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Jeff Fitzgerald
Works at Ride Today Cars
Attended Mars Hill College
Lived in Clifton Forge, VA
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Jeff Fitzgerald

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I thought Mixon was an unbearable prick the first couple of seasons of Barbecue Pitmasters, when it centered around him and Tuffy Stone and a few others going from competition to competition. But since he's moved to judging on the show, he's kind of grown on me. He knows his barbecue, and he communicates that knowledge and love of barbecue as well as anyone. I wish him every success in Gotham. If anyone has the stones to tell Yankees where they can put their blueberry chipotle sauce, it'd be Myron.
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Jeff Fitzgerald

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My collected nonsense on Facebook.
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Jeff Fitzgerald

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As if I didn't already like the kid, here's one more reason. Almost enough to make me a Redskins fan.
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Jeff Fitzgerald

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Because the government has absolutely nothing better to do than worry about cheese.
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Jeff Fitzgerald

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One of the few fabled New York pizzerias I've yet to sample. So, until I do, I will hold to my assertion that New Jersey produces a better pie, on the whole, than the Big Apple.
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Jeff Fitzgerald

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This is me trying to be serious without coming off like a pretentious ass. I almost made it.
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With your passion for your work and your enviable talents, I believe you'll do just fine.
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Jeff Fitzgerald

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Because Korea. Dammit. Janet.
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A moment of silence for one of the few left of a vanishing breed, the whole hog pitmaster. One of the best, I'm told, though I never had the pleasure of sampling his handiwork.
WHOLE HOG (by Joe York, 2006) is a paean to the barbecue pitmasters, hog farmers, and butchers of rural western Tennessee, who everyday transform the lowly hog into the edible embodiment of two of the...
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Jeff Fitzgerald

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So raw, cured meat is fine, but raw milk cheese is not? Seriously, doesn't the government have anything better to do than screw around with my food?
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Some of my latest nonsense from OKRA magazine. Enjoy, dumplings.
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A little something to get your brains working this lovely Friday morning.
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Jeff Fitzgerald

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Why is it that whenever you read an obituary, the person always succumbed after a long and courageous battle with whatever disease? Just once, I'd like to see, "Caught a little cold and went down like a bitch."
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People
Have him in circles
56 people
Fr. Paul Beutell's profile photo
Work
Occupation
Author, raconteur, hillbilly
Employment
  • Ride Today Cars
    Business Manager, 2008 - present
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Previously
Clifton Forge, VA - Roanoke, VA - Richmond, VA - Mars Hill, NC - Christiansburg, VA
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Tagline
The Original Mexican Bob
Introduction

About Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius

Born in 1967 in Paintsville, Kentucky, Jeff was immediately hailed by baby critics as “a bright new star on the newborn infant horizon.” Indeed, he won the Commonwealth's Baby of the Year Award (Non-Inbred Division), despite a relatively late August 24th release.

Moving to the Old Dominion in 1969 to try his hand at their ultra-competitive toddler scene, Jeff proved to be an immediate smash. Virginia Creeper magazine noted the arrival of the “up-and-coming young phenom from the Bluegrass State,” while the Roanoke Times trumpeted “2-for-25 cent Kennyburgers and 49 cent limited edition Richard Petty action tumblers while supplies last” at all Kenny's locations, which was a good deal even then.

Growing up in the flash and bustle of the elite Heights section of metropolitan Clifton Forge, Virginia, Jeff quickly rose through the ranks and by the age of 12 had compiled an enviable 21-0 record (19 by KO) and won titles in both the toddlerweight and snot-nosed kid divisions. Entering Clifton Forge High School in 1980 as an eighth grader, the Mountaineers immediately responded with a 10-0 district championship football season, a state girls basketball title, and the coveted Least Repulsive School Lunch Award from Locker Life magazine. Jeff was obviously a harbinger of good fortune for all those around him, as well.

Adolescence contained most of the same trials and tribulations for Jeff as it does for most teenagers. But suffering the first of several severe knee injuries in 1983 and a season-ending broken heart in 1984 only served to steel his resolve. He responded from these setbacks with a stellar 1985 campaign, winning Punk Teen's Comeback of the Year award and being accepted to Mars Hill College's extremely selective Arrogant Bastard program.

The late eighties and early nineties found Jeff overcoming obstacles that would have doomed most men, such as a mullet and acid-washed jeans. Coming into his own as an adult he set about establishing himself as, if not the voice of his generation, certainly the bass and backing vocals, the Michael Anthony of Generation X.

Reaching his mid-twenties, Jeff finally achieved the long-sought pinnacle of his already-glorious career. On April 9, 1995, Jeff won the title of Genius with a 5th round knockout of Albert Einstein at the Sands in Las Vegas. Critics of the fight point out that Einstein had, in fact, been dead for forty years. Jeff has always maintained that if Big Al hadn't been up for the bout, he should have spoken up during the weigh-in.

Many lesser men would have been content to just sit back and rest on their laurels, taking advantage of all the perks of being a Genius (such as the 10% discount at all Musicland or Sam Goody outlets, and a complementary salad bar with the purchase of any entree at any Ruby Tuesdays), but Jeff had never been one to just sit back and coast. He immersed himself in a rigorous program of self-expansion, fashioning himself into a modern-day Renaissance man complete with a sword and one of those poofy hats they used to wear back then.

Throughout his thirties, Jeff has continued to hone his talents. He has parlayed his considerable knowledge of jazz and film into a presence on the Internet that rivals that of the Free Chili's Gift Card pop-up ad. His intelligent, urbane humor can be found on such award-winning websites as allaboutjazz.com, the213.net, and sluts-up.org. He is also considered to be one of the world's foremost authorities on baseball's balk rule, and was recently named one of the ten cleverest men of his height by Britain's Heads Above magazine.

Jeff has also augmented his status among the electronic intelligentsia by marrying Tara Heberling Fitzgerald, a graduate of the University of Virginia and a genius in her own right. With a combined IQ of over 300 and a total height of 11'3”, the tandem were recently recognized as Couple of the Year by screwingaroundonline.com and honored with the Best Non-Productive Use of Company Time by Soaking the Clock magazine. Tara herself was also named Nerd Queen of the Year by both parentsbasement.org and NerdHerd Quarterly, and received a special Lifetime Achievement in Technophobia award from ludditesonline.net.

Upon the (relatively) amicable dissolution of his marriage, Jeff returned to the Original Geniusdome in Roanoke, VA, where he resides with his parakeet and business manager, Luca Brasi.

Education
  • Mars Hill College
    Music, 1985 - 1986
  • Virginia Commonwealth University
    Music, 1986 - 1986
Basic Information
Gender
Male
Other names
Señor Tornado (Asistencia Asesoría y Administración, Mexican professional wrestling)
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I've lived at Hickory Woods for nine years, and it is home to me. Comfortable, well-maintained, affordable, and convenient to just about everything I need. I'm two minutes from the Incredo-Kroger (the largest Kroger store in the Roanoke Valley), and within ten minutes of a wide range of excellent dining and shopping options. Even with so convenient a location, Hickory Woods is quiet and neighborly, and the best apartment value in the area in my opinion. I can't imagine living anywhere else, and I'm a pretty imaginative individual. If you're looking for a place to call home, that doesn't require you having to mow the lawn or clean the gutters, do yourself a favor and check out Hickory Woods.
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Public - 8 months ago
reviewed 8 months ago
1 review
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