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since childhood known this... some who i thought they were friends or could be, were no friends.

and in childhood i had to take chocolate marshmallows or chocolate or a cake into school, when there was my birthday (i have always hated my birthday, never wanted this "we are so happy"/"we make party"/blablabla, this hypocrisy - one day when others pretend someone is special and all the other days they don't care if someone is fine) and all who didn't care ate it, and all who hated me who hit me, who r a p e d me ate it. And they laughed into my face: the "stupid girl" who can be treated the worst and still gives. Gives everything.

now crying again (stupid idea, when sitting in a library, because of no own internet)
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+Janine Viviane Hofmann i would never do that to you.
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girls/daughters and boys/sons

Yesterday there was again a conversation about different things... and then i was asked about what i want. It's always easier to know what someone does not want than what is wanted.

Replied that all my wishes and dreams always had been like soap bubbles that come to stings, always. They always had been utopia.

And one wish was that i would have a sister (with all these half- brothers... as in antique mythologies about deities... but being no shining hero... being a tragic "figure of fun") or maybe at last a female cousin, too... then there were the always- comming- words that girls are complicated and bad- tempered (in other words they cause problems, they are problems)

Heard these words often, already heard it as a child.

And then they are confused, why i feel so unwanted and unloved, why i can't trust their words about "we love you" (by the way, no one can speak for others!), though i yearn to hear them and trust them (the most vulnerable side of me)

One of all the reasons why i always have been hating myself

As child and as teenager i hated to be a girl

always seen how welcome and loved and protected boys are everywhere - and in my "family"
they could do whatever
they could destroy a window or whatever
they even could hit someone
 - and they are still the cute innocent boys

when i would do these things
 - i am the witch and the liar

Today i only have two wishes
 - that my "family" and all who i love are happy
 - and that i find peace and salvation  +

there is no happiness for me
there is no place for me
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+Janine Viviane Hofmann​ no not the world just you 😊 and again i say your not unwanted
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beautiful and sad music...

https://youtu.be/GC2KBf1_ILI

_error _ (by M. Juno)

so naked, i'm walking to find what's left of me
the mirrors throw shadows across my destiny

pre nothing's right, here tonight
all the angels left me
the lullabies turned to lies, believe me

no you don't wanna know this kind of love
no you don't wanna know this kind of love
and you don't wanna know the night you realize
(the error, error, error) in this kind of love
(error, error, error) in this kind of love
(error, error, error) in this kind of love
(error, error, error) in this kind of love

somebody come tear me
somebody hold my hand
i'm down here
i'm broken
i try to understand

pre there nothing's right, here tonight
all the angels left me
i try to find a little light to guide me

and you don't wanna know this kind of love
no you don't wanna know this kind of love
and you don't wanna know the night you realize
(the error, error, error) in this kind of love
(error, error, error) in this kind of love
(error, error, error) in this kind of love
(error, error, error) in this kind of love

all the the tears, all the smiles that we'd never shared
and i know, i said "no, i can't take you there"
tell me why, tell me why i say everywhere, everywhere
(error, error, error) between you and i
(error, error, error) here tonight
(error, error, error) we're not a life (error, error, error)

(error, error, error) between you and i
(error, error, error) here tonight
(error, error, error) tell me why (error, error, error)
tell me why nothing feels alright

(error, error, error) in this kind of love
(error, error, error) in this kind of love
(error, error, error) in this kind of love
(error, error, error) in this kind of love



picture: found in google
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...     :(

as if the singer knows me...
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beautiful and sad song...

https://youtu.be/60ItHLz5WEA
http://de.musicplayon.com/play?v=528335 (restrung)

faded (by Alan Walker and vocals by Iselin Solheim)

You were the shadow to my light
Did you feel us
Another Start
You fade away
Afraid our aim is out of sight
Wanna se us
Alight

Where are you now
Where are you now
Where are you now
Was it all in my fantasy
Where are you now
Were you only imaginary
Where are you now

Atlantis
Under the sea
Under the sea
Where are you now
Another dream
The monsters running wild inside of me

