Qualities To Look For In A Partner: INTEGRITY
I will be looking at a very important subject over the next couple of months. The topic is qualities to look for when choosing the right partner for ourselves. I am proposing that there are at least 6 non-negotiables that should be included in our list of Must Haves & Deal Breakers before we take a relationship to the next level of commitment. Without these the relationship will probably be dissatisfying, frustrating and even unhealthy.
As with all areas of my coaching I’m adamant that we look at ourselves first before insisting that our partner has these qualities. If we don’t have the necessary qualities ourselves then we are most likely not relationship ready anyway. The elements that I will be highlighting are not the superficial aspects that make us look twice at a person (beautiful eyes), not their personality (friendly) but the more important character traits that are necessary for a relationship to stand the test of time…..happily!
I have chosen integrity as the first part in the Qualities Series for good reason. Without it there just isn’t a relationship worse pursuing and investing in. So, let’s look at integrity. What is it? Why is it important? How do we develop it?
What is Integrity?
According to Wikipedia: Integrity stems from the Latin adjective integer ,which in this context means “whole and complete” and is derived from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character. Those having integrity would be judged on the extent to which they act according to the values, beliefs and principles they claim to hold.
Synonyms: honest, upright, sincere, unimpaired, etc.
Antonyms: dishonest, deceitful, immoral, untrustworthy, etc.
Why is Integrity Important?
Your integrity determines your reputation. Not telling the truth, playing games or making promises you have no intention of keeping is the most significant way that people ruin friendships and couples kill affection, build resentment and destroy intimacy.
How do we develop Integrity?
By building and improving characteristics such as:
the courage of your convictions,
strength of character,
responsibility & reliability,
openness & transparency.
identify your core values,
analyse your behaviour,
practice changing your behaviour,
enlist the help of friends or a coach.
I once coached a businessman who was having problems in his relationship. I decided that it would be a good idea for us to look at whether he and his partner were in fact compatible and whether his loved one had the qualities that were important for their relationship to work. She did! But then I asked him if he did. He didn’t! When I asked him whether he was trustworthy he said: I don’t lie but I sometimes withhold the truth. That’s not lying is it? Wow! What a scary thought. His idea of integrity was totally different to his wife’s and this was clearly a problem, and would continue to be as long as this disconnect remained.
If you are lacking in this area then work on your integrity and you can expect your partner to have this quality if you are seeking out a satisfying relationship. Trust me when I say that this is a must for any relationship of substance!http://blog.matchvip.co.za/2014/03/04/qualities-to-look-for-in-a-partner-integrity/