporary Satisfier of Parching Thirsts - was doomed by a wildly powerful sand witch (of the BLT coven) as recompense for the death of her sons: Lactuca, Fatback, and Solanum. (While her sons were eaten by cannibals, those cannibals were not affiliated with the Ru people or Sweeton, though this fact did little to sway the witch's actions.)

Sweeton had grown up in the desert wastes, where only the fit and strong survived. When he reached adulthood, he challenged Ka'ohmplex Ka'ahrhbo-Hyde'rayte (aka Karbs) - the then current chieftain - for dominance over the Ru people.  Sweeton was a fierce and powerful adversary, wielding dual laser scimitars to deadly effect. He sliced Karbs apart to the dismay of the onlooking Ru people. Sweeton would go on to become a fair and honorable leader to his people, much to their surprise. He was one whose character could rarely be called into question. 

On the third full moon, of the second cool season, of the 47th year of the Whole-Grain Rain, a witch appeared at the camp; she was a reviled sand witch of uncompromised flavor. She was a member of the feared ‘Baekorn Let'us Tohm-ah-toh’ people (aka the BLT coven.)

She accused Sweeton Ru of assassinating her sons by poisoning them with redwater, a substance comprised of the tomato-like juices from the 57 Heinzl trees native only to the Saltland Deserts.  For his "crime," and without prejudice, Sweeton was doomed to suffer a fate greater than any warrior could imagine. The witch transformed him into a starlight-mint (...in the wrapper.) 

On any day Sweeton Ru has a 50/50 chance to wake as either a red peppermint or green spearmint starlight candy (as a peppermint, he gains a +1 to all stats and abilities (including AC), as a dreaded spearmint he suffers a -1 to his stats and abilities - because...who likes spearmint starlight candies?) His wrapper cannot be removed by mortals, only by the most powerful of gods, the likes of which he has yet to encounter. Sweeton was relieved of his duties as chieftain, but was permitted to retain the title of Ru for services rendered.

Sweeton Ru no longer has legs or arms, and moves about by floating and flying. His curse came with a blessing of sorts, if one would call it that, as he gained several spell-like-abilities (listed below.)  Sweeton now wanders the galaxies, looking for anyone who can break this curse, or a god willing (and able) to remove his wrapper in the hopes it ends his suffering. He travels in a micro-ship, shaped like a small, yet colorful plastic sack, the ‘Not Labeled for Individual Sale.’  

If Sweeton is killed outright, he may be consumed (wrapper-and-all) to restore an individual's entire HP pool. He cannot be split-up and shared, only one individual may consume him. He’ll taste stale, like he’s been sitting in Grandma’s candy dish for eons.  The consumer will also gain one of his spells (randomly) which they will be able to use 1 time per day for perpetuity. (This is done at Sweeton's casting level, regardless of the consumers' class or level.) Additionally, if a spell-caster takes control of the ‘Not Labeled for Individual Sale,’ the navigation computer’s AI has the ability to teach Sweeton’s spells if it chooses. The computer dislikes Sweeton (it believes itself to be a diabetic halfling) and can easily be persuaded to share the information, though it will always follow his directives if he is nearby (it believes he is one of the 9 Delectable Confectionary Gods, of which the Great Rainbow Gummy Worm of Tum-mee Satis’Factione reigns supreme**.) Any spells shared with a spell-caster by the ship have a percentile chance to be permanently learned as determined by the GM.

