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Mani Saint-Victor
Physician, Author of Thinking About Quitting Medicine
Physician, Author of Thinking About Quitting Medicine


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The first thing a person asks themselves when they meet you is "do I like this person?"

Nobody goes out of their way to add a piping hot fresh new asshole into their lives. Well, actually I take that back. Some of us continue to reenact past relationship injuries and wounds by seeking out the comfort of the familiar.

We prefer the certain pain to the uncertain unknown.

Hurt in the past, we seek out more of the same. Often we impose our past pain on those we attract into our lives as imposed projections, micro-aggressions, passive aggression, displaced aggression, withheld affection.

Breathe deep. Buckle up. This can go deeper.

Put down the asshole and wash your hands. I saw you sniff it too. Real close. Please brush the crumbs off your lip.

If you don't like someone on contact don't keep subjecting yourself to their presence in the hopes that they will change.

That's you I just described above. Flip the lens. We play the victim and the villain to ourselves in the same moment.

Asshole and sniffer.

Shit crumb on upper lip licker.

You didn't think I saw you do that?

Or you thought I was just going to let that. Slide.

I was at first but then I noticed it melting on your tongue and started imagining it as this beige breath-cloud emanating from around your face.

I'm bubbling a batch of hot vomit just watching you walk closer to me.

Fuck it. I'll just shoot you a text. 😷

Hashtag. Brown noser. Yeah. Literally.

Why on Earth are you still reading this?

Welcome to Asylum. I play for keeps.


In any given moment you can shift more and more of your energy into being your authentic self. Instead of victim or villain inner conflict you may find that you can approach yourself with a sense of wonder and curiosity.

Deep inside, you're beautiful. Creative, expansive, expressive, ambitious.

I see that magic in you.

First you have to put down the negative self talk. Silence the inner critic in you.

Answer "yes" to the question of you liking you.

Slow down to romance you.

Explore and ponder you.


You. Meet you.

Dat mirror talk.

First question. Feel the answer.

Close your eyes and fresh look open them.

First impression. First question. One answer. Yes or no.

When you open your eyes first thing in the morning hit the mirror first contact ask yourself "do I like you?"

Dr. Mani Saint-Victor, M.D. - The Dropout Doctor


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My pain, my pulse, my passion, my private paradise. My heart. My beat. My blood my breath. I pump it exhale it within these words my wounds. I bleed for you.


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What is it you meant to do?

Transitioning successfully from what we mean to do to what we actually get done requires the bridging of some pretty deep gaps. #thesnipermind

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As part of my social media detox I've been tuning in to my reactions to the structures I've set up for myself. Having removed all general social media apps from my phone except the direct page management for my business I feel freer mostly.

I have a quieter mental space.

Since I made it harder for myself to drop random ideas into social media I channel that expressive energy until it becomes a deeper, more meaningful manifestation driven by that urge and a few more.

Real talk tho. At the time when I come up with a shorter, more playful, and hopefully deliciously disturbing combination of words I wanna air them shits out!

It irks me fantastic when I reach for my phone to wax spontaneous and I have no fb, no IG, no Twitter, no Google Plus. Just a what's app lifeline to my inner circle who I know I have talked to death. I love my Harvard 95 fam!

So I then focus my energy on something outside of my phone. I'm doing more Notebook writing lately, with multicolor pens. Not like that 4 color pen from med school. I have individual pens for each color. Still gagging from that medschool pen flashback. Aaaaack!

So pens and notebook, melting into this couch I capture ideas that come to me as images and emotions, real visceral shit. I may need crayons soon. Or bigger boards and magic markers. I feel more alive when I'm moving.

In med school I used to lock myself in a room of whiteboards at the school of public health and go from board to board pouring out these models as soon as I could get them in and understood.

So I guess my expression then was in primary color markers.

Same thing in software. We wrote ideas on boards and thought through problem models turning them into processes.

Less words. More simple expressive drawings and symbols with meanings of processes.

The decade plus I spent in high stakes software, usually virtual world's, video games, and slot machines using pretty pictures and startling sounds to move your money out of your wallet and into our casinos the words and pictures came to symbolize money, movement, and action to me.

When I disconnect to reconnect to paper and pen, long after I have forgotten the dings and pings of FB and the interrupted spurts of browser reading, I remember and I reconnect to that.

Send me a private message when it's time to create your own asylum.

You'll know. I'll wait.



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Learning and Unlearning Fear: The Two Faces of Noradrenaline

Emotional learning can create strong memories and powerful emotional responses, but flexible behavior demands that these responses be inhibited when they are no longer appropriate. Scientists at the RIKEN Brain Science Institute in Japan have discovered that emotional and flexible learning rely on an important division of labor in the brain.

The research is in Nature Neuroscience. (full access paywall)

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The darkest of hells is the one you inflict on yourself at the edge of your comfort zone. You've heard all the "do it afraid" jabber and sure as f@€k ...there you are face to face with your biggest fear and ... silence.

Not a wisp of wisdom. The only sound for miles is of your sweet cheeks rustling against the inside of your pants as you superclench dat ass. A fart sneaks bubbling out and rounds the the top of your cheek. You feel the broken winds waft up the back back of the inside of your shirt.