I'm faded
I'm faded
So lost,
I'm faded
I'm faded
So lost,
I'm faded
These shallow waters, never met
What i needed
I'm letting go
A deeper dive
Eternal silence of the sea
I'm breathing
Alive

Where are you now
Where are you now

Under the bright
But faded lights
You set my heart on fire
Where are you now
Where are you now

Where are you now
Atlantis Under the sea
Under the sea
Where are you now
Another dream
The monsters running wild inside of me
I'm faded
I'm faded
So lost,
I'm faded
I'm faded
So lost,
I'm faded.



picture found: http://www.fundospaisagens.com/1280x1024/nascer-do-dia-na-floresta.jpg
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London Bridge is falling down
https://youtu.be/0uubCd-iqCo (version by Dezzaired)
https://youtu.be/HCsC2OgFnsc (version in "Black Butler")

London Bridge is falling down (traditional nursery rhyme)

London Bridge is falling down
Falling down, falling down
London Bridge is falling down
My fair lady

Build it up with iron bars
Iron bars, iron bars
Build it up with iron bars
My fair lady

Iron bars will bend and break
Bend and break, bend and break
Iron bars will bend and break
My fair lady

Build it up with god and silver
Gold and silver, gold and silver
Build it up with gold and silver
My fair lady

London Bridge is falling down
Falling down, falling down
London Bridge is falling down
My fair lady


#LondonBridgeIsFallingDown  

picture: http://www.avictorian.com/london_landmarks.html
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it makes me sad, to hear that others take things out of their original place...

when i was in university (archeology) i heard that there are a lot of antique things taken away (rather prefer the word "stolen" - even when someone [very often egoistic] gave money, but it is stolen from the place, from the people there, from their past, from our past) - how beautiful would be the parthenon in Athens would look like if this man wouldn't have stolen so many? So it is with the gates of Babylon (original is in germany [though there is a feeling of relief when things are safe and not in the near of fanatics - things of another religion could be accepted, and if someone wants to use them, why not use them as museum or as library? Isn't it a good thing to know that people live in a place where once had been a high culture? Thinking of what beauty their architecture once had, of their knowledge etc.]), and a lot of other things which aren't in their original places anymore
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Janine Viviane Hofmann

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+Janine Viviane Hofmann i'll take it if you take mine though i'm afraid mine is in the same condition too...
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beautiful music...

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x43g5pp

stupid girl (by M. Juno)

And then again
Maybe you think if you send me a song
You don't have to tell me how you feel
But then again
Maybe the circus is all in my head
And none of this is actually real
But then again
Someone's always loving more and that someone's me
I guess I never learn
But then again
Some are strangers, some are friends
And some are lovers
And someone's gonna get burned

I keep laying my life right there in your hands
I keep holding on but it doesn't make any sense
You keep pushing me off by the top
By the top of the world
I'm such a stupid girl
Such a stupid girl, girl, oh
Stupid girl, girl, oh
Stupid girl, girl, oh
I'm such a stupid girl, oh

You made me smile for a week, yeah, you did
And I was bouncing off the walls
But then again
I could keep giving you all I got
But you just give me nothing at all
But then again
Now every little thread's like a lifeline
And I'm tearing at the seams
But then again
I know I'd still get wasted on a cheap wine
So you take advantage of me

I keep laying my life right there in your hands
I keep holding on but it doesn't make any sense
You keep pushing me off by the top
By the top of the world
I'm such a stupid girl
Such a stupid girl, girl, oh
Stupid girl, girl, oh
Stupid girl, girl, oh
I'm such a stupid girl, oh

Now, what do you call it, what do you call it, what do you call it
When you're angry all the time
And you're falling off of Cloud 9
What do you call it, what do you call it, what do you call it
When you love someone who doesn't love you back?
Now, what do you call that?
You made me smile for a week, yeah, you did
And I was bouncing off the walls
I could keep giving you all I got
But you just give me nothing at all

