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Janine Viviane Hofmann
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"Sad people love the rain because they are no longer crying alone." (unknown)


picture: found in google
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Hotaru Tomoe/Sailor Saturn, from "Sailor Moon" by N. Takeuchi

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fear and guilt

yesterday went to relatives... the day seemed , as usual. Until someone began to feel sick... Was in a room with another relative tried one of these "final fantasy" games for mobile phones; and we did not hear a noise. Then the door was opened and we were shouted by another relative, who let us feel ignorant and stupid and egoistic and completely worthless and like feeling "waste of life" ( he always causes these feelings - in my heart), because it was one of the rare moments without loud music etc from his room. He had heard it. We didn't. His words have torn an old wound open: once another relative had broken down and i had't been there, found her on the floor and phoned ambulance. Then another one, said "papa" to him, had gone forever, now its the month of his birthday. Then some weeks ago an old man broke down, fell with head on a plastered way: everywhere was blood, and it did't stop. Phoned the ambulance (still not being used to phone ambulance, still feeling have not done enough, to have failed, and always feeling like being swallowed by the pain of others) and tried to help and waited - while some people who were curious and with an expression "ugly disgusting insect" were passing - for the ambulance.
How could he say so terrible words? Does he know how it is when being not good enough, when help is not enough? How it is to wait for someone close who was in hospital, with sick kidneys while a boy is born and being afraid of her that she could go forever?
And later i didn't know if it was a good idea to stay for another day... slept for a moment but woke up because of bad dream, listening to any noise, because of that guilt, because of being afraid... not daring to fall asleep
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Night Thoughts (by R. M. Rilke)

Worlds further Wandrer,
surge in peace ..........
So no one else knows
Human suffering like - you.

When lit with light
You start the run.
The pain suggests the humid
Eyes to you.

Inside lies - as shouting
They to you: understand!
Deep in their depths
A world of woe .........

Thousand tears talking
Eternally unsettled,
And in each
Your image is reflected.

(translation with help of google translator, but what are the words for "weltenweit", "hinfort wallen"?)

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Nachtgedanken

Weltenweiter Wandrer,
walle fort in Ruh..........
Also kennt kein andrer
Menschenleid wie - du.

Wenn mit lichtem Leuchten
du beginnst den Lauf.
schlägt der Schmerz die feuchten
Augen zu dir auf.

Drinnen liegt - als riefen
sie dir zu: versteh !
tief in ihren Tiefen
eine Welt von Weh.........

Tausend Tränen reden
ewig ungestillt, - -
und in einer jeden
spiegelt sich dein Bild.


poem: http://www.rilke.de/gedichte/nachtgedanken.htm
http://www.rilke.de/
picture: found in google
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Love Song (by R. M. Rilke)

How can I keep my soul in me, so that
it doesn't touch your soul? How can I raise
it high enough, past you, to other things?
I would like to shelter it, among remote
lost objects, in some dark and silent place
that doesn't resonate when your depths resound.
Yet everything that touches us, me and you,
takes us together like a violin's bow,
which draws one voice out of two separate strings.
Upon what instrument are we two spanned?
And what musician holds us in his hand?
Oh sweetest song.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Liebeslied (von R. M. Rilke)

Wie soll ich meine Seele halten, daß
sie nicht an deine rührt? Wie soll ich sie
hinheben über dich zu andern Dingen?
Ach gerne möcht ich sie bei irgendwas
Verlorenem im Dunkel unterbringen
an einer fremden stillen Stelle, die
nicht weiterschwingt,wenn deineTiefen schwingen.
Doch alles, was uns anrührt, dich und mich,
nimmt uns zusammen wie ein Bogenstrich,
der aus zwei Saiten eine Stimme zieht.
Auf welches Instrument sind wir gespannt?
Und welcher Spieler hat uns in der Hand?
O süßes Lied.


picture: http://wpnature.com/still-life-violin-roses-gazebo-collage-antique-copper-flower-ipad-wallpapers/
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The Stolen Child (by W. B. Yeats)

Where dips the rocky highland
Of Sleuth Wood in the lake,
There lies a leafy island
Where flapping herons wake
The drowsy water rats;
There we've hid our faery vats,
Full of berrys
And of reddest stolen cherries.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.

Where the wave of moonlight glosses
The dim gray sands with light,
Far off by furthest Rosses
We foot it all the night,
Weaving olden dances
Mingling hands and mingling glances
Till the moon has taken flight;
To and fro we leap
And chase the frothy bubbles,
While the world is full of troubles
And anxious in its sleep.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.

Where the wandering water gushes
From the hills above Glen-Car,
In pools among the rushes
That scarce could bathe a star,
We seek for slumbering trout
And whispering in their ears
Give them unquiet dreams;
Leaning softly out
From ferns that drop their tears
Over the young streams.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.

Away with us he's going,
The solemn-eyed:
He'll hear no more the lowing
Of the calves on the warm hillside
Or the kettle on the hob
Sing peace into his breast,
Or see the brown mice bob
Round and round the oatmeal chest.
For he comes, the human child,
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than he can understand.


picture: http://beautiful-portals.tumblr.com/post/28715923028
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found in google
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