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Sophie BenShitta Maven
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True Empath: It's a curse for me and it's a blessing for others
True Empath: It's a curse for me and it's a blessing for others

459 followers
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Sophie's posts

When you find something good, then hold onto it, make it your permanent tool or partner.

How do you know if what you have found is a good thing?

This can be in any area of life, health, wealth, love, and fulfillment.

Here is how you know that something was a good purchase, a good bet?

A good thing keeps on giving.
A good thing doesn't just give you one time, or for a little bit of time. It keeps on giving and giving, maybe even indefinitely.

In another word: what is good is useful. Long term. Keeps on giving to you.

When I came to the United States, I had nothing. I mean I had some summer clothes, but it was late fall... and winter came early.
I had nothing. But then I rented a room in a rooming house, and there was a kitchen there. I bought a set of kitchen knives... This was in 1985. Since then I bought tens of new knives, but I am still only using the ones I bought in 1985.
Why those? Because they are real steel. I can sharpen them. They are old style knives made for cutting. My way.
I have done programs. Some were trying to tell me what I needed to know. I didn't find them useful. I stuck with Landmark because Landmark showed me how to look with different eyes. I had control, like I have with the knives. I can decide how to and what to... Landmark is a tool. A good tool.
I went to architecture school where we were told that the only useful thing we'd learn there is to where to look, how to look and how to think. It was a good tool. I am not practicing architecture, but I learned an awful lot about how to see things, how to find things, how to think.
Everyone can learn to look and everyone can learn to think. It requires no talent, it requires no special high IQ. It requires practice. (Growth mindset anyone?)
I was fortunate, because it seems that the people who I write for, the people I am attempting to guide to a life worth living don't know what to do with the guidance I give them: they never learned to look... How do I know? For example, when I set up a community project to help you help yourself, help yourself to pick out pictures of different "fields" of communication, you do nothing. Except one person... who I hail as a hero.

You need to learn to look and see. See patterns, see commonalities, see distinctions.
She, the exception, grasped the essence of troubled sibling relationships... the pictures are hilarious, very funny, very real. they are in her comment...

The art to growing is seeing. The art of seeing is through being shown diverse and different patterns, principles, filters, distinctions. The more you see the more astute you become. Astute is what is measured in the vocabulary... in the Starting Point Measurements.
This is how the 67 steps has been for me.
The 67 steps has been a vehicle that takes me to see stuff a "normal" life doesn't give opportunities to see. I know, I am beating this poor 67 steps to death... you want to throw up, but hold it for a second longer. Because this article isn't about the 67 steps, it is about how to remain the kind of person who can harvest and harvest and harvest... once they found the good thing.

So the 67 steps doesn't teach anything. Not a thing. No knowledge there... Instead it teaches you to look, and it takes you on regularly scheduled trips to places you would never have a chance to travel to while you are living the life you live.

I bought my 67 steps in February of last year, and I knew it was a good choice after about 3 days. But how good: that I didn't know.

I started doing the program, listening to the next step, and attempting to answer the questions about my own life. Answering the questions is what I call "mapping it onto your own life". I have been doing an average of five steps a week, sometimes more, never less. Answering has been hard for me.

I listen to the steps, in order, undistracted, and ponder the step for a day. I see it in my life, I see it in my students' lives.  I see how relevant the point it makes. I write something that is related, either publicly or privately. Meaning: I digest, and implement, I am co-creative in my relationship to the steps.

One full cycle of steps, for me, is 14-15 weeks, which means I get back to the same lesson only every 3-4 months... But I do get back... thank heavens.

Why thank heavens? Because the only failed experiment is an experiment run too long... past the time when it's obvious that it is not working.

This step wasn't even about experiments... but, of course, everything is about experiments.
The step was about mastering the wrong thing... mastering a method that doesn't take you in your desired direction.
I run many experiments concurrently, but each experiment is observed separately.

I have been paying attention that my skin tone, my muscle tone, my energy level are not what they were 2-3 months ago. Also I am not regular.

I am doing seven times more exercising... so what's up?
So I turn to muscle testing. I am looking what changes I have made in the past 2-3 months...
By the way, if you didn't learn muscle testing from me, you are dumb... sorry to be so blunt, but you are. Muscle testing, done the right way, on the right things, is a gift from Life... priceless. And whenever you do a recorded course on my site, the support from me is as if it were a live course... I want you to get all you can from my programs.

OK, I digress... I zeroed in on eating plant food.

It seems that plant food is not working well with my body. This says nothing about YOUR body, by the way. You may do well with plant food... but I was a preemie, I have had a problem with my digestion since birth, so it is personal.

But I noticed, about two weeks ago, but didn't even think of analyzing it and changing strategy: ending the experiment.

Thank god for the 67 steps, I caught myself before I ran myself to the ground... literally... lol. Next experiment: reduce vegetables in my diet.
So, what should you take home from my story?
Two things:

1. Pay attention if a program will keep on giving... or if it is a one shot deal. For example switching from the fixed mindset to the growth mindset is something that WILL keep on giving... no matter on what level you'll find yourself. Or muscle testing. Or my remedies. Or the Water Energizer. Or the exact diet your body can use to be well. Or creating your Self...
2. here is where awareness pays the most dividends: where you don't continue doing something just because you started, just because you know how to do it. You learn to say good bye... So you can keep on growing. Meaning: stop unproductive experiments... Stop repeating the same thing over and over, expecting different results.