Stupid girl, girl, oh
Such a stupid girl, girl, oh
Stupid girl, girl, oh
I'm such a stupid girl, oh



picture: found in google
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beautiful music

https://youtu.be/lQe326uf4Yw

speeding cars (by Waling on Cars)

So if I stand in front of a speeding car
Would you tell me who you are, what you like?
What's on your mind, if I'd get it right?
How I love that no one knows
And these secrets all that we've got so far
The demons in the dark, lie again
Play pretends like it never ends
This way no one has to know

Even the half smile would have slowed down the time
If I could call you half mine
Maybe this is the safest way to go
We're singing
Heya heya heya heya
Heya, heya heya
This is the safest way to go nobody gets hurt
We're singing
Heya heya heya heya
Heya, heya heya
You go back to him and then I'll go back to her

So if I stand in front of a speeding car
Would you give your little heart?
Say the word?
Due to just me and you
This way everyone will know
'Cause these secrets all that we've got so far
The demons in the dark, lie again
Play pretends like it never ends
This way no one has to know

Even the half smile would have slowed down the time
If I could call you half mine
Maybe this is the safest way to go
We're singing
Heya heya heya heya
Heya, heya heya
This is the safest way to go nobody gets hurt
We're singing
Heya heya heya heya
Heya, heya heya
You go back to him and then I'll go back to her

So if I stand in front of a speeding car
Would you tell me who you are, what you like?
What's on your mind, if I'd get it right?
How I love that no one knows
These secrets all that we've got so far
The demons in the dark, lie again
Play pretends like it never ends
How I love that no one knows

Advertise my secret
I don't really need it
I know you can feel this
So advertise my secret
I don't really need it
I know you can feel this
So advertise my
Advertise my secret

We're singing
Heya heya heya heya
Heya, heya heya
This is the safest way to go nobody gets hurt
We're singing
Heya heya heya heya
Heya, heya heya
You go back to him and then I'll go back to her

If I stand in front of a speeding car
Don't know who you are
Don't know who you are
Heya heya heya heya
Heya, heya heya
You go back to him and then I'll go back to her

#WalkingOnCars #SpeedingCars  

picture found: http://entertainment.ie/music/news/Walking-on-Cars-reveal-breathtaking-video-for-new-single-Speeding-Cars-watch-it-here/373304.htm
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The Raven (by Edgar Allen Poe, read by Christopher Lee)
https://youtu.be/BefliMlEzZ8

The Raven (Edgar Allen Poe) - french & german translations below

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels name Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Le Corbeau (Edgar Allen Poe)
 
Une fois, par un minuit lugubre, tandis que je m'appesantissais, faible
et fatigué, sur maint curieux et bizarre volume de savoir oublié, tandis
que je dodelinais la tête, somnolant presque, soudain se fit un heurt,
comme de quelqu'un frappant doucement, frappant à la porte de ma
chambre, cela seul et rien de plus
 
Ah! distinctement je me souviens que c'était en le glacial décembre :
et chaque tison, mourant isolé, ouvrageait son spectre sur le sol.
Ardemment je souhaitais le jour; vainement j'avais cherché d'emprunter
à mes livres un sursis au chagrin - au chagrin de la Lénore perdue -
de la rare et rayonnante jeune fille que les anges nomment Lénore -
de nom! pour elle ici, non, jamais plus!
 
Et de la soie l'incertain et triste bruissement en chaque rideau purpural
me traversait, m'emplissait de fantastiques terreurs pas senties
encore : si bien que, pour calmer le battement de mon coeur, je
demeurais maintenant à répéter : C'est quelque visiteur qui sollicite
l'entrée, à la porte de ma chambre; quelque visiteur qui sollicite l'entrée
à la porte de ma chambre; c'est cela et rien de plus
 
Mon âme se fit subitement plus forte et, n'hésitant davantage :
"Monsieur, dis-je, ou madame, j'implore véritablement votre pardon ;
mais le fait est que je somnolais, et vous vîntes si doucement frapper,
et si faiblement vous vîntes heurter, heurter à la porte de ma chambre,
que j'étais à peine sûr de vous avoir entendu." Ici j'ouvris grande
la porte : les ténèbres et rien de plus
 
