Cover photo
Scrap Princesses Reviews This Thing


you know those games that seem like a 2-3 minute amusing concept game and then you sink about a hour into them without really noticing?

The ultrasimple legacy system plus the basic hitbox management combat system could be a tiny bit cleaned up and expanded upon and make this a fairly solid pick up game.

-the legacy system where you inherit stats from the parents seems to have some weird odds (more likely to get stuff from the dad) and occasional inherence of something that neither parent has

-the weapons seem to have only one variable (length) , when they could easily have hitbox dimensions, damage, knockback, and damage repeat going on as well. They might actually have that , if they do it needs to be turned up.

-when kissing girls don't do it too close to a wall or , if you choose to not love your baby , you can spawn inside the wall and be trapped FOREVER

As it is , it's still totally worth a play
Reynaldo Madriñan's profile photo
I love how all Yes/No inquires are prefaced with "Do you love _"
Add a comment...
(this review will appear on steam once I can get it to work )
Oh man I really wanted to like this game, I love how it looks, I love the sad whale plot , but alas, fudge no.

Bear in mind the following on my review : I played this for an hour (when it was updated so I could get it load on the mac) , never progressed the first boss, unlocked 2 guns , 2 items and 2 heads. I'm fairly happy playing frantic games, Hyper Light Drift was totally my jam.

Anyway this game ,
"spoilers to follow for some game mechanics but nothing that you wouldn't see in the trailer, immediately discovero n playing or find out later and be unsurprised anyway because they are generic as soup"

The visuals are great but clash heavily with the gameplay.
As in there's often only a couple of colours happening (most importantly all the enemies are the same themed colour) , a lot is going on , everything is wobbling slightly , and big explosions.

Which looks great but as the game is fairly fast moving and requires an immediate response when you get hit (you have to find your head and/or gun and item) , and this is extremely punishing, you need what you are responding to be presenting everything as clearly as possible.

Which it isn't. As soon as the action ramps up you can't easily tell the enemies apart (they are all red in the first world), the explosions are covering everything, and you often get clipped by things you think you would of missed.
You get hit , you have to then try and quickly retrieve your head (and often gun and item) before your invincibility runs out.

I often didn't realise that's what happened as the explosion of shot enemies had completely obscured this and I was looking at my ammo to see if that's the reason I wasn't shooting.

Then my invincibility would run out , and me or my head would get hit (I'm still not sure exactly what kills me despite countless deaths, this is how much the visuals were a problem for me)
and I would die .

The difficulty here when too much is happening suggests that maybe I'm meant to playing more cautiously. This would seem to be the case except the first early boss is a completely gate of "handle frantic play or fuck off" .

The boss is a good example in clashing game design decisions actually:
-it's testing frantic play despite the game seemingly discouraging it
-it's multiple bosses on the screen along with multiple regular enemies . The bosses are the exact same colour and similar silhouette as the regular enemies and only a little bigger
-they have 2 behaviours that mean you need to be far more mindful of them than the regular enemies i.e they rush directly at you at great speed in any direction unless you shoot them as they do it
if you bounce on them twice in a row you get hit by the second bounce

That last one is particular obnoxious as no enemy previously had this behaviour (i.e you can bounce on them multiple times until they die) and there's nothing in the appearance of the boss or the animation to suggest that you can't do this. The action is so frantic it will take multiple attempts before you realise this is what is injuring you and not the half dozen other things going on .

-also there's 3 of them

Most often I died in seconds upon reaching the boss and learned basically nothing about them other than "gosh a lot was happening"

And again massive explosions, wobbling that seems to obscure hit boxes and single colour enemies. Which are all things that games that are frantic, and commonly regarded as fun, don't do.

Up to this point you will of encountered 5 different enemies (all are red) : dudes that walk towards you, dudes that hover in the air and then fly towards you when they notice you, hedgehogs that sometimes curl up and be invincibility and hazardous to bouncing on , snails that slowly patrol vertical spaces (mostly? maybe horizontal sometimes , unsure) , dudes that hover in the air and rush rapidly down when you are below them.

The flyers and droppers have a fairly similar profile , with the walkers and even hedgehogs blending in when the action picks up.

Droppers move fast enough to require immediate identification, flyers are less of a threat but often will be flying just above your shot path or on a near enough angle which you won't notice with the explosions until they crash into you.