 

Stop any relationship where you have to choose between the relationship or growing: it is a death sentence to your growth.
Any activity that stands between you and growing... ditto.
Any overfocusing on some result. Focus on the process... growth is process. Life is process. Results don't matter much.

If you don't consider your number one criteria for life to grow yourself and your abilities, you have chosen dying...

I don't care if you have, but you want to know...

Oh, here is the link to buy the muscle testing course. No refunds, so if you are not sure, don't buy.

... or check out the sales letter for the muscle testing course here

The muscle testing course is a useful tool that will give and give and give, till you die

Read the original article: A good tool keeps on giving, and giving, and giving

In 1975, somewhere early spring, I was hugging my soon to be ex boy friend as hard as I could. He packed his car and was moving back to his parents.

I was sobbing. I told him I loved him.

When his car disappeared around the curve, I wiped my tears and sighed a sigh of freedom.

I asked him to leave. And I cried.

I didn't make sense to myself, but often you don't, and you shouldn't.
Making sense means: your past is defining your future.
Loving someone doesn't mean that staying with them is the best path for you.

You might be like me, your path will be long and arduous.

I had to go deeper, I had to go lower, I had to lose a lot more than just the security of a loving relationship, for me to find my own path.

You cannot do it while trying to match steps with another human... maybe even if that other human is your parent, or your child.

You need to feel that you are ruining only your life, because the path to your own path is riddled with places where it feels like you need to die. The abyss.

The higher you aim the more abyss you need to risk falling into.

Most of you don't have to worry: you have set your eyes on the second floor... not the stars. Not many abysses on your way to the second floor, even if you are starting in the basement.

I am OK with that, it is your life. Who am I to tell you what to be up to?

My job is to help you maneuver to where YOU want to go.

I am here to show you that you can aim higher, but not to push you to aim higher.

Read the original article: When you have to move on...

What do your passwords say about you?

I get to see your password, at least when you sign up. Otherwise they are encrypted, so I can't read them.

Most of you could be "diagnosed" from your password on my site. You don't even need my Starting Point Measurements.

Why? How? WTF?

The internet is full of hackers, and they use machines to do their dirty job... so those machines, millions of them, are running 24/7.

You need to protect yourself, your valuable information, your reputation.

So they recommend that you make hard to guess passwords on sites that contain information that you better protect of kiss your money or reputation good bye.


So if you have a website... your website login cracked: they can turn it into a spyware or virus distribution machine.
If you have a yahoo or gmail account and your login is cracked: they can send millions of emails with virus attachment to your friends and others.
If you have an online bank account: they can spend your money.

But if they crack your login on my sites, the worst that can happen is they can download your purchases... good for them.

So when you have a hard to guess complicated password you can't remember... the it is as you are using Fort Knox to keep your underwear safe...

It shows that you are not looking before you leap.
It shows that you don't read just assume
It shows that you can't tell one thing from another, that you can't tell important from irrelevant

Which almost instantly suggest that your health is in the dumps, that your vibration is low, that you have barely any practices in life that would force you to grow.

Wake up! You are making life too complicated!

Start asking the question: what is important to protect, what is important to keep safe?

Most things you hold onto are not important to protect, not important even to keep.

Asking this question may take you on the path of simplifying your life... And that would be a really good thing.

Read the original article: Your password... how it tells me a lot about you

Or here is another question for you: Who are you?

If you asked back: What do you mean? you did the smart thing. Because the question: who are you? can be asked from so many vantage points, we can spend hours exploring that.

This is one of the things you learn to do when you are in my coaching program, Reclaim.

In that program I use Tai Lopez audios, 67 audios, 67 steps, about 100 different ways to ask a question, to look at life, including your life.

I don't like Tai Lopez, but I like what his program is doing to my life, and what it is doing to my clients' lives.

I don't like a lot of people. Why? Maybe a better question would be: What do you like? Who do you like, Sophie.


You see, that questioning again. All thinking, real thinking, is questions based.

Without questions you have no clarity. You are walking through life like a simpleton who doesn't even consider that there are choices. (I measure this in the Starting Point Measurements, the last measure, #10 is about that.)

This doesn't mean you are stuck at being a simpleton, you can learn to ask questions...

So let's return to "who does Sophie like?" question.

I don't know... but I am sure that I like my stuffed tiger when it looks at me, like a puppy... I like that dynamic: the baby looking at mommy who is all powerful. Sweet.

I like my brother when he spends time talking to me. I like my friend who makes sure we talk once a month. I like my clients when they do well.

Hm... very interesting. It seems that all my likings are about me feeling better about myself. Hm... we are onto something.

But what about love? Who does Sophie love?

Sounds simple, but it isn't. Because unless you define "loving" you don't know what the heck you are talking about, do you?