Loin dans l'ombre regardant, je me tins longtemps à douter, m'étonner
et craindre, à rêver des rêves qu'aucun mortel n'avait osé rêver encore;
mais le silence ne se rompit point et la quiétude ne donna de signe ;
et le seul mot qui se dit, fut le mot chuchoté "Lénore!" je le
chuchotai et un écho murmura de retour le mot "Lénore!" purement
cela et rien de plus
 
Rentrant dans la chambre, toute l'âme en feu, j'entendis bientôt un
heurt en quelque sorte plus fort qu'auparavant. "Sûrement, dis-je
sûrement c'est quelque chose à la persienne de ma fenêtre. Voyons donc
ce qu'il y a et explorons ce mystère ; que mon coeur se calme un moment
et explore ce mystère ; c'est le vent et rien de plus."
 
Au large je poussai le volet, quand, avec maints enjouement et agitation
d’ailes, entra un majestueux corbeau des saints jours de jadis. Il ne
fit pas la moindre révérence, il ne s’arrêta ni n’hésita un instant : mais,
avec une mine de lord ou de lady, se percha au-dessus de la porte de
ma chambre ; se percha sur un buste de Pallas, juste au-dessus de la
porte de ma chambre ; se percha, siégea et rien de plus
 
Alors cet oiseau d’ébène induisant ma triste imagination au sourire,
par le grave et sévère décorum de la contenance qu’il eut : "Quoique
ta crête soit chenue et rase, non! Dis-je, tu n’es pas, pour sûr, un
poltron, spectral, lugubre et ancien Corbeau, errant loin du rivage de
Nuit - dis-moi quel est ton nom seigneurial au rivage plutonien de
Nuit." Le Corbeau dit : "Jamais plus."
 
Je m’émerveillai fort d’entendre ce disgracieux volatile s’énoncer aussi
clairement, quoique sa réponse n’eût que peu de sens et peu d’à-propos ;
car on ne peut s’empêcher de convenir que nul homme vivant n’eut
encore l’heur de voir un oiseau au-dessus de la porte de sa chambre
- un oiseau ou toute autre bête sur le buste sculpté au-dessus de la porte
de sa chambre -, avec un nom tel que : "Jamais plus."
 
Mais le Corbeau perché solitairement sur ce buste placide, parla ce
seul mot comme si son âme, en ce seul mot, il la répandait. Je ne proférai
donc rien de plus ; il n’agita donc pas de plume, jusqu’à ce que je
fis à peine davantage que marmotter : "D’autres amis déjà ont pris
leur vol, demain il me laissera comme mes espérances déjà ont pris
leur vol." Alors l’oiseau dit : "Jamais plus."
 
Tressaillant au calme rompu par une réplique si bien parlée ; "Sans
doute, dis-je ce qu’il profère est tout son fonds et son bagage, pris à
quelque malheureux maître que l’impitoyable Désastre suivit de près
et de très près suivit jusqu’à ce que ses chansons comportassent un
unique refrain ; jusqu’à ce que les chants funèbres de son Espérance
comportassent le mélancolique refrain de "Jamais - jamais plus."
 
Le Corbeau induisant toute ma triste âme encore au sourire, je roulai
soudain un siège à coussins en face de l’oiseau, et du buste, et de la
porte ; et m’enfonçant dans le velours, je me pris à enchaîner songerie
à songerie, pesant à ce que cet augural oiseau de jadis, à ce que
ce sombre, disgracieux, sinistre, maigre, et augural oiseau de jadis
signifiait en croissant : "Jamais plus."
 
Cela, je m’assis occupé à le conjecturer, mais n’adressant pas une syllabe
à l’oiseau dont les yeux de feu brûlaient, maintenant, au fond de mon
sein ; cela et plus encore, je m’assis pour le devine, ma tête reposant
à l’aise sur la housse de velours des coussins que dévorait la lumière
de la lampe, housse violette de velours qu’Elle ne pressera plus, ah!
jamais plus.
 
