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Amara Blessing
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A Certified International Protocol and Etiquette Consultant, Christian Relationship Counselor, Author, Blogger, Newspaper Columnist. Above all, a wife and mother.
A Certified International Protocol and Etiquette Consultant, Christian Relationship Counselor, Author, Blogger, Newspaper Columnist. Above all, a wife and mother.

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Know when you are abused in a relationship

1. He calls every thirty minutes to check on you and ask questions like 'where are you?' 'Who are you with?' Don't be deceived into thinking it's love; that's a possessive man.

2. He asks for your social media password without giving you his

3. He wants your phone and computers without password while his stay with passwords. Get yourself to become independent of such a man. But always remember that password or no password, a smart cheat will always find a way.

4. He does everything possible to keep your friends and relatives away from you. He can even come up with lies against them just to destroy your relationship with them. Yes, he wants to have you to himself and that's when he deals with you.

5. He admires women with makeup and hair extensions but won't let you wear them.

6. He feels threatened anytime you are well dressed and going out alone.

7. He wants you not to communicate with the opposite sex even your colleagues at work.

8. He wants you to ignore customers for his call.

9. If he makes you feel that you can't survive without him, step out and show him that he needs you more than you need him. Don't be afraid, you can survive without him and there are men out there who will gladly have you.

Ladies, never allow desperation to push you into regrets. You are an adult and that man does not own you. Your relationship with him should make you fulfilled and not depressed. Never lose your individuality for anyone.

T.D. Jakes Writes

I write to every empty-eyed child/adult with tears and trembling lips who has ever sat in my office struggling to mention the unmentionable. I write to that man who once came to me with a story he couldn't tell his own wife-he was into homosexuality and masturbation (God delivered him after series of counseling). I write to those women who call me in the middle of the night or early in the morning when their husband is out just because they are too afraid to talk to them about their fears and frustration. I write to that parent whose child has deviated from what he or she was taught. Most importantly, I write to every lady out there who hides behind silk dresses, designer handbags and shoes a terrible shame that makeup can't cover and showers will not wash away. I write to that single mother/father who plays the role of both parents. I write to that single woman who has been severally used and dumped by men. I write to every broken arrow out there.

These splintered, broken arrows come in all colours and forms. Often camouflaged behind the walls of otherwise successful lives, people wrestle with secret pain. You may be one of them. You may not even bear any sign of outward trauma, but your tragedy may have been severe enough to have destroyed your life if God had not held you together.

Or you may have escaped such horrifying experiences. Let the strong bear the infirmities of the weak. God can greatly use to restore whole-ness to others who walk in varying degrees of brokenness.

Every time you see some insecure, vulnerable, intimidated adult with unnatural fear in her/his eyes, low self-esteem, or an apologetic posture, you may be seeing a broken arrow. Every time you see that woman acting like a man rather than marry one; every time you see that preacher who has been married three times and still planning a fourth one; every time you see a handsome young man who could have been someone's father, walking like someone's mother, you may be seeing a broken arrow. If you think it's ugly, you are right. If you think it's wrong, you're right again. If you think t can't be fixed, you're dead wrong! If you look closely into these eyes, you will sense something that is weak, hurt, maimed, or disturbed-but fixable.

Amara Writes

Quit that habit of sitting behind your computer to destroy the little that is left of people. Stop acting like you are Jesus who shed His own blood for them. Stop the verbal battering of single ladies; help change their characters and build up their lives. Stop insulting the divorced because you don't know what they have been through. Stop laughing at that "very fat" woman because she could be a broken arrow. Stop telling her she is ugly because God could have sent her your way for strength to carry on. Friends, our Lord Jesus has not called us to the ministry of destruction; He shed His blood out of love and love is what He has called us to. You are a good man or woman, not by too much quoting of scriptures, but by what you have sown into lives. What does your neighbour feel about you? That prostitute down your street who is condemned by everyone, what does she say about you?

Are you one of those condemning that young widow whose husband left with six children and there is nothing to feed them? How many times have you sent food to her children? How many times have you given her a hug to assure her that all will be well someday? You just condemn her for jumping from one man to the other; what have you done to help her situation? In helping her situation, are you one of those evil men who take her body in exchange for money?

