VIP Asian Massage
Massage Therapist
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This place has closed. Not true?
1310 W 98th St Minneapolis, MN 55431
1310 West 98th StreetUSMinnesotaMinneapolis55431
(952) 881-3861
Massage Therapist
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Review Summary
4 reviews
"Thank you, VIP Asian Massage!"
"Now she lives in my basement."
"Many Korean women and Pacific Islander children roamed..."
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Zachary Nelson's profile photo
Zachary Nelson
3 years ago
I walked in the door after a balls-to-the-wall day at Erbert and Gerbert's, my place of employment. I had hoped that I would be able to relax and hang loose for an afternoon of titillating massage therapy. I was not disappointed. Immediately after walking in the door, I was greeted by a face similar to Sloth from "The Goonies." She (I assume it was a she) greeted me with a muffled yelp, much like when you step on the paw of a chihuahua. Yes. I was home. The decor was medieval, with a coat of arms taking up 3/4 of the largest wall in the small waiting room. Instead of snakes, lions, or any wussy things like that, this coat of arms had Hello Kitty logos embroidered across the tapestry. I felt like I was taking a trip to neo-Tokyo as I was escorted to my massage room. Many Korean women and Pacific Islander children roamed the halls, bags under their eyes, with skinny frames like they hadn't eaten in weeks. I assumed they wandered these halls endlessly under some kind of curse which prevented them from leaving. At the very least, it kept the atmosphere lighthearted and gentlemanly. When we reached my massage room, my escort, Eiko, told me he would go no further, as dark spirits haunted the area beyond. Clearly Eiko was kind of a douche. I walked in alone and found less of a massage studio and more of a love-dungeon. Chains and shackles were quick to be found, alongside a large St. Andrew's Cross (google it), all of them covered with a nondescript liquid smelling of a sickly sweet odor and which tasted slightly like sweat. The door had swung shut quickly, and I was sure I was to be tamed by Boy George or some similar character. Within two minutes, the door creaked open and I was shocked to see a squinty-eyed child looking back at me. The young girl was probably six or seven, but she had ambition in her eyes. She led me to the St. Andrew's Cross and strapped me in. The next hour was fuzzy for me, but I awoke later in a daze next to Anyosika (which I learned was the seven-year-old's name). We were covered in each other's blood (at the very least), but when she said my name, I knew we were in love after the experience together. I was only sad that we had to part ways. That is... until we reached the front desk again. Once there, Sloth informed me that I was allowed to keep my child. So I did. We got Burger King on the way home. I got chicken fries. Now she lives in my basement. Thank you, VIP Asian Massage!
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James Potter
2 years ago
Chris Herzog
a year ago
The worst massage I've ever had I would never go back or never recommend it to anyone it felt like she spent more time trying to arouse me so she could offer other services not interested
Tom N
4 months ago