L’air, me sembla-t-il, devint alors que dense, parfumé selon un
encensoir invisible balancé par les Séraphins dont le pied, dans la chute
tintait sur l’étoffe du parquet. "Misérable! m’écriai-je, ton Dieu t’a
prêté ; il t’a envoyé par ces anges le répit, le répit et le népenthès dans
ta mémoire de Lénore! Bois! oh! bois ce bon népenthès et oublie cette
Lénore perdue!" Le Corbeau dit : "Jamais plus."
 
"Prophète, dis-je, être de malheur! prophète, oui, oiseau ou démon!
Que si le Tentateur t’envoya ou la tempête t’échoua vers ces bords,
désolé et encore tout indompté, vers cette déserte terre enchantée, vers
ce logis par l’horreur hanté : dis-moi véritablement, je t’implore! y a-t-il
du baume en Judée? Dis-moi, je t’implore." Le Corbeau dit :
"Jamais plus!"
 
"Prophète, dis-je, être de malheur! prophète, oui, oiseau ou démon!
Par les cieux sur nous épars, et le Dieu que nous adorons tous deux,
dis à cette âme de chagrin chargée si, dans le distant Eden, elle doit
embrasser une jeune fille sanctifiée que les anges nomment Lénore
- embrasser une rare et rayonnante jeune fille que les anges nomment
Lénore." Le Corbeau dit : "Jamais plus!"
 
"Que ce mot soit le signal de notre séparation, oiseau ou malin
esprit" hurlai-je en me dressant. "Recule en la tempête et le rivage
plutonien de Nuit! Ne laisse pas une plume noire ici comme un gage
du mensonge qu’a proféré ton âme. Laisse inviolé mon abandon! quitte
le buste au-dessus de ma porte! ôte ton bec de mon coeur et jette ta
forme loin de ma porte!" Le Corbeau dit : "Jamais plus!
 
Et le Corbeau, sans voleter, siège encore, siège encore sur le buste pallide
de Pallas, juste au-dessus de la porte de ma chambre, et ses yeux ont
toute la semblance des yeux d’un démon qui rêve, et la lumière de la
lampe, ruisselant sur lui, projette son ombre à terre : et mon âme,
de cette ombre qui gîte flottante à terre ne s’élèvera - jamais plus

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Der Rabe (Edgar Allen Poe)