I remember December 2014 when I spent time with the widows of Dorcas Generation Initiative. After the event, some older widows came to me to report a fellow widow, a very young girl whose husband died while she was pregnant leaving her with four children. I listened as they told me how much they wanted me to send her away from the organization because she moves from one bed to another. I remembered what Jesus Christ did to them when they brought the adulterous woman to be stoned. When they finished, I looked at them and asked, "how many of you here have visited that girl? How many of you have gone to help her look after her kids while she hustle for money to feed them? How many of you have given her a cup of rice for her children?" As expected, none could speak. I then told them to let the young girl be and I reminded them that they may not know her tears to God at night. I reminded them that even if she sleeps with different men, she doesn't enjoy it but just that she doesn't know how to feed her children. Thank God they all had a change of mind as they dispersed. Well, that young widow is remarried today. Do you show love?

You may be among those criticizing her for having three children outside wedlock; that could be because you are a bad girl who has aborted five times while she is a good girl who chose not to shed innocent blood thereby adding to her sins.

The power to heal is in the power to care. Do you want to see our world healed? Do you want to see that young man or woman changed! Do you want to see hearts bubbling again with life? We must show compassion ; it is the mother of miracles. Just a smile to that dying woman; just a hug to that person could bring healing and strength.

Let us, instead of tearing down, build each other. A song says," I pray for you, you pray for me; I love you and I need you to survive. I won't harm you with words from my mouth, I love you and I need you to survive". It's okay when you don't want to have anything with some people, but please don't go about destroying a broken arrow.
If you yourself are a broken arrow, please allow someone into your life who can fix what's wrong. The healing you need could come from a new relationship with someone who is real. Your healing could come by opening up to that counselor who won't use your shared secrets against you tomorrow.

You can love again young woman! You can make it young man. Don't give up on God because He won't give up on you. The walls you have built to protect yourself has also imprisoned you. The Lord cares and He has positioned someone around you for your healing. Don't let pride stop you. Rise and be healed.
Love is the only thing that can heal the world; let us all show love to the broken arrows around us.

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We all feel bad at the ignorance of Abubakar Shekau and his Boko Haram group. We can't understand why they believe the teachings of their clergymen who tell them that their god (not my God) has seven virgins for them in his kingdom for killing those they tag 'infidels', the unbelievers. They have, according to their fellow Muslims, misinterpreted the Quran.

Now, that's the power of religion. These guys are not alone in this mess; many of us, Christians, are miserable in the name of religion. Many have misinterpreted the Holy Bible. We are not different from the Almajiris who don't read their Quran with understanding. We have suddenly lost interest in the genuine word of God. The words of our 'daddies' and 'mummies' are now more important than the word of God. It's now about what GO said is true instead of what the word says. It's no longer about being in the good books of heaven; it's more about being in Daddy's good books.

I shudder at the way so many Christians have become zombies and 'mumus' all in the name of religion. Your so called prophet and miracle worker told you to be in church on a Wednesday morning when you should be out their looking for money and you leave your job to go and worship. Now, on getting to the office, you have been sacked. You gather money that doesn't belong to you, money from sales and there you go to the pastor who asked you to sow a seed of faith. You are out of job, your children are now out of school; where is your Mr. Prophet?

When you stop relating with a member who left your ministry to another just because your pastor (Daddy) indirectly said so; when you cannot eat together with another Christian because you are holy while she is not holy because of makeup and earrings; are you not blinded by religion?

When they give you handkerchief that you must use whenever you pray with the instruction that you call the God of "my daddy" seven times representing the number of times they went round before the wall of Jericho collapsed. You do this and much more for miracle to happen even when you don't know if that his god is a little god buried somewhere in the pulpit. I recently heard about one of these rogues selling the blood of Jesus in bottles to his gullible followers. They frame pictures and sell to you for thousands of Naira and you foolishly buy them; are they now your Jesus? You wear rags and nylon on the body appearing as someone with a mental case (looks like you are), dirty and stinking believing you are just few inches away from heaven; you are just a miserable human. How many times has your leader and his wife worn that rag you wear? Are you aware that it's good money for any of their relatives who got the contract?

Your family is in chaos as a result of one prayer contractor somewhere; you can no longer talk to your step-mother or in-laws all because they told you that they are behind your endless woes. Your problem is poverty of the mind. When you can no longer use doll baby, beautiful lingerie, and shiny shoes all because your prophet or prophetess told you that they are all from the marine world and you go the extent of setting your beautiful plates and cutleries on fire because of what one confused mind is telling you; I pity you.

Your husband wants you to wear lovely skirts but you choose to wear 'mama Mary' and 'Mary amaka" skirts; there is nothing attractive in you all because of religion. The poor man cannot even turn to cuddle you in bed because the hair you tie 24/7 won't let him breathe well. Tomorrow you run for prayer, looking for who to kill by fire. Your problem is you.

