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Tricia Lorntson
Attended School of Hard Knocks
Lives in St. Paul, MN
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Tricia Lorntson

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Spoon Feed Me
Some of my friends are heading to the cabin this weekend. Some are spending time with their families. And some are jumping out of airplanes tomorrow. I'm supposed to be in Duluth with a friend, meandering the shore of Lake Superior, but for the spoon theory...
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Tricia Lorntson

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Gen Me
Who decided that little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice? I have a new niece in my life, and there's no sugar coating. There is definite cuteness, but there is also willfulness, manipulation and a stubborn streak wider than a KardashiAs...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Bad Luck and Blind Love
Before you think I'm blaming broken mirrors for my lot in life, rest assured I'm aware that many of my choices have proven poor. Yet even when I make good decisions, I have a propensity for bumblefucking my way through life tripping over every black cat on ...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Body Image
I wasted so many years hating my body. I missed so many chances to do things because I was self-conscious of how I might look. By the time I was ten, I'd figured out that my skin was different - while other kids browned and crisped in the sunshine, my pasty...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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How to Train a Dog
Basic Commands Dolly, Rock It! This simple command requires a moment or two of physical assault and was mastered instantly in our house. She a pro. Sit Using only seventeen treats per day, hold one in your hand and stare at her until she stopped frantically...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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Dear Priya: Hats and Dogs
Dear Priya, Life Lesson: Hats are Good I've been terribly busy puking and herding clowns (as pictured), but I meant to write sooner. We have things to talk about. First, hats . Get some immediately. I left you unsupervised with your parents for two weeks an...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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Tiny Monsters
May is Lyme Disease Awareness Month, when we and the ticks lumber forth from our winter hibernation, blinking in the sunlight. Lyme Disease is either a simple infection, curable with two weeks of antibiotics, or a devastating and chronic infectious disease....
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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Oops, I Did It Again
27 moves in 38 years. I'm tired. Tired of packing, tired of schlepping. Tired of hoping that any place will ever feel like home to me, tired of believing that I will belong somewhere. Tired of trying to prove my worth to people. I couldn't work or drive, bu...
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What Goes Up Must Come Down
Living with Lyme disease is like being trapped in a body gone mad. You spend a huge percentage of your time fighting dozens of symptoms that migrate and shift constantly. I'll spend days on end vomiting constantly and then - POOF! Suddenly my stomach calms ...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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Girls Who Peek - A Christmas Poem
Twas the night before Christmas Eve and all through this friggin' place, a hundred things left to be done and it felt like a Nascar race. Treats to bake and food to make and presents to finish wrapping, while the girls pretend to fall asleep and my man is s...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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You're Obvanously Invited to the Naughty Elves Bazaar
This one is for you locals in the Minneapolis area. A wise little fifth-grade ginger recently caught me sobbing in the bathroom after puking out my nose. She wanted to know why I was so upset and I said I was tired of throwing up. "But you always throw up, ...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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More (Attempts at) Gratitude in the Shitstorm(s)
It has been brought to my attention that a recent post has led some folks to believe I am suicidal. I am not. Wishing you are dead is not the same thing as making it so. I am not suicidal, I am  honest. I'm honest about just how incredibly frustrated and an...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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People
Work
Occupation
Will write for food, beverage, spare change
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
St. Paul, MN
Story
Tagline
Author, Confessions of a Recovering Cynic
Introduction
I'm a shameless writer missing several brain cells and a filter. I write about stuff you don't want to know but you laugh anyhow then glance around surreptitiously to see if anyone noticed and you feel vaguely ashamed.
Bragging rights
I was an extra in Mallrats, my big toes are double-jointed and I make a mean homemade salsa.
Education
  • School of Hard Knocks
Basic Information
Gender
Female
Other names
Tershbango