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Daniel Dick
Works at NoDivorces
Attended Stanford University
Lives in California
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Daniel Dick

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Matthew 19:9, "And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

Some believe what some call the "betrothal theory" of fornication vs adultery pounding the pulpit and bullying anyone who would question them when they say that fornication and not adultery is the sole legitimate justification for divorce.  Others question the reasoning of this whether it is even possible to divorce before a marriage is consummated, or whether it is possible for a married person to commit adultery before being married--that is, during the betrothal period.  But, the general idea is that in the early days of Christianity, couples became legally married when they were betrothed as Joseph and Mary were, and they were legally bound even though they would not engage in intimacy prior to the end of their betrothal period.

I'm sorry, but to me that comes across as a stretch that runs afoul of many scriptures and principles laid down in scripture.  One old testament passage it seems to contradict is Deut. 24:1-4, which I would be the first to assert is often abused, and some would assert that this passage no longer applies.  But, whatever changes to rules God implements, I believe they are always consistent with principles of God that are unchanging.  And here, this passage is defending the second marriage where a woman did not put herself away but was put away by her husband.

Many scripture references point to a letter of divorce required by a man putting his wife away, and scripture tells us this is a horrible or treacherous thing to do as in Malachi, for instance.  I don't see this letter as permission to divorce.  I see it as a way of saying to the men, "If you are going to be a lying, adulterous, unfaithful covenant breaker, at least have the backbone and manliness necessary to spare your wife the shame of your terrible and unjust decision.  She is not walking out on you like an unfaithful whore.  You're dumping her, so give her that in writing."

I believe it was anything BUT a permission to divorce, and therefore that command, not that permission, but that command was written because of the hardness of the men's hearts.

So, if a man sent his wife away, he had better think twice because if she were to remarry, he could never have her back again.  In other words, if he was going to commit this horribly treacherous sin of throwing his wife away, he had better be ready to accept it will have permanent ramifications.  Playing divorce is not something to be encouraged.

I was divorced, and I remarried.  Some would call people like me adulterers.  But, that's nothing.  People in my situation might call such people liars and Pharisees.  Name calling has no legitimate authority, but God's Word does.  But, that does not mean we have the right to grab God's Word and twist it to defend our point of view. But even if we are utterly faithful and honest, we can be sure we will be accused of twisting scripture.

But, when my first wife divorced me to be with another man, I waited and prayed and fasted for a very long time as my wife went through a few men, and eventually I felt the Lord calling me to take off the ring.  So I obeyed.  If I felt it was unscriptural, I would tend to believe the call was not from God.  I was not inclined to have it come from my flesh given I did not want to be around women much at that time.  A most beautiful Christian could approach me at that time and I would keep far, far away.

But, God had other plans.  Eileen was in Adelaide, Australia.  She was 35 and hit the age when she said she would no longer marry.  But, she had written up a list of requirements for the man she would marry and prayed for that.  The list was pretty hard if not impossible to match, but apparently I matched every point.  She prayed and asked God if I was the man God had for her, and she heard the song, "With all that I Am" while she was praying.  Her brother in law was not sure he could attend our wedding since I had been divorced before, and yet we both had a great friendship and respect for one another and I did not take offense.  In fact, I encouraged him to stay by his convictions and act according to faith.  But, soon he called back and said God showed Him in scripture where it was OK to remarry in my situation.  Then on our wedding day, our pastor felt called by God to add a song to our song list, and it was "With all that I Am".  I never noticed since I did not know about this, but Eileen did.  And when I called my daughter later to tell her about it, she said she felt as if she were in our wedding as she was practicing the same song back in the bay area as her mother prevented her from coming to our wedding.

So, the betrothal theory of fornication being the only legitimate cause for divorce presents a dilemma.  If it is true, then I would be morally bound to end my second marriage and wait for my first wife.  If it is false, then I would be morally bound to stay in this second marriage.  My daughter from the first marriage is almost 21 and in college and she and my ex-wife's family wholeheartedly approved of this second marriage, and no love has been lost.  And Eileen and I now have a 15 month little boy who needs his parents.

Because of all this, it is vitally important to know and understand scripture and to have a right relationship with God and be taught by the Holy Spirit before making enormous life-changing decisions, and it is vital to be faithful to God in those decisions.  Disapproval will come whether you are right or wrong, but if it comes, you want to be confident.  You don't want to go through life disconnected or distanced from God because of sin that has not been repented of, and you don't want to be in the position of having to choose whether to stay with God and leave a loved one or whether to stay with the loved one and leave God.

As it is, I know I have the disapproval of the betrothal theory crowd, and there are some who would tell me I am running afoul of God and am destined for hell. But I also know that just about any cult follower would tell me that, too, and wouldn't Satan himself try to convince Jesus he was going to hell if it were possible to do so?  After all, Satan tried to knock Jesus off the path tree solid times when Jesus was in the wilderness for 40 days.