*More on the 9 Delectable Confectionary Gods (9DCG) to come in the near future.*
Teaser: The original 9DCG (subject to change at any moment):
-Kar'mehl Kre-Ahm, the Filled. Notorious for his ruthless deliciousness.
-Feish, the Gelatinous Red Nordic Snapper of Death and Destruction. 
-The Great Rainbow Gummy Worm of Tum-mee Satis’Factione (Extra Sour.)
-Sehrkis, the Orange Acrobatic Legume of Squishitude, an acquired taste to be sure.
-Pahmk'in, the Mellowcreme of Doom and his Candy Corn Cult of Chewy Confection (the C5)
-Sir Leh-mon Dropz, The nouveau space-rastafarian; patron to auditioning bards throughout the universe.
-Nibs, the Blackened. (The licorice, most feared of all the confections.)
-Reighbon Candide, the Affluent. (Raised by feral octogenarians.)
-Lole-Popp, Sucker of Worlds. (Stick included.)
Maybe Sweeton will be (or already is) number 10? Only time will tell.

Ok...sorry for the segue, back to Sweeton's stats:

***

Sweeton Ru
Starlight Mint Pseudo Wizard

Initiative: +5
HD: 20d10+20
HP: 205
AC: 11, plastic wrapper
**GM Note: (With high HP and a low AC, combat with Sweeton is designed to be a battle of attrition. He’s going to take some significant damage; he’s also going to dish out some serious damage and hopefully stun the party repeatedly. Can they burn him down before he overcomes them? He should be viewed as a pseudo-boss-like character, not to be trifled with half-heartedly - after all, the 9DCG awaits.

Move: Hover and Fly 90' (triple human speed)
Attacks: Special only. See spell-like-abilities below.
Caster level: Sweeton is a powerful being. His "spells" are actually innate spell-like-abilities that utilize 'sweet magic' (a form of the darkest of black magics.) His "spells" automatically hit any target, regardless of level/defenses/AC etc, unless he fumbles on his attack (a d20 should always be rolled to verify crits/fumbles even though he always hits.) His fumble chart is simple, all fumbles impact him as they would have impacted the original target. All critical hits do double damage and duration.
Actions: 2 per round.

Saves
Fortitude: +6
Reflex: +5
Willpower: +12

Motivations:
Sweeton desires to return to his mortal form. He fails to appreciate all he has gained from being transformed into a confection. He is also highly motivated to enact revenge on the BLT sand witches. Lastly, Sweeton wishes to regain his glory as chief of the Ru people. 

These goals offer potential opportunities for quests, favors, interactions etc. The party may confront Sweeton in battle, or may choose to aid him in his motivations. He has a wealth of credits to his name, and a bountiful collection of magic items he has amassed from those foolish enough to challenge his glucose-rich goodness; these items are trivial to him, and he will part with them readily if adventurers can assist him in his goals.

Morale: High, he is a former chieftain and his spell-like-abilities have given him additional self-confidence. He is unlikely to rout unless defeat is inevitable, and then will only do so at the last possible moment. He would also welcome a warrior's death, as it would be honorable and release him from his sugary prison.

Number: 1, unique.

Appearance:
Sweeton is a starlight-mint the size of a small gnome (about 2 feet in diameter and 10 inches thick.) He has facial features, but no limbs. He is covered in a thick plastic wrapper, which provides him some protection, but occasionally causes his speech to be difficult to discern (this does not impact his spell casting in any way.) When he flies his plastic wrapper makes loud crinkly noises giving away his position and maneuvering.

Spells/Spell-like-abilities:
Taste (Lvl 1)
Target: 1
Save: None
Usable: 3 times per day.
Target is overcome by an overwhelming sweet, sugary taste. They are unable to act for 1d4 rounds, unless they are able to drink a liquid to clear their pallet. Any clear liquid will do.

Syrup (Lvl 3)
Target: 1
Save: WILL, DC 20
Usable: 3 times per day.
Target (most likely a spell caster) has their mouth become a sticky amalgamation of sugary substances, like a jar full of peanut butter swirled in molasses. They are unable to cast a spell (or speak at all) for 1d4 rounds.

Confound (Lvl 2)
Target: AoE, 50 foot radius
Save: REFLEX, DC 15 for half duration. 
Usable: 3 times per day.
Sweeton swirls hurriedly, causing any who witness him to become dizzied. This effect lasts for 2d4 rounds, and causes victims to suffer a -2 to all attacks, damage, skills etc.