You were asked to leave the church building to start eating grass like the goat you are and you obey all in the name of faith even when his wife and children are not eating the grass with you; when you are about to die in the labour room and the doctor, to save your life and that of your baby, decides to cut you open but your daddy or mummy calls to tell you that you must not do that and you foolishly obey; when you have no blood and at the point of death and religion tells you never to accept blood; there is fire on the mountain.

It's more annoying to see that even graduates can no longer think with their God-given brain and discuss intellectually without shouting "judge not". I shake my big, fat head in disappointment whenever I bring up an issue which should be intellectually analyzed only for people to tell you that it is a no go area. Protestants always talk about Martin Luther who fought the clergy to make the Bible accessible to the laity. But if you look at where we are now, you will discover that we have, unconsciously, being driven back to that time.

Your pastor comes on the altar, after a revelation of his serial womanizing with church members, to tell you that the devil is fighting the church and the kingdom of God is marching on and all you can do is to shout a thunderous "Amen" and "touch not my anointed"... What is the difference between you and these brainwashed animals? You won't even set up a committee to investigate, properly, the report. Anyway, what's the point investigating when it's a one man and family business?

You can no longer think. You are a graduate and every morning you report at daddy's house to become his PA and driver with no pay. You do all these but stay hungry at the end of the month. What are you going to tell your unborn children? Many parents have sold out their daughters to mummy. She is now the "executive handbag carrier". You know it's funny to see people fighting over who mummy has to travel with for preaching. All you get is the recognition as mummy's PA. Do you think you are living? You are just existing. African pastors are really having a field day because of the impoverished minds around them. To a good number of Africans, once you worship "daddy", you are on your way to heaven.

Do you think there is any difference between you and Boko Haram? The only difference is that they kill physically while you, as a result of hatred for people in other ministries, kill on daily basis. You don't just kill others; you kill yourself too. You are not different because you have allowed religion to blind your eyes.

Who has bewitched you?

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To get a copy of my new book, A Raging River (Paperback and Kindle available)

UK: Mrs. Caroline Martins-Ojo on 0203-234-3088/079-6179-1816


Nigeria:
Southwest: Rev. Felix Nwachukwu 08023211075/08058493020


South-South: Victor Akata on 0802 609 7109


Southeast: Modesty on 08066548487.


North: Nora on 08185245313/08038916033


USA/Canada: Available on Amazon via this link
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1945154004/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_twi_pap_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1484007595&sr=8-1&keywords=a+raging+river+amara+vanlare
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When you are constantly battered in your so called home and all your pastor and church leaders tell you is to stay back and pray. Have you tried to find out why the first thing they do is to take their away to their own home if she's involved in domestic violence?

When you have to write an exam the next day and the pastor makes you feel so guilty about your absence at the vigil. Have you asked yourself why he tells his own children to stay at home and study for their exam?


The pastor makes you feel you are on your way to hell because you didn't leave work before time to attend midweek service. Who told you God will send you to hell for not leaving your job to attend midweek service? Maybe for Sunday service (if at all that is true), but not midweek service. And the annoying part of it is that only a few of them truly care about your soul; a good number care about the auditorium being filled.


Spirituality doesn't mean stupidity. Don't blame God when you die in that home, fail that very important exam, or lose that job that feeds your children.
Get this into your head: If you are being battered in that your mansion, you have no home, you are in a jail room awaiting execution
Amara Blessing Van-Lare

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This is to you girlfriend: Please help yourself by doing everything you can to keep that look of disappointment off your face. I know your age mates are all married. I know your colleagues get married every Saturday. I know we need men as much as they need us. I know your mother wakes you up every morning with, " my daughter, is there no one yet?" I know you are bothered about menopause and childbearing.

But I want you to be happy at all times. Some unmarried ladies are not attractive,not because they are not beautiful; they are not attractive because when people look at them all they see is pain and disappointment. What has happened to that positive vibe you were known for? What has happened to the face that brought hope to others? Why have you allowed yourself to age prematurely just because there is no man yet? Your look and the glory that has left your face could be all you need to get a man hooked.

A good number of single women live in perpetual bitterness and depression. Many of them sleep and wake up in hatred for their fellow lady simply because they cant understand why it should be her and why God should be loving and blessing her. I really do understand your frustration. But there's no reason good enough to justify this wrong. If you love good, you will have good in your life. We all have our times and seasons in life, never pray for yours to come before God's time because that would mean pain.

Do you stop wanting to be married? Do you stop waiting for your husband? Well, of course not. Desiring to be married is never the problem. How you allow the lack of a husband to hold you back from the other blessings that God has for you is the problem. Too busy sulking and longing and not enough time considering that God was elevating your life in so many other ways. Why invest so much of your time and emotion into something that is not yet? I know how badly you want to be happy with your life, but you are missing the forest for the trees.