I pray for my ex.  I don't have reason to gloat over her suffering.  I don't tell her she was warned or that she is getting what she deserved.  I believe in forgiveness, and I sincerely wish the best for her, and I was glad to hear she was beginning to press in and become close to God again.  I hope it is true.  I am happy if she remembers that it was her who rejected me and not I who rejected her, not because I want to blame her for wrongdoing, but so that she knows she was loved and was worth waiting for until the point when I felt God calling me to take off the ring.  I would want her to know that the ring did not come off in pursuit of another woman but in response to God's calling and that I remained single for years after that.  I want her to know she was not left because of her illness of bipolar, and that if she had wanted our marriage to continue, I would have forgiven her and continued.

I have to believe that God wanted me to take the ring off and that this second marriage was orchestrated by God.  I questioned the confirmations I received to the point where I could no longer question them without questioning God Himself.  And I have to thank Him for such a great blessing.  I also know that had this tragic situation never happened, I would not have had the children I have been blessed with.

So, do I believe in marriage after divorce?  It depends--not on feeling or on convenience, but on whether it is consistent with God's Word and God's calling.  If I had been the adulterer leaving my wife to marry another woman, I would consider that sinful and I would question the validity of that second marriage as I don't believe any woman has the right to steal another woman's husband, and my convictions have always been strong against so much as to consider two women at the same time.  In this situation, before I could consider Eileen, I had to be sure that were Nellina to desire to come back and reunite, I would have to know for certain that Eileen would have first and only consideration.  To consider two women at the same time is to guarantee hurting one or the other, and to me that would not be honorable.  In this case, I was rejected by my previous wife for another man.  I waited, and I prayed, and I fasted, and I soaked my pillow in prayer for days on end many times over a period of years before feeling the call to move on. And I did not feel ready to give up, but I felt called to obey.  If that runs afoul of some people, and if some people say this is ungodly, sinful, adulterous, I have to listen to what God says and discern whether the voices of others are consistent or whether they are the accusations of the devil or perhaps of a person who has not yet come to see things in the same way I do.
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Have him in circles
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People
Have him in circles
41 people
Eileen Dick's profile photo
Kong Chuan Susanto's profile photo
Felecia Wong's profile photo
Lilian Hiu's profile photo
Work
Occupation
Just about anything to do with computers
Employment
  • NoDivorces
    Owner/Founder, 2001 - present
  • Clickmarks
    Director Operations and Information Technology, 2000 - 2001
  • PeopleSoft
    Staff Analyst, 1997 - 2000
  • Oracle
    Senior Systems Aministrator, 1994 - 1997
  • Ingres
    Member Technical Staff, 1990 - 1994
  • NASA
    Consultant / Systems Administrator, 1989 - 1990
  • US Script/Centene
    Senior Developer, 2007 - 2009
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
California
Previously
California - Oregon - Some travel--Indonesia, Europe, Singapore, etc
Story
Introduction
Married to a wonderful lady, Eileen, and have a great daughter, Michelle who will be graduating from high school in 2011.

I'm a man with a responsible but crazy sense of humor, and often my jokes get missed or are noticed some time later.  I have awesome parents and awesome in-laws.  What else?  I'm a geek on steroids.

I tend to learn a technology fast and deeply but keep it in my mind only while I'm using it and then a month or two later, it's gone.  But, acquiring it back again is almost instantaneous.

I grabbed a VPS from Ubiquity with a plain Centos installation and am configuring DNS, Exim, TMDA, MySql, Apache, PHP, Java, phpMyAdmin, firewalls, a shared WordPress-MU setup, Drupal, in preparation for gradually moving my 25 or so web sites over to this kind of environment.

I'm hoping my strengths will outweigh my weaknesses at Google.  But in the meantime, I need to keep all my web related skills fresh.  Most recently, I had been working on web security and SEO foundations, but I find these can tax a system if they are not set up efficiently.  I need one or more Unix systems or VPS installations to do that.  The run of the mill C-panel type sites are nice when you want to kick back and be lazy, but if you want to move much of the activity up and out of the .htaccess files and away from things that burden the system and be able to cut out hackers and bots early, you really need full control.  I should be separating operations more but that's costly for the little operation I'm doing.  But, this should still suffice.

Then I want to get back into Java, and learn python, and perhaps keep fresh in several other technologies as well.

Well, that was long.  Oh.  I like people.  I can work hard and long and independently and think deeply, but what I enjoy most is collaborating at the white board with folks, teaching, mentoring, encouraging, helping others reach their potential.  I enjoy leadership roles and impromptu presentations as well as planned ones.

What else?  I have won awards in math, music, and photography, and technical support.

Oh, and did I say I'm a geek?  Actually, I prefer the term, "Technology Professional" except where geeky humor and geeky environments are appropriate and desirable.

Education
  • Stanford University
    Computer Science - Databases and Advanced Systems
  • C.S.U., Fresno
    BA Applied Mathematics
Basic Information
Gender
Male