As ,until much later load out options, you only shoot straight up, the best strategy for flyers and droppers is to bait them , retreat and then shoot them when are reachable with a jump, wall slide, or double jump (which you have but it's kinda pathetic).

The flyers are scripted and animated to have "oh I'm baited" and "oh I've gotten confused I will stop following" visuals suggesting this was the desired one.

Which , again with the mess of the action, is pushing towards a careful progression.

And you can have this be a fun game play element , buuut you gotta have more range and complexity in level design and enemy , to have this being fun for very long.

Aaaand the lethality and the setback of dying , I was doing this far beyond this fun point.

Sometimes I would avoid killing flyers or snails , not because of risk or resources, just because waiting 2-3 seconds to get them in position to shoot them was too boring to bother with, despite a mechanic reward for doing so.

The unlockable additional load-out and money system is obscured and it's meant to fun to work it out but nothing you are getting is changing up the gameplay enough to make this anything more than annoying .

Like "Oh wow what do these weird glyphs do " oh right they are money, I can buy a health or swap out for I've already unlocked at the shop or get a continue.
That was the most generic thing for them to be. Dunno why they had to hide that from me.

There might be further mysteries about this but at this stage my interest is so lost they will be forever mysteries.

I didn't find, see or earn new load-out options enough to want to keep playing just for the chance to find them either.

Aaand looking at what people have written in guides they are all all the guns that if you had to think up some video game guns really quickly why that's what they are.

There's a bit more gameplay elements to this with the combo system, items , heads , but honestly nothing noteworthy enough to change how I feel about it.

Also hypothetically later levels might, but I so disinterested by this stage that they don't matter.
Scrap Princesses Reviews This Thing's profile photoTrent B's profile photo
Trent B
Yeah yeah, I feel like it's gone downhill in the last few years. They had some staff changes I think.
Add a comment...
this scrolling beat em up for PICO-8 has way more gameplay and fun than something so small should able to have and a+++ can moon walk and fight skelemans and constantly adjusting tactics to mob manage
Add a comment...
I watched Lobster and maybe I'm not going watch movies anymore, because maybe that other movie could be like Lobster as well.
Zak Sabbath's profile photogregory blair's profile photoScrap Princesses Reviews This Thing's profile photo
+gregory blair whelp it's your time
Add a comment...
So that bubble bobble variant is by Benjamin Soulé and he has a bunch of games made on pico-8.
Def check them out highlights include:

Totem : it's boss fight only megaman but a plains indian fighting totem spirits , so the theme could be less wack, but it's the game solid.
You have a bow and arrow and can turn into any animal you haven't defeated yet. So reverse of megaman then. Each totem has it's own abilitys but the author didn't have enough time to get it working how they like. Eagle has double jump, rabbit does double damage to one certain boss, vulture has life drain, horse does running, snake poisons. There's some neat little mechanics hidden in there too.

RainMaker: great little platformer , takes a while to work out what the hell you are meant to be doing but working it out is part of the fun. Subtlely unique

Underworld: Like a turn based 8 bit dungeon keeper. Actually pretty deep considering how simple it is

Fire and Brimstone: a very simple but ingenious rogue like. Remarkable what it does with how little .
Scrap Princesses Reviews This Thing's profile photo
When fighting the snake spirit make sure your arrow hits a snake before hitting him and that fucker will be poisoned
Add a comment...
still going to be a while before I can coherently review anything important like the pdfs people sent me so apologys for that.
But here is review for FLOWERS it's not important because people got paid for doing it. It's a british comedy with that other guy from the mighty boosh , howard moon.
It's a fucking weird time. It's a real fucked up weird time.
Watching the pilot is being subjected to intensely cringe awkward humour with absurd unpleasant caricatures of people. There is a japanese character who comes across like a bad ME SO SORRY skit, though like someone more affected by that could call it better than me*
The first episode starts with a suicide attempt and then runs with a pedo gag** . No-one seems likeable or capable of a single moment of integrity or honesty.
But then, if you keep watching, by about episode 3 everyone has started becoming more human (while still spiked with brutal humour). It keeps getting realer and realer . By the end (episode 6) it's dealt with utter brutality the effects of depression and suicide on the survivors, the affected and those leaved behind. It's pulled no punches about the damage it causes.

It's fucked you up. You are now considering if you should tell you dad about about suicide attempts before he dies of cancer or something.
The fuck?

There has been more fucked up bad taste humour, punishing british awkwardness and ludicrous plot twists.

It's a fucking weird time.