And you probably live your life thinking that words mean the same to everyone, and that you are communicating. So far from the truth, you could be speaking two different languages!

What you mean by love is what you mean when you say: I love ice cream! !!! you really love ice cream.
I honestly hope I will never be like that!

What I mean by love, loving, is that I want for you what is best for you, even if it is not the best for me.

So if I love you and you want to leave me because that is what is best for you, my love is fully expressed in letting you leave.

How much of that do you see? If you say: not much, you are right. There is hardly any of it around, I think I experienced it a grand total of one time in my life. Not from anyone who was "supposed to" love me, by the way.

By the way, you can find out everything about a culture by observing what they mean by love.

Do they stone the woman they love? Do they sell their daughters they love? Do they force their daughters to marry at age six to men older than you? do they cut out the clitoris of the woman they love? Do they shower praise on their sons so they are wretched for the rest of their lives?

Do that. Very educational. Changes your world view.

OK, back to: who does Sophie love?

I love my clients and I love my students. I love them even when I don't like them, which is most of the time.

Is it hard, Sophie? To love someone when you don't like them? Yes. I think that is the hardest spiritual hurdle anyone has to overcome and master if one wants to raise their vibration, if one wants to become an expanding human being.

And this takes us back to the first question: Who are you?

You could say your name, your ethnicity, where you live, your education, your position, your role, but I would not know anything about you at the end of your answer. Because all of those are on the periphery of you... the you I am asking about is inside. All inside.

Even your laziness is outside. Even your belligerence is outside. Your hate... your dislike... your argumentative nature...

Who you are is the permanent part of you. And you are not lazy all the time... not at all. you are not belligerent, you don't hate, dislike or argue all the time.

So my question isn't answered by your laundry list of faults, weaknesses, or foibles either. Neither it is answered by your virtues... because they are impermanent as well.

Your laundry list answers a different question: Who are you that you are?

The inside, the real inside is WORD... The kind of word that creates. Creates you.

Who I am is that I am not going to be anything less than magnificent.

Does this mean that when you observe me you'll see magnificent actions all the time? I mean being magnificent as i drink my tea, or pee, or moan as I climb the stairs?

No. And yet, that is who I am. That hell or high water, I am never going to be anything less than magnificent.

Whatever that means...

It is not a mind thing, the mind is too small to wrap itself around the Self. It is as if you asked a beggar to define billionaire... no equipment there to grasp billionaire from there.

Even millionaire is a big big big challenge, because other than the number of zeros, nothing else is visible from the level of pauper.

Same is with mind and Self.

And yet both are real... and Self is real.

It is WORD. Word that creates. For eternity. Permanently. No matter what else changes, the WORD never changes.

Only certain words can create. In Kabbalah they call them the names of god... names of The Creator.

And they are. Create. Create you.

.

.

PS: As long as you confuse like and love... as long as you want to have a tight grip over who or what you love, you'll remain wretched.

Going from where you are and loving yourself, for example, there is a long way. UP.

The Unconditional Love Activator, coupled with the ability to tell the difference between like and love, used over time, possibly many months, regularly, can take you to a place where you can love yourself.

Your list of foibles may not change. What changes is YOU. And your ability to love, even when you don't like yourself.




Read the original article: Who do you like? Who do you love?

Life, and all its conversations happen in different fields of relationships.

Father/child, mother/child, playmate/sibling, admirer/admired and the all elusive partnership.

Here are a few pictures to get you started.

The assignment is to gather funny memes to illustrate the different fields. Please send them to me... although if you can post a link to them in the comments that would be even better. Go for it. It's fun and very enlightening.

Here are a few I just collected in five minutes.










 

Read the original article: Let's do a community project!

In this article I am writing about a little known aspect of life... I couldn't even find pictures for it... Using a gardening analogy, what kind of soil are you? A seed that would grow best in acidic soil gets stunted or killed in alkaline soil.  A seed that grows best in a loamy loose soil will suffocate in a dense soil with a lot of clay in it. Other soils will rot every seed you put in them...
You are that soil to any input. The seeds either grow in you and become full grown plants or die...
In this article I attempt to teach you that you can manage what kind of soil you are...
The path to overconfidence, often, is just some words you said or wrote... like it happened to me today.

Overconfidence makes you make mistakes that are often tragic.

I wrote that article on fear, and I was sharing my success in raising my TLB. I was speaking from the growth mindset but I was listening with the fixed mindset. That I have made it almost to the top... Luckily "life" made me snap out of the fixed mindset, and had to pay only a relatively low price for the indulgence... just a pair of pants got ruined.

You see, every time I hear myself say something good about myself I run the chance to listen to it with the fixed mindset... Just watch the language and you will be able to hear whether someone speaks in the fixed mindset or in the growth mindset. And how it lands... whether you listen in fixed mindset will be up to you.

This is a lot like how affirmations trip people. An affirmation needs to be worded as if it is already true. Let's say the affirmation is: "I am already on my way to becoming wealthy" You say it, and you can hear the mind saying: You? Who are you kidding? or something to that effect.

You can see in this example that the "you" speaking is is not the same as the "you" listening. One speaks from the desire to make the affirmation true, the other listens from intending to fail it. Why? Because the second you wants you to stay the same. The second you is the Opponent.

