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Seth Clayton
321 followers -
Not a zombie... yet
Not a zombie... yet

321 followers
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Seth's posts

I am an average man living in an anything but average world. For I have an arch nemesis. These things are usually reserved for the gods who walk amongst us. Yet I have an arch nemesis. And because I am a simple mortal of no import, I am powerless against him. 

I know I am not unique. He victimizes all he finds - man, woman, and child - without remorse. He is as old as time, and has driven men mad for nothing more than his simple pleasure. He goes by many names, but the moniker he has revealed to me is The Infinity Hair

He lies in wait in my bathroom, knowing I’ll be vulnerable there. He hides under the soap in the guise of a simple hair in the shape of an “8” - or rarely - the shape of an “S”. And when I am naked and defenseless, that’s when he reveals himself. But because of his uncanny illusion, I think, “this is but a simple hair. And even though I am a man of low degree, surely I can remove it.”

This is my first mistake and he knows it. He preys on my hubris. For he is no simple hair - he is The Infinity Hair.

And so I smudge the soap with my thumb, yet he does not move. I gouge the soap with my nails while my wife weeps openly of things that will never be. Yet he only slithers hither and yon, mocking me in my impotence. I spray him with the shower head, and he flees in terror. 

Thinking I’ve won, I turn the soap over and find him still there; his terror a cunning ruse designed to instill me with false confidence. And as my confidence shatters, I rage against him as a paper tiger, ineffectual in my seething. 

As the waters turn to ice, I am forced to abandon my onslaught. I leave, dripping and shivering, the shell of the man I once was. 

Yet what choice do I have but to face him once more? For as helpless as I am, hope that I may one day defeat this foul creature and spare the lives of so many others keeps me returning, day after day, to fight an unwinnable war against a far superior foe. 

That is my tale. The tale of an average man in an anything but average world. The tale of a man with an arch nemesis. 

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Blah, blah, rockets, blah, blah, Congress voted to give NASA a raise in 2016 to $19.3 billion — more than the agency requested, bla-

Wait, what? Congress gave NASA MORE money than they asked for!? Did I just slip into an alternate dimension where science is real and religion is debatable?!? Did the flat Earth we all know and love spontaneously bend into a sphere? Are androids now dreaming of ME?

#nasa   #congress   #budget   #commonsense   #rockets   #science  

Old skool gaming quote of the night:

Wife: The spelling in this handout is atrocious! You really need a spell checker!

Me: That was written before they invented spell checkers!

#rpg   #gaming   #dnd   #oldskool   #ImTooOldForThisShit  

I've mentioned before how I get petitions from Change.org and will not sign them, even if I agree with it, if the actual petition doesn't include relevant information. You can put as much story and passion as you want in the description, but if the petition doesn't explain the complaint and give actionable demands, I'm not touching it.

Case in point, this little gem:

Letter to:
U.S. House of Representatives
U.S. Senate

Plastic Bags Accumulating in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch

Um, what? There's not even a complete sentence in that petition. If I sign it, what am I asking for? To allow poor, homeless, plastic bags to accumulate? To prevent plastic bags from accumulating? To move the garbage patch to New Jersey?

No. Reading the impassioned introduction, I'm theoretically asking the government to require stores to charge money for plastic bags. But that's not in the petition and I doubt that whoever gets that petition is going to get the introduction as well. And even if they do, stringing a few words together as a petition isn't going to impress anyone.

Ok, it apparently impressed 8,229 people. But I'm pretty sure half of them are bots and the other half didn't read the petition.

#english   #petitions   #changedotorg  

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"They are lucky people here aren't die-hard fans. If this had happened in the U.S., they would have set the theatre on fire."

Hey! What kind of barbarians do you think we are? Setting a theater on fire because they cancelled Star Wars. It's unbelievable how some people think that we're... Hang on. No, that's probably pretty accurate. Never mind.

#news   #americans   #starwars   #theforceawakens  

Self/Less is like The Notebook, but with the genders reversed.

And instead of reading a book, they shoot people.

I found no ugly Christmas sweaters with a chestburster coming out in my Google search. Why must the world constantly disappoint me?

I will make one this year. I swear on my mother's grave....

#uglychristmassweaters   #christmas   #youredoingitwrong   #mymomisntdead   #chestburster   #aliens   #xenomorph  

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We take a tiny sample of your skin. Separate the stem cells. Store your stem cells in liquid nitrogen. Forever. Then, one day, when old age or illness overtakes you we re-programme them. Introduce them back into your body. Regenerate you, using your younger, stronger, healthier self. It's not science fiction. Just science.

#WTF #transhumanism #science #sciencefiction #ad #ticeba
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Scream Mountain. Took a ski lift to the top, now waiting for the haunted walk and hay ride 😃

So I'm sitting in on an online training course for Visual Studio Online agile development. We spent over 45 minutes trying to get everyone to setup Microsoft accounts. 45 minutes

One of the chat comments was "I got a message saying 'Enter the email address in the format someone@example.com' What does that even mean?"

Um... It means you should shutdown your laptop, hand it to your employer, and find another job! If these people aren't developers, they should at least be testers. That involves at least hearing stories about things like personal computing devices, the internet, and email. 

This is going to be the longest 2 days of my life....

#work   #techchallenged   #technologicallychallenged   #iseestupidpeople   
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