Appetite (Lvl 2)
Target: AoE, 50 foot cone
Save: FORT, DC 15 to ignore.
Usable: 3 times per day.
Any who cast their eyes upon him develop a voracious appetite for sweets. They forget about combat (or anything else for that matter) and concentrate solely on consuming sweets - this includes Sweeton himself. This lasts for 1d4 rounds. Eating sweets, or Sweeton, does not sate this desire.

Sick (Lvl 1)
Target: 1
Save: None.
Usable: At-will.
If Sweeton is consumed by a creature, he has the ability to instantly cause that creature to regurgitate him. This spell-like-ability DOES NOT count as an action, and can be done out of turn if he chooses. The creature takes 1d4 damage for its troubles, though likely does not learn its digestive lesson. Sweeton is no worse for wear thanks to his wrapper's unique properties.

Wrappa-Snappa (Lvl 1)
Target: 1
Save: None.
Usable: At-will.
Sweeton can manifest/unwind a long piece of his wrapper material (30 feet) to strike an opponent. This deals 3d4 damage, but causes him 1d4 damage due to duress on the wrapper. 

Double Wrappa-Snappa (Lvl 3)
Target: 1 or 2 (see description)
Save: FORT, DC 15 to half damage.
Usable: 1 time per day* (see description)
This strike is exhaustive for Sweeton, as he must unfurl both twisted ends of his wrapper to attack his opponent(s), thus he is physically limited in how frequently he can perform it.  He can strike 1 target (up to 30 feet away) with 2 pieces of wrapper for 8d4 damage, or strike 2 targets simultaneously for 4d4 damage each. This attack causes 2d4 damage to Sweeton. 

Note: Anytime he performs this action, percentile dice should be rolled. On a 25 or less, he retains the ability to use this spell-like-ability again the same day, otherwise the ability is drained for the day due to exhaustion; note, if he can reuse the ability, the damage he incurs increases by 1d4 each time per use in the same day.

Cane (Lvl 2)
Target: 1
Save: FORT, DC 15 to half.
Usable: 3 times per day.
A direct damage spell which causes pure cane sugar to infect the target’s system, overloading it with significant quantities sugar, and causing blood glucose levels to skyrocket. This spell causes 1d6 damage, and, causes a lingering effect for 1d4 rounds. This lingering effect forces the target to take 1 damage per round and suffer -2 to attacks due to feeling ill.

Able (Lvl 3)
Target: 1
Save: FORT, DC 25 to negate. 
Usable: 1 time per day.
A direct damage spell which causes all of the sugar to be syphoned from the target’s body and be absorbed by Sweeton. This causes 3d6 damage, and leaves the target seizing (prone) for 1d4 rounds while their system recovers. The target’s only action can be preventing a coup-de-grace by duck-and-covering.  Sweeton gains 2d6 hp from the syphoning. 

They’re gonna’ be pissed when their sugar levels regulate and they come to (increases the target's 'to hit' and damage by 2 for 1d4 rounds.)

Decay (Lvl 2)
Target: AoE, 30 foot radius
Save: FORT, DC 10 to half.
Usable: 1 time per day
This spell impacts all creatures surrounding the caster. The creatures suffer unimaginable tooth pain piercing their entire maw as their teeth rot in their skull causing 1d6 damage. If they are non-humanoids who do not maintain minimal standards of hygiene, the damage increases to 2d6.

Cavity (Lvl 1)
Target: 1
Save: None.
Usable: At-will.
Sweeton can attempt to decay and destroy a single tooth in the target’s mouth, causing 1d4 damage, but angering the target in the process. This anger leads to a +1 to hit and +1 to damage the following round. 

Note: if he uses this spell twice, against the same opponent in the same round, the bonus does not stack, they gain only a bonus of +1.