In the article I wrote about what it took to get to where I am... definitely not fixed mindset! But the second "you" heard it with the fixed mindset, where I am something special... So you see, on any level of vibration it is possible to listen with the fixed mindset, no matter where the speaking came from.

Anyway, I heard that I was fabulous, couldn't lose, a genius... My immediate wake-up call indicated to me that that is what I heard.

I dropped my fried eggs first on my pants, and then on the floor... Some genius... eh? lol

There goes my superiority... good riddance.

This incident was a great example (ugh) for the two yous working at cross purposes, two trains passing each other in the night: the intended meaning spoken (here written) and the heard meaning.

Is it that what was spoken was wrong, or wrongly said?
Is it that the listener lacks the knowledge, the thinking ability?
Is it that the ego, the Opponent, has too much investment in keeping you the same?

In this article I am most interested in going under the hood, and look there... After all, all my work, everything, is about what happens under the hood, hidden from plain view.
Really.

82% of the readers of this site don't know that or don't know what it means. That is unfortunate, but what about the remaining 18%?

The 82% are mostly the ones who send me disparaging comments and emails and energy attacks, attachments, etc....
18% are here to learn how to think, learn how to see, learn how to listen and speak, learn to live a life worth living.
This phenomenon, that you can hear what you say differently from how you meant it, or that you can hear differently what someone else says from how they meant it is what this article is about.

OK, speaker and listener...

I once learned a useful series of questions to ask: Who is speaking? Who is listening? What is speaking? What is listening?

I won't even try to teach it to you. In order to have it be useful you have to at least have a glimpse of who you are being... that is the who that is either speaking or listening. The what is easy... but not enough.

It is easier to explain those questions if I set the field, the context inside which the communication takes place. Let's say: I set the field to father-child. The conversation between father and child, a professor and a student, an authority figure and you.

You can see that you can be, in that field: the father, the child, or refuse to be either. Just imagine being there.

If you look at the role, the father or the role,  the child, you are a what... a role... but you need to be credible.

The who you are is invisible to you, but it is there, nevertheless, operating under the hood. And the who you are is calling the shot.

[caption id="attachment_34929" align="alignleft" width="300"] Lamella form in soils as clay is translocated downward through sandy soils.[/caption]
The hater
A person who argues with everything I say, laugh really loudly when I tell the truth about some nasty habits of mine, is probably a person who contest my knowledge, or my right to be father. Hater. Whether I earned it to be hated or not, who knows.

Whether the hater knows that they are being a hater or not is very important. In the four questions, the who they are that are listen (who is listening) is a hater. The what is listening is a student. But the who is the one who defines the end result... and the person can't learn anything. The who needs to be made right.

Maybe they want to be the father. Maybe they want to be the ones with the knowledge, and the wisdom, they want what I have, without paying the piper. Maybe they are deeply resentful that I can and they can't... The motivation for hating: envy.

And they can't hear anything other than that noise... because they are saying in their head... she is wrong.

And then there are the people who don't want to be dominated and the who says, in their head: lalalalala... to drown out what I have to say.

My default "who" is this: I know and you don't: let me I tell you. And factually it is often true, but it's condescending... proving my "superiority" in the fixed mindset. And the inferiority of the other person, also in the fixed mindset.
It is always the listener's who that defines the conversation. Said in another way: the power of the speaking comes from the listener. The listener's who.
I've hoped that working on the "who is speaking", the superiority is gone, and the new "who is speaking" I can be there for the listener as someone who really speaks to make them person more, to give them what they want.
But, alas, the power resides with the listener, with the soil.
The past may get into your eyes... truth you got from your parents. Stuff you decided when you were a child. How your father treated you... and now you listen me the same way.

Oftentimes you need to learn to clear your listening so you can hear what is there.

This is what we often call the familiarity that breeds contempt. Your friends, members of your family become fixed, and you already know what they are, who they are, and you despise them... or maybe even hate them. You can only hear what's wrong with them, or what is proof that there is a lot wrong with them.
And they listen you the same way. From the past.
Or you meet someone and they have red hair. Or they are dressed sloppily. You ALREADY know they can't say anything useful... You give that THAT listening. The who is listening is "You cannot possibly have anything useful to say. You are not like me. You have a different religion, a different skin color, a different style than what I consider respectable... So I may pretend I am listening, but I am really not.

If that is the "who is listening" that bring yourself when you are on this site, I can't say anything useful... can I? It's OK. Really. I am not here to change you.

What I really want to talk about, and who I really want to talk to are the people who are here to learn, and there is, often, something in the way.

I am now talking to the people where "who is listening" is "I really want to learn so I can become all I can be".

One of the "something in the way" of them learning from me is that they hear me with the fixed mindset...  I spoke from the growth mindset, and the echo, the fixed mindset in the listening hears that I have made it but they can't, because they are slow, lazy, stupid, or don't like math, don't like reading, etc. Or don't have the time. Or don't have the energy... Every time there is an excuse why you can't... you are in the fixed mindset, that says that you can't become more, better, different, through practice and learning.