Stop deceiving yourself by believing you must sleep with every Tom, Dick, and Harry to get them to marry you. Stop throwing yourself at men just at the sound of "I will marry you"; a good number of them only want to go in between your legs. They won't marry you; they can only use and dump you. Because men have seen high level of desperation among the sisters, they now feel they can enjoy themselves as they like just by using the word, 'I want to marry you'.

Some of them are genuine and they mean whatever they say to you, but he also understands that it's not just about good sex and beautiful figure; he knows that marriage is serious business and must be entered with eyes wide open. He wants to see a woman with great vision who will give him the necessary push he needs to become great. He needs a woman who can discuss business and issues with him, not just sex, movies, holidays, and shopping. He wants a woman who fears God because she will be his backbone and pillar. Even in their madness, men still love having a very godly woman for marriage. He wants a woman who will be a mother and raise godly seeds. He wants a woman who will be busy building lives and working with her hands, not busy destroying with her mouth. He wants a woman, not a girl.

Stop running away with all kinds of excuses when your friends invite you to their wedding. When you are invited, please dress well and enter the hall with so much laughter and smile. Don't go about castigating your married friends and causing problems in their homes by devouring with your mouth because there is karma and it's real. Some women confide so much in their single friends without knowing that they are behind whatever problems they are into. Don't get it twisted; I am, in no way, saying that you shouldn't keep single friends as a married woman; I have very reliable single - never-married, divorced, and widowed women who are better than many married in terms of sound advice and confidentiality. But you must be wise.


Stop the excess makeup and dress to look younger. Makeup is meant to enhance your natural beauty and not turn you to a masquerade. When I say "dress to look younger", I am not talking about nudity. Know what hairstyle and colour makes you look younger. Know the dress style that accentuates your best features. Don't go for anything because it's in vogue or because it looks good on your friend. Dress for men to know that you are single and available. Stop dressing to make yourself a "thick madam" before your time; dress for a younger and more vibrant you.

If you can get that smile back and wear it again, you will see years taken off. Work on your character, carry yourself well remembering that the pride of womanhood must be protected. No matter what you do, never allow anyone make you less of a human because you are not married, but be sure it's not because of you. Your character, fashion sense, job, location, and friends could be the problem you have; make changes where necessary. Stop hating on married friends. start dressing, walking, sitting, standing, and talking like a mother and wife material whose husband will count himself blessed.


Deal with those things that scare men away. Be happy again, deal with jealousy, bitterness, and hatred. Worship God in sincerity and not just jumping into the choir or becoming an usher or prayer warrior because you want to be noticed. I see some single women act very uncoordinated in their church group; they insult even heads of departments and treat young men like they are nothing. You do all these because it's just a church group without realizing that someone from that group may end up becoming your in-law tomorrow. As an usher in church or a community group, how do you talk to people? So many single sisters in church who are in the ushering department need to be taught to put on a smile and talk to people, especially fellow women, well even if they are older.


Is Amara trying to say it's all as a result of our works? Certainly no; she's only telling you to do your best and leave the rest to God. I acknowledge the fact that so many bad girls are married today and the good girls are waiting. I agree; she was a bad girl, but what if her smile and jovial nature helped? You are a good girl, no doubt, but what about your attitude towards people?

Do the right thing and hold on to God, the right man will come.

Some are John the Baptist, some are the Messiah. Don't hurt for too long when that person leaves; he or she could be John the Baptist sent to prepare the way for your Messiah. You wanted him to stay longer; you wanted her to stay forever. But that person must make way for the Messiah to show up.

So many times, I see people run from pillar to post looking for spiritual solution to their problems, most of which are physical. I agree, to an extent, that the spiritual controls the physical. But we sometimes bring problems upon ourselves only to start bothering God unnecessarily. You eat all the junks and rubbish while ignoring good foods and when problem sets in, you begin to disturb God. You know that certain foods are to be avoided because diabetes runs in your family, but you go on eating without control and when arthritis and diabetes set in, you start running from one prayer contractor to another and swallow the nonsense they tell you about someone dropping something in your compound.

You are in the hospital about to lose your life because your pelvis is small for the baby or the baby is too big and not well positioned. Then your doctor suggests you undergo a Caesarean Section only for you to start binding and casting and calling one illiterate and ignorant person who tells you that is not your portion. A family friend died because his pastor kicked against blood transfusion when doctors saw that at the only way out.
What is wrong in your giving birth through CS?
However God choses to deliver you is supernatural, what matters is that you and your baby are alive and well. God wasn't stupid when He gave science the brain to come up with that intervention.