Sugar Rush (Lvl 1)
Target: 1
Save: Opposed STR check vs DC 20.
Usable: At-will. 
Sweeton attempts to bowl over his opponent, knocking them prone and causing 1d4 damage. This is one of his only physical attacks, and he will only use it in the event he needs to toss opponents around a bit.

Glu-Close Call (Lvl 1)
Target: Self
Save: N/A
Usable: At-will.
Sweeton calls forth a cascade of magic infused with sugar molecules creating a 360 globe-like shield around himself. The shield lasts for up to 1d4 rounds, but can be ended at anytime by Sweeton (instantly and out of turn.) While active he cannot cast spells out of the bubble, though he may cast spells upon himself. All spells fired at the globe are absorbed causing no damage.  The globe has no AC or HP and cannot be destroyed - bonded sugar is a mother. Melee strikes must get through the globes damage reduction of 5. While active, Sweeton is able to fly, maneuver, or even flee.  This is his go-to method for extracting himself from a dire situation.

Speak with Confections (Lvl 1)
Target: AoE, 100 foot radius. 
Save: None.
Usable: At-will. 
All confections, sweets, desserts etc. become mildly intelligent (slightly above animal intellect) and may communicate with Sweeton. They will all find him favorable and will share any information they have. This will most likely be limited to experiences they may have heard or felt, as their senses are obviously limited.

After 10d4 minutes the spell wears off and the items return to normal. Any confections consumed while the spell is active will experience the most traumatic death imaginable and will curse Sweeton in the dessert afterlife. There is always a chance these foodstuffs will return from the ‘grave’ to haunt him, usually at the worst times.

Saccharum Sacrament (Lvl 2)
Target: Self 
Save: N/A
Usable: 3 times per day.
Sweeton enters a state of mental equilibrium, allowing himself to reallocate the sugar molecules in his body, and regain lost strength. This is a complicated ritual, and as such, no other actions (spell-like-abilities, movements etc.) may be performed in a round the sacrament is performed. Sweeton gains 5d4 hp from the ritual and gains a +1 to all saves the following round. Opponents are immediately aware (and awed) that he has managed to ‘recharge’ himself via this uninterruptible event.

“High” Fructose Sizzurp (Lvl 2)
Target: N/A
Save: N/A
Usable: 1 time per day
Sweeton’s roots run deep...all the way to the common man, and getting ‘warmed up’ isn’t beyond him.  A small tube of ridiculously sweet liquid is manifested. The liquid has hallucinogenic effects. If consumed the recipient gains +1 to all stats and abilities for 4d4 rounds.  They also feel unimaginably fantastic and probably a little reckless.

Manipulate Dextrose (Lvl 1)
Target: N/A
Save: N/A
Usable: At-will
Sweeton can produce small amounts of sugar molecules and bond them together. He can then use said sugars to float, lift, or even manipulate objects. He does this regularly to move items into his ship, which is effective considering he doesn't’ have limbs.  This is how he removes objects from fallen foes to add to his trove.
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A magical item for a space/sci-fi themed game:

The Spear of Mmmphh:
This is a standard looking spear, with a lightweight brass shaft wrapped in supple maroon leather and a sizeable, pointed red crystal at the terminus. It automatically hits (except on a fumble.)  It does no damage on an attack, but rather causes a neuropathic shockwave to wrack the body of the recipient. The target instantly has their mouth shrink up and turn inside of itself - this is quite disturbing to witness. It’s a bit like sucking on an Ardonlondian Lemon from the Chendrule Quadrant, and not the yellow variety - we’re talking the sourest of the sour here. There is no cure but to wait it out. The effect only lasts for 2d4 rounds. At the end of the 2d4 rounds, the target regains their ability to speak and cast spells, unless of course they are struck again - resetting the duration.  

The spear can be used as a melee weapon, or thrown accurately 10 feet; anything beyond 10 feet is too far to strike true.  