The fixed mindset is a Tree of Knowledge way of being in the world. And it is promoted from every angle, on every social site, because misery loves company.

If you are one of the 18% who want to learn... read the Mindset book. We are still running the risk that you are going to read it from the fixed mindset... If you are one of the rare ones who are here to learn. And grow. And become an Expanding Human Being... Maybe a conversation can unstuck you from the fixed mindset.

Ask yourself: who is listening? Who is listening that I am not changing? Who is listening that I am unwilling or unable to move towards my dreams? Who is listening that fear is winning, that laziness is winning, that I am still only talking but not moving?

Read the original article: Who is listening? Who is listening that you are unwilling or unable to move towards your dreams?

Alexander the Great supposedly said:
Through every generation of the human race there has been a constant war, a war with fear. Those who have the courage to conquer it are made free and those who are conquered by it are made to suffer until they have the courage to defeat it, or death takes them.
Now, looking at it from the viewpoint of the fixed mindset versus the growth mindset you can see that the fixed mindset provides a barrier that promises you to keep you safe.

In the fixed mindset nothing is supposed to change: if you are great you'll be celebrated, if you are stupid... well, the stupid should die... this was MY life principle for many decades... even if the stupid was me.

But the problem with this mindset is that this mindset isn't in harmony with how the world is, how life is.

People can and do change, change, in fact, everything about themselves. The brain is plastic, and people who were born blind can see through their arm pit, their chest... or with their hearing as the Marvel comic shows.

You can get smarter, but you can also get dumber, and people do. Do get dumber... in the fixed mindset you will get dumber.

But what about fear? Well, life doesn't care what is your mindset, it only "cares" if you are a match to life, if you are a match to what is confronting you.

In the fixed mindset you are always on the defensive. Retreating. Losing on every front. Even if you manage to marry well, inherit, surround yourself with yes-sayers, you live in a world of impending doom.

Fear is normal. And yet, if I look from yet another vantage point, the soul correction, I see that every soul correction is about fear. How you behave in the face of your fear.

I look fearless to most people, but I know fear, and I have strategies to deal with fear.

One strategy, the key to my raising my vibration, the key to raise my TLB score is something I learned in a Landmark Seminar: creativity: living at risk.

The sentence I learned to obey is this:

Move towards the fear, call it excitement.

Now, I have never managed to call fear excitement. But I have managed move towards the fear and beyond. And I have found that where that leads me is surprising results, surprising successes.

The other strategy I have to deal with fear is the opposite: move away from fear. Quitting, not doing what there is to do, waiting for the fear to subside.

I know you don't know about those... but I have that about 20% of the time.

One of my areas of development is to strategically reduce that number. Slowly, gradually, not expecting miracles.

It is a lot like learning to do the split: the ligaments and the joints need to learn to flex.

There is no safety in the world. There is no certainty, there is no sure thing.

Safety is a myth. Having arrived is a myth.

Most human inventions, most human institutions are to strengthen this myth of safety and certainty.

Just ask people whose spouse have left them if there is any safety and certainty in marriage.
Just ask people who were laid off... if there is any safety and certainty in working at a job; any job.

The reason for thriving of the species with the most willingness and ability to adapt to changing environment, inner or outer, is that species that are unwilling or unable to adapt die off...

Humanity is heading in that direction.

There is a quote I really like: if you are faithful with a little, you'll be faithful with a lot
"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.
The way to grow is to be faithful with a very little... and be that consistently.
If You Want More, You Must be Faithful in Little
Many are on a career path, but few seem to be on a character path. All too frequently who we are is discarded upon the altar of ambition.
So how do I do it?

I have a whole list of "little" practices I have, where the natural inclination, including fear, is the only enemy.

In eating. In sleeping. In exercise. In brain development. In business development.

How many, you ask? Tens. I have been doing this for a long time.

In 2011 my fear won 40% of the time. In 2000 my fear won 50% of the time. In 1987 my fear won 70% of the time. Today my fear wins only 20% of the time. You see the gradual improvement between me and the fear... I am winning more of the time.

The secret was the tiny but regular practices.

Deliberate practices. Deliberate has two components: conscious and the exactness of the move I practice. I don't TRY to do things differently... it is not exact. I am attempting, each time, to do a certain thing in a certain exact way.

Turn away, let go, move towards the fear, say "it ain't necessarily so", say "there is nothing wrong here. not with me, not with them, not with it", say "there is never any hurry in the creative field", look around and increase your cone of vision, slow down, etc.

I told you it is tens of practices.

They are like elements that spin the plates, the many plates I spin.

Some practices are new, based on the insights I get working with you, the 67 steps, and reading books, and putting myself in new situations. Insights on what is in the way, what is keeping me stuck, what is making me do stupid things.

I call those insights "upsights" because I turn them into practices.

Some upsights turn out to be not so valuable. Some upsights turn out to be actually not true.

I observe them. I consider all my practices experiments.

The only failed experiment is an experiment ran too long... When you decide that that is the truth... without looking at the results.

I don't make this mistake any more... I have increased my awareness so this mistake isn't happening any more.

Little by little.