Einst, um eine Mittnacht graulich, da ich
     trübe sann und traulich
müde über manchem alten Folio lang ver-
     gess'ner Lehr' -
da der Schlaf schon kam gekrochen, scholl
     auf einmal leis ein Pochen,
gleichwie wenn ein Fingerknochen poch-
     te, von der Türe her.
"'s ist Besuch wohl", murrt' ich, "was da
     pocht so knöchern zu mir her -
          das allein - nichts weiter mehr."
Ah, ich kann's genau bestimmen: im De-
     zember war's, dem grimmen,
und der Kohlen matt Verglimmen schuf
     ein Geisterlicht so leer.
Brünstig wünscht' ich mir den Morgen;
     - hatt' umsonst versucht zu borgen
von den Büchern Trost dem Sorgen, ob
     Lenor' wohl selig wär' -
ob Lenor', die ich verloren, bei den Engeln
     selig wär' -
           bei den Engeln - hier nicht mehr.
Und das seidig triste Drängen in den pur-
     purnen Behängen
füllt', durchwühlt' mich mit Beengen, wie
     ich's nie gefühlt vorher;
also daß ich den wie tollen Herzensschlag
     mußt' wiederholen:
"'s ist Besuch nur, der ohn' Grollen mahnt,
     daß Einlaß er begehr' -
nur ein später Gast, der friedlich mahnt,
     daß Einlaß er begehr'; -
          ja, nur das - nichts weiter mehr."
Augenblicklich schwand mein Bangen,
     und so sprach ich unbefangen:
"Gleich, mein Herr - gleich, meine Dame-
     um Vergebung bitt' ich sehr;
just ein Nickerchen ich machte, und Ihr
     Klopfen klang so sachte,
daß ich kaum davon erwachte, sachte von
     der Türe her -
doch nun tretet ein!" - und damit riß weit
     auf die Tür ich - leer!
          Dunkel dort - nichts weiter mehr.
Tief ins Dunkel späht' ich lange, zwei-
     felnd, wieder seltsam bange,
Träume träumend, wie kein sterblich Hirn
     sie träumte je vorher;
doch die Stille gab kein Zeichen; nur ein
     Wort ließ hin sie streichen
durch die Nacht, das mich erbleichen ließ:
     das Wort "Lenor'?" so schwer -
selber sprach ich's, und ein Echo mur-
     melte's zurück so schwer:
          nur "Lenor'!" - nichts weiter mehr.
Da ich nun zurück mich wandte und mein
     Herz wie Feuer brannte,
hört' ich abermals ein Pochen, etwas lau-
     ter denn vorher.
"Ah, gewiß", so sprach ich bitter, "liegt's an
     meinem Fenstergitter;
Schaden tat ihm das Gewitter jüngst - ja,
     so ich's mir erklär', -
schweig denn still, mein Herze, laß mich
     nachsehn, daß ich's mir erklär!: -
          's ist der Wind - nichts weiter mehr!"
Auf warf ich das Fenstergatter, als herein
     mit viel Geflatter
schritt ein stattlich stolzer Rabe wie aus
     Sagenzeiten her;
Grüßen lag ihm nicht im Sinne; keinen
     Blick lang hielt er inne;
mit hochherrschaftlicher Miene flog em-
     por zur Türe er -
setzt' sich auf die Pallas-Büste überm Tür-
     gesims dort - er
           flog und saß - nichts weiter mehr.
Doch dies ebenholzne Wesen ließ mein
     Bangen rasch genesen,
ließ mich lächelnd ob der Miene, die es
     macht' so ernst und hehr;
"Ward dir auch kein Kamm zur Gabe",
     sprach ich, "so doch stolz Gehabe,
grauslich grimmer alter Rabe, Wanderer
     aus nächtger Sphär' -
sag, welch hohen Namen gab man dir in
     Plutos nächtger Sphär'?"
          Sprach der Rabe, "Nimmermehr."
Staunend hört' dies rauhe Klingen ich dem
     Schnabel sich entringen,
ob die Antwort schon nicht eben sinnvoll
     und bedeutungsschwer;
denn wir dürfen wohl gestehen, daß es kei-
     nem noch geschehen,
solch ein Tier bei sich zu sehen, das vom
     Türgesimse her -
das von einer Marmor-Büste überm Tür-
     gesimse her