The spear is light enough to hold with one hand, while holding another weapon with the other - provided you can perform such an act. Even if you can't dual wield, the effects of the spear might just be worth foregoing a damage dealing weapon.

The Spear of Mmmphh was commission by the mighty Mage Hunter, Rophe JuPreese. After a long career of apprehending wizards gone awry, Rophe retired and the spear’s location became unknown.  It is rumored the spear found its way to a monastery in the far eastern section of the Forthain Galaxy, but this is purely speculation. Odds are the monks wouldn’t have much interest in such an item - this is probably a red herring.

The Spear of Mmmph has great renowned, so much so that it has a limerick attached to it that schoolchildren recite:

     Mmmphh was a spear of renowned
     It’d make a mage act the clown
     When it would stick you
     or it would prick you
     It would assuredly suck in your frown.

Recent rumors have the spear for sale at one of the colorful bazaars in a populous local trading community, though it’s exact locale remains uncertain.  Like anything, it could be had for the right price, though it will undoubtedly draw a large quantity of credits. 
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Post has attachment
This strange amalgamation seems like something one might find on +James Young's blog, which really is somewhere you should check in from time-to-time: http://tenfootpolemic.blogspot.com/?m=1

He has BBEG (or maybe even henchman/right-hand-man) material written all over him...cones of delicious death and all. With any luck, he’ll provide us with some stats and mechanics on this strange fellow (no pressure or course...OK, a little pressure.)

I would provide some stats/mechanics of my own, but I know I would never do this abomination justice. 

(Also, I have no idea where this image originated or who to credit it to. It was sent to me by a random acquaintance who forever reason thought I would like it - which I do.)
Photo
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I originally posted this in +Noah Stevens Space Dungeon community, but thought it might draw interest from the general crowd. Noah (as always) has a pretty sweet thing going on over there; you really should check it out - if you're into that sort of thing anyway. Also...Dralasites, need I say more?

If you're in the community and my groups, sorry for the duplication, but...Dralasites, amirite?

***

Space Dungeon NPC
Cecil (brother of Carl, proprietor of CloCloCloning.)
Member of Carl’s elaborate Dralasite Family.

This is the original post regarding Carl. If you don’t start here, this probably won’t make much sense. Plus, Carl is a cool cat who deserves his due. And Carl is a dralasite, which is pretty much the best space/sci-fi race ever, and if you disagree then we really don't have anything else to talk about.
http://noahms456.blogspot.com/2015/01/space-dungeon-small-business-tuesday.html

Carl, proprietor of CloCloCloning, has a large - though admittedly unusual - family. Like many large families in the universe, Carl’s is spread out; this of course is a fact much appreciated by Carl as his numerous siblings are quite strange and manage to make his life exceedingly more difficult when they’re around.  When Carl came of age, his propensity for biomancy was renowned throughout the universe and he was recruited by the top biomancy schools. He eagerly left home for his studies and never looked back. Unfortunately for Carl, his relatives are needy and visit regularly. 

Carl’s youngest brother, Cecil, is a sociopathic topiary gardener. He is actually quite skilled at his trade, being commissioned by many of the universe’s elite bourgeoisie.  He is also a chronic and insufferable kleptomaniac and more notably sociopath; this is confounded by his fervent commitment to a cult-like space-religion focused on severe guilt and self-loathing related to committing wrongdoing.  As a result, Cecil will never steal from Carl, though he cannot help but lie to him ad infinitum. He regularly steals from his well-off clientele afterwhich he brings the stolen goods to Carl’s home (unbeknownst to Carl) where he leaves them because he cannot live with the guilt he suffers for committing these ‘heinous’ acts.  Because he is a sociopath, he will always lie to Carl about the origin of these goods, and Carl honestly doesn’t care enough either way about the items as long as they don’t draw unwanted attention to him or his company.