* and he does get a fucking intense character arc that lampoons it but Idk if you would be cool with it if you were Japanese or maybe asian.
** not saying those can't be made into jokes , just saying this is some dark humour
Anxy P.'s profile photoScrap Princesses Reviews This Thing's profile photoJeremy Duncan's profile photo
the latter.
Add a comment...
This is still going and now I guess I should post on both g+ accounts that there is a new post with some pictures by me ?
Print PDF Knights are terrible and are a rudimental example how the nature of human society is a process of choosing the least unpredictable but still terrifyingly dangerous thug to extort you with a protection racket. And...
Scrap Princess's profile photo
it got meta, the lazy one showed up
Add a comment...
Lost Highway

lost highway is like ten minutes of great scenes surrounded by weakest version of that one movie David Lynch keeps making

featuring David Lynchism both new and familiar!:

-“real life was a David Lynch movie” David Blake being the only good thing about this movie

-not just one but two rubbery babymen shot in so close you think you can smell their rank sweet stink

-not easily dismissed feeling that he suddenly started making a new movie half way through this film!

-doomed lady phantoms! Alluring! Doomed! Maybe Evil???

-both kinds of David Lynch acting : Just-got-pushed-in-front-of-the-camera-confusion and Terrifying Confident Certainty however mismatched with whatever else is going on

-Richard Pryor! Gary Busey! Neither knows what the fuck they were meant to do here

-Henry Rollins! I have never cared about this guy !


-Neither I or David Lynch knows how many lead actresses are in this film! it’s a number between 1 and 4 I’m pretty sure

-the dudes face at the start when he plays the sax is worse than anything in Eraserhead!
Ramanan S's profile photoJeremy “frothsof” Smith's profile photogregory blair's profile photoPeter Webb's profile photo
Inland Empire was good tho
Add a comment...
I haven't plugged this particular game though I mentioned the author
anyway it's another fantastic tight little game via the pico-8 engine/coding system/platform(?) .
It's the fastest instant rogue I've ever played.
No equipment or class system , just ankhs found on each floor that give you an upgrade.

One ankh each level , and the upgrades are chosen from randomised grid, restricting your access to only ones adjacent your previous choices.

The upgrades allow you to improve damage, health , attacks as well as one use per dungeon floor spells, stealth , item drops etc.

Your goal is to find 4 parts of magical green funk-biscuit.

PLOT TWiST the dungeon/tower/painbox is full of angry weirdos and you will die extremely quickly and often if you don't adjust your upgrade choices and strategies to them.

which brings us to the crux of the game: until you learn how best to pace your upgrades and what the enemies do you will die in ways that feel unavoidable and unfair.

But you can replay so fast that doesn't really seem a problem, and it's kind of the fun of it.

I could barely progress until people told me some strategies. You might be able to figure them out , (esp some of the upgrades have slightly non-obvious elements to them) , if not, ask me or look in the comments for tips.

For such a small game there is lot of ingenuousness to it , the way little things work together that are quite impressive.

I recommend it highly.
Ben L.'s profile photoPaolo Greco's profile photoChris H's profile photoScrap Princesses Reviews This Thing's profile photo
Also has anyone found the mana or health potion upgrade remotely useful? It always loses out to just getting a heart upgrade or another spell when I play.
Add a comment...
HAhahah I'm sorry I didn't review anything of merit one day one day
aka Charlie and The Chocolate Factory 2005 version. I said I’d do a review of this. This is a bad movie. even if it wasn’t in the shadow of the original. Which wasn’t perfect , as it had this blond...
Scrap Princess's profile photoJeremy “frothsof” Smith's profile photoAlec Henry's profile photoKiel Chenier's profile photo
Thank you so much. Sorry for putting you through this. 
Add a comment...
this is a cute as hell bobble bubble bibble whatever-like that I am terrible at :
Scrap Princesses Reviews This Thing's profile photo
I'm still playing this game btw, though considering how brutal the later levels get when the vampires show up I doubt I'll finish it
Add a comment...
this game is cute, the collusion detection is a little wack but I love stabbing things with a cakefork and if you feel like wizzing through some mild platformer you should play this
A sweet platformer for #LOWREZJAM 2016
Jason Kielbasa's profile photo
had me at cakefork. #carbskill  
Add a comment...
Scrap Princesses Reviews This Thing's Collections
THis is now the g+ where I review things
No Explains For You
Contact Information
Contact info
write my name in a mirror and puke icecream