(fanfic) Dear Mr. Howard,
Hi! We've noticed that you're working on dealing with the consequences of your civilization's weakening of its boundaries to other "dimensions." To you and your various fellows on your world, have hope. This is your lucky day!
We have a large, respected operation across many continua, and we have developed off-the-shelf turnkey solutions for the challenges you're beginning to face. Not to get into your classified designations in a message as unsecured as this, but hey howdy, your NIGHTMAREs are soon to be a thing of the past! (najjnajj, wink wink)
There are a few phases to the operation. The first is to immediately strengthen the barriers to other realms with a temporary construct. It can be put in place faster than you can say "all your canned cheeseburger are belong to us."
Then we work to decrease the activity that weakens the barriers and attracts the beasties. Capping the capacities of most of your population's cognitive functions is easier than it sounds, and our customers often report unexpected side benefits. And we can put filters on all your non-biological computers to prevent unapproved algorithms from executing, all without interfering with currently-installed software!
Our tech support are all cheerful and eager to help with any questions you might be able to come up with. So look into it, Bob!
For more details, plus methods to contact us, see the attached WordPerfect document.
The Good Guys #fanfic #laundry #charlesstross #bobhoward