Profile

Cover photo
Aniket Bhati
Works at Capstone Securities Analysis Pvt Ltd
Attended Holy Cross English High School
Lives in Pune
326 followers|250,812 views
AboutPostsPhotosYouTubeReviews

Stream

Aniket Bhati

Shared publicly  - 
 
Trump's first day at the Oval Office. First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby.

Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.

CIA: We can't do that. It is Modi in India and not Manmohan.

Trump: So what?

CIA: Modi will cut Balochistan out of Pak.

Trump: I don't care.

CIA: India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons. They will become a superpower. We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in Kashmir.

Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban.

CIA: Sir, we can't do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes.

Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis.

Pentagon: Sir, we can't do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can't have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil - and we cannot let their people own it.

Trump: Then, let us invade Iran.

Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir.

Trump: Why not?

CIA: We are talking to them, sir.

Trump: What? Why?

CIA: We want our stealth drone back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check.

Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again.

CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.

Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq?

CIA: We need the Shi'ite gov't of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.

Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US.

FBI: We can't do that.

Trump: Why not?

FBI: Then our own population will become fearless.

Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border.

Border patrol: You can't do that, sir.

Trump: Why not?

Border patrol: If they're gone, who will build the wall?

Trump: I am banning H1Bs.
USCIS: You cannot do that.

Trump: Why?

Chief of staff: If you do so we'll have to outsource White House operations to Bangalore. Which is in India.

Trump: What the hell should I do???

CIA: Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest!!!

God bless America!
1
1
Hritwik Jadhav (Ťɧɛ Ńųιιıʄıɖıąŋ)'s profile photo
Add a comment...

Aniket Bhati

Shared publicly  - 
 
The Big Short has made people more reluctant to buy subprime bonds, says Morgan Stanley
While that old chestnut 'any press is good press' may be true in many cases, for financial firms, a Hollywood film focusing on subprime bonds and t...
4
Add a comment...

Aniket Bhati

Shared publicly  - 
 
Indian Railways’ is heading towards a successful journey of speedy development with the addition of brand new railway coaches and much more. This is all thanks to our beloved railway minister Suresh Prabhu for understanding …
1
Add a comment...

Aniket Bhati

Shared publicly  - 
 
Uber Now Worth More than Ford or General Motors
1
Add a comment...

Aniket Bhati

Shared publicly  - 
 
Use my Uber promo code, aniketb22, and get ₹250 off your first Uber ride. Redeem it at https://www.uber.com/invite/aniketb22
1
Add a comment...
In his circles
648 people
Have him in circles
326 people
Arpit Chandak's profile photo
CA Swapnil Palod's profile photo
Manish Shrama's profile photo
Raz Bidwe's profile photo
Bruce Bogard's profile photo
jiteshwar nishad's profile photo
Santosh Bane's profile photo
sacheen j's profile photo
Devdatta Bharadkar's profile photo

Aniket Bhati

Shared publicly  - 
 
Pulse Candy Becomes a Sensation; Beats Coke Zero Record in Sales
Pulse, the tiny hard-boiled candy from DS Group has set the pulse of FMCG sector racing as it equaled the mighty Coke Zero's record in terms of s...
1
Add a comment...

Aniket Bhati

Shared publicly  - 
 
 
Taiwan Enlightened broke the world record of SuperNova again with over 5,500 links, and the number of links is still increasing. Where is the new record going to?

臺北市中山區民享公園
https://www.ingress.com/intel?ll=25.059432,121.521272&z=14&pll=25.059432,121.521272

Siterep: https://plus.google.com/+%E8%91%89%E5%BF%97%E6%96%8C/posts/VLYco7F5iGo

#Enlightened #Taiwan
+Masashi Kawashima +Carlie Chiu +Matilde Tusberti
 ·  Translate
129 comments on original post
1
Nand Kishore Nanda's profile photo
 
do not know whdr today is Ankit's Birthday. If is so then Happy Birthday Ankit...
Add a comment...

Aniket Bhati

Shared publicly  - 
 
Don't let big Dow drop turn you off these stocks
http://www.cnbc.com/id/103276626
1
Add a comment...

Aniket Bhati

Shared publicly  - 
 
How to trade Fed's interest rate hike
http://www.cnbc.com/id/103248444
"Fast Money" traders picked apart the best ways to trade the Fed's first rate hike in nearly a decade.
1
Add a comment...

Aniket Bhati

Shared publicly  - 
 
Use my Uber promo code, fr1e4, and get ₹250 off your first Uber ride. Redeem it at https://www.uber.com/invite/fr1e4
1
Add a comment...
People
In his circles
648 people
Have him in circles
326 people
Arpit Chandak's profile photo
CA Swapnil Palod's profile photo
Manish Shrama's profile photo
Raz Bidwe's profile photo
Bruce Bogard's profile photo
jiteshwar nishad's profile photo
Santosh Bane's profile photo
sacheen j's profile photo
Devdatta Bharadkar's profile photo
Work
Occupation
Wall Street Trader and Senior Equity Analyst at Capstone Securities Analysis Pvt Ltd.
Skills
Trading
Employment
  • Capstone Securities Analysis Pvt Ltd
    Senior Equity Analyst, 2005 - present
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
Pune
Previously
Pune, India - Aurangabad, India - Mumbai, India
Story
Introduction
I'm a Wall Street Trader working with Chicago based Company in India @ Pune. I trade US Listed Equities on NYSE, NASDAQ, AMEX  & ARCA. Love Dance ,Traveling & Shopping.

My BlackBerry  PIN 31436653
Education
  • Holy Cross English High School
    1999
Basic Information
Gender
Male
Relationship
Single
Apps with Google+ Sign-in
  • Glypher