Great job on that tuck by the way. Not a warm whisper wafted out at that junction.😉 Meticulous af. Your bed is made sharp as hell e'ry morning. Ain't it.

Meanwhile, face to face with your biggest fear.

You're leaking air, fam! You bout to had sh@t your pants.

I know you smell it by now. I saw your nose scrunch after you sneak sniff puckered. Stings the eyes right? That's you.

At the edge of your consciousness, dragon's breath blowing in your face and being literal about everything from "scared shitless" to "scared the shit outta me" to "I shit my pants".

Dat involuntary reaction.


The next thing your brain does is pretty autopilot too!

In the arena for your last fight you get insta angry!

The fear allows you to enter the innermost cave, to face the demons.

But you'll only grow from the journey,one which is almost always amplified in your mind, when you stay present and connected. Measuring and adjusting to what is here in the moment.

Noticing that there is as much promise and possibility in the moment beyond the rage as there is threat and danger.

You achieve this transition and gain the stress decrease benefits, plus get to enjoy the more beautiful moments in your life in their full vividness by noticing the fear. Labeling the fear. Noticing if it transitions to sadness, a sense of loss, a regret.

It's in deciding to stay within the push and pull of the storm within knowing that the majority of it is imagined that empowers us to reach within the perception and see our fear projected. Be in the projection to turn down the noise within. To experience what is there for what it truly is and to adjust your beliefs to adapt and thrive.

From there you will feel less afraid.

And you will have grown courage within the circumstance that spreads to courage within your character.

You will have truly done it afraid.

The anger, the worry, the fear, the shame, the guilt are all layers of past wounds keeping you trapped in darker yesterdays feeling like a lesser you. Forgiving, starting with yourself, in the moment of pure fear, when the anger comes roaring in looking for a person to blame, is the first step to even remembering what "it" is. So you can do it. Less afraid.

When you're ready to do the work to start living fully and unafraid send me a private message.

Discover how much more amazing you can be with Mindset Coaching.

Imagine how much more fun it will be Asylum style.

Dr. Mani Saint-Victor, M.D. - The Dropout Doctor


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Truth hurts.

"If you wait for inspiration to write you're not a writer, not a writer, you are a waiter."

via Fb ( :)

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Thanks for this meta-clarifying lens.
The Never-Ending Cycle of Data

In each book I write and each article I bring out every day I have distilled a massive amount of data to pick out specific strands that are relevant to you. And each of these, in turn, becomes data in its own right fed right back into the 'stream'. #fascinating

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"When you're not aligned with your core values you're not signaling authentically to project your own brand. You don't create unique value that attracts people to your message. You ARE a consumer of brands in search of symbolic self completion instead of a creator of meaning who helps others wake up to their own intrinsic value within the collective consciousness.

This is the materialism/empathy divide. In neuroscience speak that's destination addiction, lack of presence, sign-tracking vs goal tracking, not being the author of your own journey.

You are Here.

You are...NOW.

Denying this is the loud cry of your ego avoiding the disidentification that would set you free from the illusion of separateness keeping you from connecting and thriving.

Preventing this are the guilt and shame stifling the expression of your true gifts and talents that have been with you from birth yet increasingly silenced by the constraints of society.

Ha! It's 4:15AM. I bet you thought this thought was headed somewhere deep and meaningful.

Silly humans and your expectations. I'm sleepwriting again.

Back to sleep I go." --Mani Saint-Victor, M.D. - The Dropout Doctor


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Even after declarations of zones of incompetence people will continue to ask you to do shit you explicitly told them from jump you don't do.

Do it one time for em balls out style. Go commando all out Geronimo.

And when you flagrantly f*ck it up don't blink, don't break eye contact, don't even breathe funny.

Don't bother with the theatrics of pretending to be surprised.

That muddles the signal.

You want them to be fully present to this live reminder that you already declared this as a zone of incompetence.

They gone need more reminders.

F*ck up flagrantly then and there and each other time until the full weight of the futility of asking you to perform the given task weighs thick and heavy with a musty scent of "don't even bother".

Meanwhile be guilt free with your clumsy shit. Flagrant Eff'em while you learn and grow from the experience with a clear conscience and consciousness. Give it your best shot but slide-trombone blow their imposed expectations and implicit boundary violation and need & capabilities expression ignoration(in this dancerie, Mary J. Blige) out of their surprise/startle puckered O-ring. No blink, no pause.

Let each moment of uncertainty be an opportunity for deeper delves into self discovery. Be curious. Optimistic. Eager. Receptive.

Just let the negativity go.

No matter how low you feel now or anticlimactic the highs turned out to be as your palate matured there's no reason at any moment to choose to feel bad.

Imagine yourself here and now but better and brighter. More rested and more confident with a sense of certainty around each decision.

I mean the universe is calling you hot audibles.

Imagine yourself at peace.

Imagine yourself in Asylum.

Imagine Asylum in you.

Follow me at Mani Saint-Victor, M.D. - The Dropout Doctor for the next audio episode of Dr. Mani's Asylum.

If you wanna dig up old episodes of Asylum then follow the #AsylumAwaits hashtag. There's a bunch and they go into deep ideas and also reckless silliness at times.
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