Dear recruitment consultants...
.. specifically, those six of you, all from the same firm, who took time out of your busy schedules and contacted me in the last 24 hours.
I'm so pleased you thought of me. I'd like to help you out, but if I could take just a moment more of your time, I wonder if you could please enlighten me about something. Your emails, I must admit, have left me puzzled. Let me explain.
Prior to emailing me, you must have been reading my profile somewhere. Here's how I imagine that scene played out:
At this point you'd have developed a rudimentary, but quite illustrative image of my experience and skills.
So, what I'm really wondering is what it is about that profile that made all 6 of you think that this makes me especially qualified for the role of "Senior Microsoft Sharepoint Consultant - 3 month contract in London"? Oh - and what did you search for in the first place that threw up my name?
I'm afraid your Holmes like logic is beyond my simple reasoning. Of course a naive observer might assume that you'd just spammed everyone in you entire database with this job. It's certainly uncanny that you all wrote the same email, with only your name, and my name changing. Still, that's just professionalism - after all, you're all "Senior Search Executives". Besides as a company you're clearly aware that many of the people you approach for roles are also the ones who either now, or in the future, end up recruiting people themselves. It wouldn't be in your long term interest to risk annoying those people with spam. No, no, clearly it must instead be some genius new process, possibly based on Numberwang mathematics.
Also, let me just take a moment to say how much I like that you signed off your emails by saying that if, for some unthinkable reason, this role isn't right for me, if I could perhaps e-mail you back the contact details of anyone I happen to know who would be right for the role. Again, the cynic might assume that this is thinly veiled attempt to reduce the cost of recruitment search to a crowd-sourcing exercise, but not I! Clearly this is an opportunity to engage in wonderful algorithmic masterpiece you're presenting me with. A little game! Hurrah! Still, how to proceed? I don't know, I don't know. You're pressuring me now. I've already admitted I don't understand your algorithm. I really don't know if I can give an appropriate answer. Wait.. yes Ah.. yes... Pope Pius XII - you can reach him at email@example.com
Yours.. bemused engineer.