To compensate for putting Carl out, whenever he visits, he adds a new topiary sculpture to Carl’s neglected garden (Carl actually hates plants, especially Cecil’s topiaries, though he’ll never admit this to anyone, especially his meek brother.) Without Carl’s knowledge, each of these topiaries contains a random treasure Cecil has obtained from a customer. These items are vastly valuable, and would lead to Carl’s incarceration or worse if they were discovered.  If Carl were to become aware of these hidden items he would be irate with Cecil.

Cecil isn’t all bad though. If you manage to catch him visiting Carl or the CloCloCloning facility, he is happy to share his knowledge - though he may lighten your pockets while you’re distracted. He is a savant regarding knowledge of flora of all types found throughout the galaxy, with a particular interest in any plant able to be shaped or sculpted. He also has a genius level knowledge of artistic sculpture and physical art. He will provide this knowledge to inquisitors at-will, and for no cost (he’s lonely and likes to chit-chat.)  There is no question about plant-life or topiary sculpture the dralasite cannot answer. He is quick to point out, unlike his brother, his knowledge was obtained through experience not schooling; though beware, his sociopathic tendencies will be to try to convince you of his elaborate, and nonexistent, curriculum vitae - he holds a PhD in artistic shrubbery and was headmaster at the Topiary School for Aspiring Dralasites, don’t you know?

Cecil also has a handful of odds-and-ends for sale, some of which are mundane (extra shears, trimmers, measuring tapes, twine etc,) and some of which are most unique (Lady Mardelonde of Sector 82 B’s Magical Pearl Necklace of Skin Tightening and Blemish Removal, which he’ll pass off as a family heirloom he no longer needs - don’t get caught buying it though.)

Cecil does have a hidden, though likely harmless agenda for his visits to Carl. He wishes to use Velma to decode the dna of the universe’s best topiary plants, allowing him to replicate enumerable copies of his finest flora to craft unrivaled topiaries. These sculptures would be worth a fortune, but Cecil is purely interested in his ‘work’ and the ability to craft unimaginable compositions - not sell them.  He also could be persuaded to use Velma to eliminate other gardeners who infringe upon his customer base, though this isn’t a conclusion he’ll arrive at on his own. It is evident Cecil does not see the full potential of Velma.

When he is not visiting Carl, Cecil is likely on the road working. He doesn’t own a home, but rather lives aboard a ramshackle vessel overrun by topiaries of varying subject matter.  Carl can locate him at any time, though he is loath to do so.

Cecil appears as a normal dralasite, except his body has a green tinge due to a combination of the fertilizers and dyes he uses to maintain the healthy appearance of his topiaries. He also regularly wears an unconvincingly faux, and incredibly large, handlebar mustache for reasons known only to him - don’t ask him about it though, that would be bad form.
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This is a magic item I created some time ago. It's been collecting dust, so I thought I'd set it free. It was written for a campaign along the lines of +Arnold K.'s Eldritch Americana.

If you're eyeing a campaign that is semi-modern/turn of the century, yet still really weird and not necessarily Jules Verne/steampunk-esque, it's definitely worth a look. 
(http://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/05/eldritch-americana.html)

At any rate, use it if you like...or don't. 

********

The Habs of Glory

In 1918 the professional hockey franchise, the Montreal Wanderers, disbanded after the team’s arena was burned down.  It was decided by the Provincial governing body, in order to protect the morale of the country, the public would not be made aware that 8 players (6 Canadians and 2 visiting Swedes) were killed while scrimmaging when the blaze overtook the facility. These players were listed as retired by the league and their families were compensated heavily.  Unfortunately, the souls of these men would never find rest.  Instead, their souls were fused into a single, lumpy piece of vulcanized rubber the size of a small fist, remnants of a puck trapped under the players' corpses when the rafters collapsed upon them.

If the charred rubber is heated, it’s magical properties activate. The charred puck holds the souls of 8 players.  Warming the rubber frees two souls, causing the players to instantly manifest on the site.