          sprach, es heiße "Nimmermehr."
Doch der droben einsam ragte und dies
     eine Wort nur sagte,
gleich als schütte seine Seele aus in diesem
     Worte er,
keine Silbe sonst entriß sich seinem düst-
     ren Innern, bis ich
seufzte: "Mancher Freund verließ mich
     früher schon ohn' Wiederkehr -
morgen wird er mich verlassen, wie mein
     Glück - ohn' Wiederkehr."
          Doch da sprach er, "Nimmermehr!"
Einen Augenblick erblassend ob der Ant-
     wort, die so passend,
sagt' ich, "Fraglos ist dies alles, was das
     Tier gelernt bisher:
's war bei einem Herrn in Pflege, den so tief
     des Schicksals Schläge
trafen, daß all seine Wege schloß dies eine
     Wort so schwer -
daß all seiner Hoffnung Lieder als Refrain
     beschloß so schwer
          dies "Nimmer - nimmermehr."
Doch was Trübes ich auch dachte, dieses
     Tier mich lächeln machte,
immer noch, und also rollt' ich stracks mir
     einen Sessel her
und ließ die Gedanken fliehen, reihte wil-
     de Theorien,
Phantasie an Phantasien: wie's wohl zu
     verstehen wär' -
wie dies grimme, ominöse Wesen zu ver-
     stehen wär',
          wenn es krächzte "Nimmermehr."
Dieses zu erraten, saß ich wortlos vor dem
     Tier, doch fraß sich
mir sein Blick ins tiefste Innre nun, als ob
     er Feuer wär';
brütend über Ungewissem legt' ich, hin
     und her gerissen,
meinen Kopf aufs samtne Kissen, das ihr
     Haupt einst drückte hehr -
auf das violette Kissen, das ihr Haupt einst
     drückte hehr,
          doch nun, ach! drückt nimmermehr!
Da auf einmal füllten Düfte, dünkt' mich,
     weihrauchgleich die Lüfte,
und seraphner Schritte Klingen drang
     vom Estrich zu mir her.
"Ärmster", rief ich, "sieh, Gott sendet seine
     Engel dir und spendet
Nepenthes, worinnen endet nun Lenor's
     Gedächtnis schwer; -
trink das freundliche Vergessen, das bald
     tilgt, was in dir schwer!"
          Sprach der Rabe, "Nimmermehr."
"Ah, du prophezeist ohn' Zweifel, Höllen-
     brut! Ob Tier, ob Teufel -
ob dich der Versucher sandte, ob ein Sturm
     dich ließ hierher,
trostlos, doch ganz ohne Bangen, in dies
     öde Land gelangen,
in dies Haus, von Graun umfangen, - sag's
     mir ehrlich, bitt' ich sehr -
gibt es- gibt's in Gilead Balsam? - sag's mir
     - sag mir, bitt' dich sehr!"
          Sprach der Rabe, "Nimmermehr."
"Ah! dann nimm den letzten Zweifel,
     Höllenbrut - ob Tier, ob Teufel!
Bei dem Himmel, der hoch über uns sich
     wölbt - bei Gottes Ehr' -
künd mir: wird es denn geschehen, daß ich
     einst in Edens Höhen
darf ein Mädchen wiedersehen, selig in
     der Engel Heer -
darf Lenor', die ich verloren, sehen in der
     Engel Heer?"
          Sprach der Rabe, "Nimmermehr."
"Sei denn dies dein Abschiedszeichen",
     schrie ich, "Unhold ohnegleichen!
Hebe dich hinweg und kehre stracks zu-
     rück in Plutos Sphär'!
Keiner einz'gen Feder Schwärze bliebe
     hier, dem finstern Scherze
Zeugnis! Laß mit meinem Schmerze mich
     allein! - hinweg dich scher!
Friß nicht länger mir am Leben! Pack dich!
     Fort! Hinweg dich scher!"
          Sprach der Rabe, "Nimmermehr."
Und der Rabe rührt' sich nimmer, sitzt
     noch immer, sitzt noch immer
auf der bleichen Pallas-Büste überm Tür-
     sims wie vorher;
und in seinen Augenhöhlen eines Dämons
     Träume schwelen,
und das Licht wirft seinen scheelen Schat-
     ten auf den Estrich schwer;
und es hebt sich aus dem Schatten auf dem
     Estrich dumpf und schwer
          meine Seele - nimmermehr.


