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Tricia Lorntson
Attended School of Hard Knocks
Lives in St. Paul, MN
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Tricia Lorntson

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Photo Fail
Recently someone accused me of being stingy with pictures of my niece, so I felt the need to explain myself. I no longer take photos of her, because I'm not allowed to use my phone. Once upon a time I showed Priya the camera roll on my phone and she shrieke...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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What I Wish I Knew in High School
I'm crashing my 20th high school reunion on Saturday. I say crashing because although they are my class, I wasn't there graduating with them. I was lucky to make it out of puberty alive, never mind a diploma. People seem to remember high school as either th...
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Friends Forever
I've been thinking a lot about friends lately, probably because my 20th HS reunion is in a few weeks or possibly because, when you have no career, car, home, partner, family or children of your own, your relationships are all that's left in your life. I wat...
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Never Say No to Cuddles
"There's clearly something going on neurologically." "It seems like an infection, but it could be heart disease or a systemic cancer. Or possibly a blood clot." "There are abnormalities but she's an unusual case - we aren't sure what to think." "At this poi...
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Spoon Feed Me
Some of my friends are heading to the cabin this weekend. Some are spending time with their families. And some are jumping out of airplanes tomorrow. I'm supposed to be in Duluth with a friend, meandering the shore of Lake Superior, but for the spoon theory...
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Gen Me
Who decided that little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice? I have a new niece in my life, and there's no sugar coating. There is definite cuteness, but there is also willfulness, manipulation and a stubborn streak wider than a KardashiAs...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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HalloWeenie of the Year
Maybe I was a little sheltered when I was small.  We didn't have cable television. The first movie I remember terrifying me was Gremlins, at age seven. At eight,  Large Marge nearly made me shit my pants and by nine I'd seen Clue at a slumber party. I had n...
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Lyme Loonies - Get Loud!
On Wednesday I had a court hearing to appeal my denial of Social Security disability benefits. My stomach was in knots and I mentally prepared myself for another letdown, so when the judge ruled in my favor, three things happened in quick succession. I crie...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Childfree vs Parent - A Helpful Translation Guide
While everyone knows that life with children will be a big change, the reality can still be a bit shocking, like a dip in an icy lake or perhaps a dive into utter lunacy. I don't have children of my own, but I live with my brother and his wife - and the  mo...
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Mini-Me
Genetics are a funny (terrifying?) thing. Two of my cousins look more like my mother's daughters than I do. My brother and I look alike, yet I think he looks just like one of my uncles while I do not. And now there is my niece, Lil Dickie, who is clearly - ...
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Tiny Monsters
May is Lyme Disease Awareness Month, when we and the ticks lumber forth from our winter hibernation, blinking in the sunlight. Lyme Disease is either a simple infection, curable with two weeks of antibiotics, or a devastating and chronic infectious disease....
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Oops, I Did It Again
27 moves in 38 years. I'm tired. Tired of packing, tired of schlepping. Tired of hoping that any place will ever feel like home to me, tired of believing that I will belong somewhere. Tired of trying to prove my worth to people. I couldn't work or drive, bu...
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People
Work
Occupation
Will write for food, beverage, spare change
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
St. Paul, MN
Story
Tagline
Author, Confessions of a Recovering Cynic
Introduction
I'm a shameless writer missing several brain cells and a filter. I write about stuff you don't want to know but you laugh anyhow then glance around surreptitiously to see if anyone noticed and you feel vaguely ashamed.
Bragging rights
I was an extra in Mallrats, my big toes are double-jointed and I make a mean homemade salsa.
Education
  • School of Hard Knocks
Basic Information
Gender
Female
Other names
Tershbango