Roll 2d8, using the outcome of the rolls with the corresponding numbers listed below.

(1) Abelard “The Flash” Laurent (Center, +Str/attack; equipped with a hockey stick, broken at the blade, treat as magic spear.)
(2) Maurice Bastien (Skilled winger, +Dex/dodge; equipped with two pieces of broken stick, treat as magical dual-wielded daggers.)
(3) Pierre Gagnon (4th line bruiser, +Str/attack , +Con/HD; equipped with hockey stick, treat as magic polearm.)
(4) Jacques-Raul Ragnault (Defenseman, +Con/HD and armor; equipped with broken stick and panel from the ice rink’s boards, treat as magic 1h sword and standard wooden shield.)
(5) Patrice "Teeth" Baptiste (Defenseman/Goon, +Str/attack, +Con/HD; equipped with multiple pieces of broken stick strapped together to form one thick piece, treat as magic 2h mace)
(6) Philippe “The Fish” Paquerette (Goaltender, +Con/HD and armor; equipped with goalie equipment and stick, treat as magic bastard sword and (blocker) magic buckler.)
***
(7) "Golden" Sven Magnusson (Defenseman/Goon, +Str/attack; equipped with portion of broken stick, treat as magic great (2h) sword.)
(8) Olaf Larsson-Sjoberg (Defenseman/Bruiser, +Con/HD; equipped with sizeable chunk of rafters, treat as magic 2h warhammer.)

(All characters are melee combatants, DM chooses specific type, HD, hp, attack/dmg etc. Ideally, they would be at or slightly below the players levels so as to be effective but not overpowering.)

The two players whose numbers correspond to the d8 rolls will appear. Players 1-6 (the Canadians) will always help the party. Players 7 and 8 (the Swedes) will attack the party. If a 7 or 8 is rolled, introduce the corresponding characters and roll again; as there should ALWAYS be at least one more Canadian than there are Swedes.  Swedes will always attack Canadians first, before attacking party members (if possible.)  Canadians will always try to do what is in the best interest of the party (because...Canadians,) but will avoid death by Swede at all costs.

Summoned hockey players last for 1d4+2 hours, making them potentially powerful allies for difficult/boss fights etc (provided any combat with the Swedes doesn't exhaust the party prematurely.) After this duration, or if they are killed, their “shift” ends and those specific summoned players can never be summoned again.  If their numbers come up on future rolls, the d8 should be rerolled until a remaining player is selected.  The Habs of Glory can be retained and reused until all of the Canadians have been summoned.

If the Canadians succeed at protecting the party for the duration of their “shift” their souls will be free and will ascend to the great Canadian Ice Arena on High (Heavens Square Garden?) If they sacrifice themselves or die in the service of the party, they will have achieved success.

If they fail, if the party wipes while they are summoned, or worst of all if they are killed by a Swede, they will instead go to Hockey Valhalla and spend eternity playing on international sized rinks where their rough Canadian style of play will be marginalized by Scandinavian speed for perpetuity.
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Greg Acker commented on a post on Blogger.
I really like these. In particular the benefits of 'surviving' the Blood Drawer's Oath. I like the idea of presenting players with the choice between (a) passing on an item or (b) chancing you'll survive it long enough to actually benefit from it - the draw backs ending upon success. Well done.
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I signed up for g+ in order to participate in a crowd sourced project created by  +Arnold K.

He has an excellent blog you can find here: http://goblinpunch.blogspot.com.  

I feel the need to doff my proverbial cap to him, as his recent project http://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2014/02/random-wizard-tower-is-90-complete.html has motivated me to do a bit of writing again.

I’m not much for social media, but since I am here I suppose I will add a post now and then.  This is a creature I wrote up for his recent project. It’s admittedly not the most impressive sketch I’ve done, but I drew it while coloring with my 3 year old daughter which makes it awesome in my book.  It was done on off-white construction paper with 4 ink pens (red, blue, black and green.)  
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