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Tricia Lorntson
Attended School of Hard Knocks
Lives in St. Paul, MN
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Tricia Lorntson

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Bad Luck and Blind Love
Before you think I'm blaming broken mirrors for my lot in life, rest assured I'm aware that many of my choices have proven poor. Yet even when I make good decisions, I have a propensity for bumblefucking my way through life tripping over every black cat on ...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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Body Image
I wasted so many years hating my body. I missed so many chances to do things because I was self-conscious of how I might look. By the time I was ten, I'd figured out that my skin was different - while other kids browned and crisped in the sunshine, my pasty...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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How to Train a Dog
Basic Commands Dolly, Rock It! This simple command requires a moment or two of physical assault and was mastered instantly in our house. She a pro. Sit Using only seventeen treats per day, hold one in your hand and stare at her until she stopped frantically...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Dear Priya: Hats and Dogs
Dear Priya, Life Lesson: Hats are Good I've been terribly busy puking and herding clowns (as pictured), but I meant to write sooner. We have things to talk about. First, hats . Get some immediately. I left you unsupervised with your parents for two weeks an...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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Hello, Dolly
My name is Dolly and yesterday I rescued some humans. I picked them because I can teach them street smarts and because those two girls are almost teenagers so they need more role models. I was a street trollop, you know, just having babies with any boy who ...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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101 Life Lessons - Part Five of Five
Dear Priya, Sorry about that, I got distracted by some barfing and the rant that unleashed itself in the midst of the literal bile. Let's get back to it. 77. About those dance lessons. Initially I wanted you to have them mostly to anger your dad but I've ch...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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What Goes Up Must Come Down
Living with Lyme disease is like being trapped in a body gone mad. You spend a huge percentage of your time fighting dozens of symptoms that migrate and shift constantly. I'll spend days on end vomiting constantly and then - POOF! Suddenly my stomach calms ...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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Girls Who Peek - A Christmas Poem
Twas the night before Christmas Eve and all through this friggin' place, a hundred things left to be done and it felt like a Nascar race. Treats to bake and food to make and presents to finish wrapping, while the girls pretend to fall asleep and my man is s...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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You're Obvanously Invited to the Naughty Elves Bazaar
This one is for you locals in the Minneapolis area. A wise little fifth-grade ginger recently caught me sobbing in the bathroom after puking out my nose. She wanted to know why I was so upset and I said I was tired of throwing up. "But you always throw up, ...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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More (Attempts at) Gratitude in the Shitstorm(s)
It has been brought to my attention that a recent post has led some folks to believe I am suicidal. I am not. Wishing you are dead is not the same thing as making it so. I am not suicidal, I am  honest. I'm honest about just how incredibly frustrated and an...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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The Definition of Insanity
So I've heard that often what annoys us in others are the same things we struggle with ourselves. I, for example, am not very neat. I can often be seen peeking from behind mountains of clothing in my room when left to my own devices and my craft supplies ha...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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Tricia Lorntson

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Why I Wish I Had Cancer
I wish I had cancer. This is how I look after puking a dozen times. I realize this is an awful , horrific thing to say, but I need you hear me out and to understand why I would say such a thing. Your first reaction (rightfully so) is probably to call me an ...
Tricia is a train wreck who writes unabashedly about her life for your entertainment. Single, shameless and slightly scary, she'll probably make you laugh - if only in relief that you aren't her.
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People
In her circles
83 people
Work
Occupation
Will write for food, beverage, spare change
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
St. Paul, MN
Story
Tagline
Author, Confessions of a Recovering Cynic
Introduction
I'm a shameless writer missing several brain cells and a filter. I write about stuff you don't want to know but you laugh anyhow then glance around surreptitiously to see if anyone noticed and you feel vaguely ashamed.
Bragging rights
I was an extra in Mallrats, my big toes are double-jointed and I make a mean homemade salsa.
Education
  • School of Hard Knocks
Basic Information
Gender
Female
Other names
Tershbango