You can do it too. And between you and me, the more practices I have, with full awareness, the more enjoyable life becomes.

My life is not busy, far from it.

Busy is a term from the competitive field. It has the stench of hurry.

I am NEVER in a hurry. I do one thing at a time. I have time for everything. Because most of the experiments are done while I am doing something... write an article, read something, learn something, walk, listen to something, etc.

The practices, 90% of them are of a "how" nature, not a what.

The focus on "What" is the source of hurry, the focus on "what" is the source of pressure. The focus on "What" is the source of people waiting for the weekend, or what more money!

But life and what is pleasant in life is all caused by the focus on "how".

Including money. Including "love". Including "success".

You mess up the how, and all the joy is gone.

Practice "how" and watch your life turn around.

Read the original article: But what about fear? What shall I do if I am afraid?

Soul Correction: Finish What You Start

New insight 5/20/2017 courtesy of a student:
Ok.
Today some new things came to mind..
I realized that i live in a vise like pressure i put myself in.. i always do for some reason.. i'm looking at why. i feel its false adopted beliefs.

How i noticed is that thinking about all the reading and the diet the saying no to things and yes to others .. being disciplined and adding structure feels like work , like i have to make it happen.. then i remember my life before.. i was pulled in a thousand directions at once and completely running myself down on things i (wanted) to do..

So today i imagined what it would feel like if i didn't have anything i had to do or not do.. i ended up thinking id have a nap or just go for a slow walk.. then i realized that the reading and listening and structure and the diet.. all the things i (have ) to do, will make my life so much easier and meaningful than it has been , and i started to actually feel like it is my vacation , my relief.



I'm not sure what it all means and i'm sure its not as meaningful the way iv put it here as it was to me today but its big for me.. i can just let these things in learning and doing flow.. just happen. I don't need to force it.. its not hard its easier .. it's the way out from my old tense stressful Unlife.

Also today i bought the mindset book. I ate a smaller dinner and i feel peaceful. I'm going to read the one thing book now.
Thank you and good morning.
He says it so well... and it is hard to formalize it, so I only attempt to do it here and now. The issue is with finishing it is that what started out as choice becomes, at a certain point, a prison, and a vise. Limiting. The pressure. Unpleasant. Escape. In hope of an easier life. In hope of excitement, stimulation.

If I had to risk an assessment what is weak, underdeveloped, and therefore the cause of this self-defeating behavior, I would say two things: 1. TLB... the person with this soul correction needs to do deliberate practice to increase their ability to be with pressure... any type of pressure, emotional, physical. Standing power. It can be increased, it is not a constant. 2. Once the person can see that TLB can be increased, it will pull with it, hopefully, their whole mindset into the growth mindset.

Because one of the unpleasant things they, in unevolved stages can't be with, in the fixed mindset, that they are not already perfect, that they are not already a genius. They need to turn that into "I am perfect in the making, a genius in the making" the way the growth mindset people's self-speak is.

This way they can divert their attention from themselves to what they are doing... hah, that will be the day I dance.

Update 7/10/2016:

The archetype is the flatterer scam artist. If you are their victim: They will hook you with their compliments, flattery, while suck you dry, take you for your last dime, without ever caring about you, and without ever delivering on what they said they would do.

If you are the person with this soul correction: You find yourself with projects half started, never finished. You find yourself getting enough satisfaction out of buying a self-improvement program, but you don't actually listen to it or use it.

Your self-image is "insignificant." Maybe even weak, inconsequential, not important. Or you suffer from delusions of grandeur: you are or should be the best the best looking, the smartest, a hero... except that you are literally unwilling to do the work to make it happen... What's in the way is that pesky "should already" be that. Or "it should be easy for me, even if it is hard for others"

You instinctively know who is a sucker, and you latch onto them. I must be a sucker: you are attracted to me... Why? How? I am sensitive to your flattery... that is MY weakness, and you know it.

It's all a game.



Once you start working with your soul, you'll see that it is an invented way: to avoid being responsible, avoid risk, avoid being seen, avoid life.

You bore a hole in your system to leak energy so you never have to measure up, never have to do anything, really. You keep up appearances by signing up, but to follow through? Not you. You may look bad, or people will find out that you can't... or worse than that, they will find out that you can.

In simple and plain words: you are a con artist. You may have even fooled yourself.

You are miserable. The inauthenticity ((inauthentic=not authentic. Authentic means: you are the same through and through. No fake, no pretense, no facade, it is you... transparent)) of your life, the lack of integrity, and the constant nudging from the soul keep you out of balance, and unhappy.

You are the could have, should have, would have person.

Your choice: continue what you have been doing, or start facing the fact that from time to time you are going to look bad... that you will be tired, disappointed, sad, happy... alive.

What are you going to choose?

A lot of us would recognize this as a character defect. But it is not necessarily the behavior that we recognize that is the soul correction here.

The real soul correction is something really under the radar.

You make promises to the Universe that are sent out as an IOU, a bond. You cash it in (use the Light) and then you don't pay up. You don't deliver. You are in serious arrears with the Universe and unless you start meaning what you say, unless you stop falsifying results, unless you are willing to be weighed and fall short, you are going to play this game... which is, ultimately, will kill you.

