You've been getting a lot of attention haven't you? Only a few weeks old, and you've already got 18+ million users. You must feel pretty good about yourself.
I don't like you, Google+. I don't like you one bit. I don't care what the millions of other geeks like me think about you— I think you're just plain annoying. Annoying and irrelevant.
To be fair, you do have some nice qualities that stand out. Your design is clean. You have this nifty obsession with virtual-magical-sorting orbs (that's what I'm calling them, anyway). And you tie beautifully into that always-present Google web bar that somehow magically appeared at the top of my Google account. You actually handle notifications very well in that little black bar. Facebook could learn a thing or two from you.
But, unfortunately, that's about all you've got going on for you right now, Google+. Well, that's not entirely true; you do have the legions of technorati, pundits, journalists and bloggers singing your praises around the clock. Some of them can't seem to get enough of you— almost like you're the answer to their Twitter-meets-Facebook prayers.
See, the thing is, you're neither Facebook nor Twitter, Google+. And you're not a very particularly nice blend of either. Honestly, you're a re-thought Orkut 2.0.
But I digress. The thing is, Google+, I don't know what in the world I should do with you. You're like the awkward third wheel on date night. You're "stream" and "follow" mentalities make me think you want to be used like Twitter, but then your fancy Circles feature (which is very cool looking, btw) makes me think you want to be treated like a more tailored version of Facebook.
Your Hangouts thing is kinda cool, but hasn't every chat room and video conferencing service been doing this sort of thing for years? Why do I need Google+ to "hangout" online all of a sudden? Was my presence on Twitter, Facebook, Gchat, Skype, AIM, Tumblr and MySpace not enough? (Just kidding about the MySpace part. Tom, I know you understand— since I see you posting on Google+ more than Larry Page.)
And then there's your mobile apps, Google+. Still no iPad app. On the iPhone you're… bearable. I still don't want an extra social network icon on my homescreen, though. I'm waay too addicted to becoming the mayor of my local Kroger on foursquare (this guy named Detrich keeps one upping me).
The point is, you don't have anything that makes me want to check your everyday, Google+. You're just not that attractive. You're like that decent-looking girl that everyone likes because she's nice and she has good hygiene, but she's not gorgeous. She's just OK.
Honestly, Google+, I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't stick around that long. Your creator has a knack for making waves and lots of buzz over projects that don't last that long. (See what I did there?) And the sad thing is that people like Kevin Rose have gotten suckered into moving their blog onto you, Google+. Do you really plan on being around that long? Please be honest with me. My heart has already been broken by Yahoo with GeoCities being gone.
In conclusion, I don't like you, Google+. And I don't care what other people say.
Now I've got to go play on my LinkedIn page.