You do things to make your marriage hit the rocks and then you start running to those who are ever ready with prophecies of you having spiritual husband and wife or someone carrying calabash against you, possibly your step-mother and mother-in-law.

You have suddenly become the man's punching bag and instead of you running to spare your life, some miserable comforters are there asking you to stay and keep praying. God has given you those legs, run and keep praying.

You were busy dressing like his mother, you didn't know that he would get attracted to his secretary? You use demeaning words on her, hit her as often as you like, and talk to her like she's your slave. You listened to your ignorant pastor who told you that wearing those sexy lingerie for your husband initiates you into the marine kingdom.
He loves the woman-on-top position but you chose to listen to false teachers who told you that anything outside the missionary sex position is wrong?

She complained about not getting good sex from you and instead of you finding a way to make it beautiful, you instantly accused her of being a prostitute; you told her that she cannot enjoy you because of the different men she has been with. What you don't know is that women are no longer ignorant of their sexuality and sexual needs; just like you, they want to experience good orgasm.

They tell you to face the spiritual more than the physical and so you foolishly ignore your wife all in the name of vigil and fasting? You go to sit with your "daadyyy" and "muumyyy" from morning to night ignoring your spouse? Get ready for the problems that will come up as a result of your actions.

I remember when that marriage ended and the prayer contractors started flooding my office with prophecies and demonic revelations of someone carrying calabash and having it under bed against me. Thank God for my parents; they raised me with the undiluted word of God in my hands. I told them not to bother praying for me because I asked God for it. One after the other, they left disappointed. If I had listened to all their nonsense, I would probably not be where I am today, inspiring lives and fulfilling purpose because I would be busy chasing people that are not chasing me...LOL . I would be busy binding my neighbours and relatives over nothing. I would be busy binding every innocent rat that jumps into my room. I would be drying up while the devil and his agents flourish. I wouldn't bother about God, worship, and His kingdom because I would be lost binding and casting all the days of my life.

Discover God yourself and stop listening to people who feed and thrive on your ignorance. You are not married and so once they come to you, the first thing they tell you is that you have a spiritual spouse. Once they tell you that you have a spirit husband or wife and you swallow that rubbish, you are finished because imaginary spirit husband or wife will begin to appear to you. And who told them you must be married at a certain age? Sure Pastor Kumuyi's wife who married at 65 was told all sorts by some prayer contractors.

They are ever ready with fake prophecies and vision for you. They would rather find a way to take the little you have away from you instead of helping you to get up.

A lady once told me how her pastor told her to buy everything a woman wears for his wife if she needed deliverance. When this woman came, she wasn't even talking about her own problem but the problem of raising money to buy things for her pastor's wife. Thank God she came in contact with someone like me who won't bait an eyelid in telling the truth. I gave her twenty thousand Naira to go feed her helpless children and never go back to the crook. I know some will be quick to remind me that the widow of Zarephat fed the prophet with her last; I know that already.

Con men and women are thriving in your ignorance. I wish you can see how these guys operate and devise ways to rip you off. I wish you can see them discuss how to share proceeds from their fraud after the acrobatics from the guest speaker. I wish you would see how they strike a deal for the guest preacher to raise five million Naira (in God's name) after which he takes a certain percentage. He must deliver in God's name. I wish you get to realize that some of them, after preaching in your church, never returned because they had issues with your senior pastor over sharing formular or they didn't raise enough to settle their bills.

Don't get me wrong; I have done stupid and unusual things for the kingdom of God. But the way I see it go in Africa, we have lost our brains to religion. Just like the missionaries, the preachers have come to us with the Bible and the Plough. Prayer contractors are thriving and living big, thanks to our stupidity and gullibility.

Young woman stop that seed sowing for husband. God will give you husband when and if He wants to. Everyone must not even be married. Just live and enjoy your beautiful life.
Woman, who told you that you are incomplete without a male child? I hear some speak against IVF and artificial insemination; it would surprise you to note that a good number of those testimonies you hear of God blessing after years of waiting came to be as a result of IVF. But they will not tell you during testimony because some of you will begin to see them as faithless and on their way to hell.

Time is a great healer and it has it's way of taking care of issues. Whatever comes your way, just commit it to God and watch Him direct your path. You need no middle man, except Jesus, to obtain mercy and grace from His throne in your time of need. All things work together for good to anyone that loves God and is called according to his purpose. Learn to wait on God. Allow Him to be God.
Stop helping them to thrive on your ignorance. A good number of today's preachers are not different from our politicians. But a day of reckoning is coming, they won't be spared.
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