Now, what will you choose? Life or death? Seriously!

So what is there to do? You need to have your debt, your undelivered promises cleared up. How do you do that? Find one trusted associate or friend who won't judge you for what you have done. Won't let you off the hook either. But help you do your soul's correction instead.

Make a list of all the ways you have been deceiving the Universe, shortchanging the Universe, and "own it".

The way to own anything is to say what you did without any because. Because means that you are the victim, which is letting yourself off the hook. Instead you want to say: I did that. I did that. I did that. Be specific. It is a finite list: you'll be done before you know. When you are done, item by item, burn the pieces of paper with the list.

Then commit to play straight. No lies, no over-promising and under-delivering, no unfinished projects. No falsifying. No games. No lies. No falsehood. Then honor your commitment. If fall off the pony, you repeat: own it, burn it, recommit.

Then, prepare to be surprised. All the shenanigans of before gone, your fortune finally will start to look up and you will be rewarded for what you do. If you are willing to do what you promise to do, it will be enough for what you seek. I guarantee it.

For other soul corrections, visit this page. If you want to know your own soul correction (great guidance!) follow the instructions on that page.

Read the original article: Updated: Soul Correction: Finish What You Start


I am republishing this article from four years ago... because even though it doesn't say "fixed mindset" and "growth mindset" it is about that...

Frank and Matt... the two archetypes of seekers in all areas of life. relationship seekers, weight loss, prosperity, mindset, spirituality... seekers are seekers!
I got an email in my inbox from a marketing teacher of mine today.

I liked the subject line. I followed the link. I found a fascinating article.

It is about marketing, or better said, two types of marketers, two types of seekers of success, one is "Frank" the other is "Matt".

Frank and Matt are two different types of marketers. But...

The idea of Frank and Matt fits "seekers" to a T. Seekers are exactly matching the two types, they are like Frank and Matt: grabbing for a quick fix or building a path... so I want you to put aside your distaste for marketing and business, and I want you to go over to that site and read it. I mean read every freaking' word on it. Map it on yourself. See yourself. Get justified or find out how and why you have been mislead.



Then come back here and help me by posting a comment.

I want to duplicate that page with lots of real examples of "right on the path" and "stumbling through trying everything" path. I won't call them Frank and Matt... I'll probably call them Mihaela and Chyanna... or Aaron and Alex... based on real students of mine, matching exactly the two types. Or maybe I'll make up some names... lol.

Please: be of service and help me. We'll all benefit from it. You: because you'll gain some clarity. And clarity is the first step on a long road to heaven.

Others because they will find out that they are not the only ones making wrong steps. Their anguish and shame will lessen and will be able to become Matts, finally.

And me: because I will know more about you: who I am talking to, what you are dealing with, and all that lovely stuff.

The more I know about you, the better I can serve you.

OK... here is the story of Matt and Frank from Andre Chaperon

Read the pictures too, much info is there. Don't get distracted by not knowing what the words mean: pay attention to the behavior and the mindset...

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g55Rnc92KWI

Read the original article: You need to ask this question: Are you Frank or Matt when it comes to your Self-Actualization: Becoming all you can be...

The guru culture, or enlightenment industry, is much like the weight loss industry. It is full of gurus who look at the world, at human misery and offer "solutions" to large problems through a very narrow cone of vision, with a mindset that makes them look and sound special. Special talent, special connection, special story, selected especially to get this knowledge. ((This applies to all the law of attraction, manifesting types as well... ))

How they got enlightened. How they got the gift. Blah blah blah. Male, female... all similar stories, all lies.

Mindvalley is a great aggregator of gurus like that.

Just like the weight loss industry, the purpose of every purchase is to promise you that this is the last and only solution you need, only to leave you hoping that the next "solution" will be the last one, the final solution. Oh, and this is important: if the "solution" doesn't work, it is your fault. But the next one will be foolproof... you being always the fool who can't make it work for you.

The guru suggests that there is an end to the seeking and this is it. You found what you were seeking for.



What the gurus cater to is what is called "fixed mindset".

Their own and yours.

Fixed mindset is based on the world view that you are born with certain qualities, intelligence, and personality, and it won't change over your lifetime.

That there is an "I" and there is an "is".

Landmark Education calls these myths... and they are. Except...
If you believe that you were given what you got, intelligence, talent, beauty, and it  and you can't change then your behavior will be consistent with that.
You'll be offended by anyone suggesting that you are less than you could be, that you need to grow, that you don't have what you thought you had. Or that you are not special.

You'll be miserable, guaranteed, and you'll be extremely reactive.

Your TLB will be on the bottom, and you'll be seeking out people who make you feel good about yourself, and avoid everyone who makes you feel bad about yourself. And any and all feedback, correction, adjustment, will make you feel bad about yourself...

The main, the guiding principle of my programs is that you need to earn what you want.

How do you earn anything? You grow into it.

People with the fixed mindset won't grow into it... not that they don't want what they want. They can't see that they can grow into it. They can't see it, because growing into anything is based on the idea that you are not fixed.