#EdgarAllenPoe #TheRaven #LeCorbeau #DerRabe  

sources: http://www.heise.de/ix/raven/Literature/Lore/TheRaven.html
http://www.rocler.qc.ca/cduret/usher/Poe.html
http://www.gerntrup.de/lyric/lyric001_deu.htm

picture: found in google
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Please do not attempt to proselytize, not to any religion or to atheism.
People who hate others (because of origin, gender, religion, etc.) and want to spread hatred will be blocked. People who aggressive and have an affinity to (psychical and or physical) violence will be blocked.
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Contact with all these listed people is NOT wanted!

Bitte keine Versuche zu missionieren, weder zu irgendwelchen Religionen noch zu Atheismus.
Leute, die Hass auf andere (wegen Herkunft, Glauben, usw.) haben und diesen Hass verbreiten wollen, werden blockiert.
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Anyone knows how to go into another country? How to find a home? I would like to continue and complete my time as student (classical archeology)... Maybe in Ireland (which universities have historical subjects?). Maybe Wales, England or Scotland?

 
Greece, Italy, France,... are fascinating, too... when there would be a possibility to learn the language

New Zealand,... is so far away...

somewhere, where there are more warm hearted people

Does anyone know how to get away? Can anyone help me?


Weiß jemand wie ein Auslandsaufenthalt abläuft? Wie eine Wohnung finden? Würde gerne mein Studium abschließen können (klassische Archäologie im Hauptfach), oder müsste es neu angefangen werden, weil es als Magisterstudiengang  angefangen war? Vielleicht in Irland (welche Unis haben historische Fächer?). Vielleicht Wales, England oder Schottland?

Griechenland, Italien, Frankreich, ... sind auch interessant... wenn es die Möglichkeit gäbe, die Sprache zu lernen

Neu Seeland,... ist so weit weg...

irgendwo, wo es mehr freundliche Leute gibt

Oder in Deutschland bleiben... (leider weiß ich, nicht wo überall "meine" Fächer angeboten werden), oder in die Schweiz, oder nach Österreich... (gibt es dort eigentlich noch den Magister- Abschluss?)

Weiß jemand, wie weg kommen? Weiß jemand Hilfe?

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: nature, music, art, drawing, books, fantasy, history (from stone age to the middle ages), archeology, astronomy (the science), different countries,... 


↓: war, violence (psychical and physical), pollution, overexploitation, lies, aggression, egoismn, fanaticism,...


 plants: trees, flowers (roses, snowdrops, sunflowers,...), moss,...✿ ☾ ☼ ☁ 💕
 


♡ books: "the alchemist" (P.Coelho), "the prophet" (K.Gibran), "a brief history of time" (S.Hawking), "the lord of the rings" (J.R.R.Tolkien), and a lot more


♡ films: "Lord of the Rings", "Whale Rider", "Dead poets society", "Good Will Hunting",...


♡ music: classical music, mediaeval music, film music, gothik music, Nirvana, U2, Muse,  Evanescence, Tori Amos, Enya...♪ ♪ ♫


♡ anime: films by Studio Ghibli, films by "Studio Gainax",...

 
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Eine Auswahl von schönen Weisheiten ★   :
 
"We have learned to fly the air like birds and swim the sea like fish, but we have not yet learned the simple art of living together as brothers." (Martin Luther King)

"Wir haben gelernt, wie die Vögel zu fliegen, wie die Fische zu schwimmen; doch wir haben die einfache Kunst verlernt, wie Menschen zu leben." (M. Luther King)


"Only when the last tree has been cut down; Only when the last river has been poisoned; Only when the last fish has been caught; Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten." (Native American proverb)
 
"Erst wenn der letzte Baum gerodet, der letzte Fluss vergiftet, der letzte Fisch gefangen, werdet ihr feststellen, dass man Geld nicht essen kann." (Weisheit der Cree Indianer)
 

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.” (A. Einstein)

Phantasie ist wichtiger als Wissen, denn Wissen ist begrenzt.“ (A. Einstein)
 

“Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind” (J. F. Kennedy)

"Die Menschheit muss dem Krieg ein Ende setzen, oder der Krieg setzt der Menschheit ein Ende." (J. F. Kennedy)

 
Wer eine Wahrheit verbergen will, braucht sie nur offen auszusprechen - sie wird einem ja doch nicht geglaubt.“ (C. M. de Talleyrand - Périgord)

 
Die Öffentlichkeit hat eine unstillbare Neugier, alles zu wissen, nur nicht das Wissenswerte.“ (O. Wilde)
 

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." (A. de Saint - Exupéry)

Man sieht nur mit dem Herzen gut. Das Wesentliche ist für die Augen unsichtbar. (A. de Saint - Exupéry)
 

Trees are much like human beings and enjoy each other's company.(Jens Jensen)


Die Traurigkeit ist das Los der tiefen Seelen und der starken Intelligenzen.“ (A. Vinet)
Bragging rights
Vegetarier