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Yeah...we're in the wrong business ;-).
One of my favorites that I ever read was a review for a product that was essentially a basket made of rubber bungee material. The intention is that you take your CD drive (mind you they buy them for over a grand without a DAC in them) and suspend it in the basket and it made the sound "so much sweeter". Piles of reviews for this rubber bungee basket that was selling for hundreds.
cough, monster cable, cough cough...
I'd love to meet their copywriter!

"Tonally, the Reference has been described as delivering real "fulsome" neutrality, not the sterile analytical sound that so often characterizes lesser cables. So benign and hard to identify is the tonal character of the Reference as to be compared to the taste of water, which of course is tasteless."

"With the The Essence Reference-II power cord, your system's noise floor will disappear into oblivion. Cryogenic processing renders the Reference-II absolutely grainless. Close your eyes and it's not hard to imagine yourself at the original recording venue!"

ooh, so that's what you meant, hehe. I didnt get it the first time around ^_^
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