You are not fixed. Not your IQ, not your personality, not your talent, not your skills, not your vibration, not the number of spiritual capacities, not your TLB, not anything.

Life is about growing, changing, and humans have an almost unlimited, almost unreachable ceiling of growth, regardless of their current IQ, personality, skill level, or anything.

Until two days ago I didn't have a word for what's stopping these people. (I'll get back to the gurus in a little bit... hang on!)

Then I started to read Carol Dweck's book, Mindset.

You see, unless your vocabulary allows for a new thing to be seen, you won't see it.

Mindset works on your vocabulary. It makes some things dominant, other things not visible at all.

I have been writing to people who have no words in their vocabulary for growth, evolution. They can strategize, they can manipulate, they can scream, they can plead, they can see things they could change, but there is no word for growth in their vocabulary.

Change is not growth. Change is fixing. Change is based on the idea that something is wrong.

The best way to recognize a person with the fixed mindset, in the Starting Point Measurements, is their TLB and their response to feedback.

They will have 1 for TLB and evil for feedback.

70% of the people who ask for their Starting Point Measurements have fixed mindset. So they argue, they tell me that I am wrong, or they go into despair. The list all the people who had said how wonderful, enlightened, amazing they are. They unsubscribe. And often they demand a refund. They feel cheated.

With the fixed mindset they cannot see that they can grow, that they can evolve, that they can get smarter, through challenging themselves.

Of course everyone has a mix... in some areas even I have a fixed mindset... but now that I have a name for it, now that I see it, I can develop ways to grow in those areas too.
And back to the gurus: gurus have a fixed mindset. In that mindset they are special, they've got it, and there is no place to grow, no need to grow, no chance to grow.
My hunch is that I am talking about every guru. Or saint. Or Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha...

In the religions that don't have a lot of followers, like Jainism, the unattractive part is that it is not a fixed mindset religion: you have to challenge yourself and grow.

In other religions you just pray and ask for stuff...

Judaism, in its essence, isn't a fixed mindset religion, but your rabbi may be. And, of course, you hear what any rabbi says from your own mindset... not theirs.

The Scots, I learned recently, was a growth mindset nation for 200-300 years... very inspiring.

The English: no. The Irish: no. The German: somewhat. The Russian: no. The Hungarian: somewhat.

It's a cultural thing... you get it with the breast milk, so to say.

My father had a growth mindset. My mother had a fixed mindset. The both had a fixed mindset about their children.

Because I didn't participate with them... avoided them, I managed to have some growth mindset, that started to express itself when I was going to be thrown out of a good school my father got me into... for my poor grades.

I didn't know if I was smart enough. I knew that I could become smarter. And I did.

In architecture school I was more dominated by the fixed mindset: the world was divided to talented and not talented people... a fixed mindset.

I returned to the growth mindset when I started to participate in the Forum, later the Landmark Forum... And although I stopped participating after 26 years, I retained the mindset.

50% of participants in Landmark have fixed mindset. Less than the world average. Why? Because even to sign up to Landmark, one needs to believe that one can grow...
You see, fixed mindset is always concerned with good news and bad news.
You want to hear what other people say about you... hoping that you are better than you feel you are.

And you don't want to hear what other people say about you because you fear that you are less than you feel you are.

Fixed mindset is a trap, and you want to get out of it. You want to get into the growth mindset.
Life is never fixed. Nothing much is fixed about you... except hair color, eye color, not even your body height, your tendency to be fat, or your tendency to have certain diseases.
Nothing.

I run into people who believe that they have diabetes and high blood pressure, and they carry it like their cross. They do not even THINK that it is not a cross they need to carry, that it is a result of how they live... and how you live you can change... it's obvious.
So what should you do now that you've read this?
First, read the book. I haven't finished it, and I don't know what she is going to say about how to change your mindset, but in my experience when you have a new word your consciousness will start working... it is like yeast in the dough... starts transforming you.

You'll catch yourself with the fixed mindset thoughts and you'll say... Hoho... fixed mindset alert. And you'll ask: what if it isn't true? What if I am not dumb, smart, brilliant, or special... what if I can be more, better, and keep on growing and love it?

What if being judgmental, having prejudices, pre-judging people is what keeps me cemented in the life I don't like... Because they are the signs of the fixed mindset?

What if it were a good thing to find out where you are at: you'd know where you are starting, instead of having illusions or delusions about that.

In my experience, the students who ask for feedback most frequently are the ones who use the feedback most to turn their mindset and their lives around.

The 67 steps program is incredibly effective for the growth minded folks and devastating for fixed minded folks.

You get feedback daily: you get to look at your life, your thoughts, your beliefs, your behavior in comparison to the thoughts, beliefs, behavior of people who did well... authors, billionaires, sports stars, etc.

If you have the growth mindset, you use this feedback to slowly turn your life around.

But unless you manage to turn around your fixed mindset into growth mindset, you won't...

So turning your mindset around should be your first priority.

Get the book, read the book, get your Starting Point Measurements and restart your life from that point.

You'll thank me for it later. And then I may even accept you into my coaching program.

Read the original article: Why do the gurus have low vibration?
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