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Candace Cahill
Candace's posts

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Clown For A Day
more than 10 years I have been dressing up as a clown for the 4 th of
July.   I’ve skipped, hopped and
cartwheeled my way up and down Broadway more times than I can count, handing
out event fliers and flags during the biggest little parade you could eve...

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said it, for the first time, out loud, in conversation.   A conversation about my son. REGRET. I
hate that word.   HATE.   It creates a thunderstorm in my body.   Pressure builds behind my eyes, inside my
head, my throat, my gut.   And I want to
throw it ...

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"Adoption Talks" Link Up
participating in a blog link up entitled “Adoption Talks.”   Since I haven’t been writing as much as I’d
like too, this gives me an incentive. And since I'm coming to the table a bit late, I'm going to keep it short and sweet. My
name is Candace. I’m
a ...

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really hard to develop an intimate relationship with someone after they’re
gone.   And as a birthmother, even one with a strong sense
of self-esteem, I can’t help but question my “right” to want this relationship.   I have to pointedly talk myself thro...

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Default Setting
busy season is upon me, with spring and change in the air.   I seem to be spending almost as much time
trying to pull my thoughts together as I am getting any work done, but at the
end of the day I can see progress – thanks to well thought out to-do lis...

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Cherish Everything
I’ve been able to think about him without crying, even talk about him without
crying. Well,
sometimes… It
amazes me: the tears seem to be self-replicating.  They just never seem to
run out.  However, they are less insistent.  Less like a waterfall...

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Heroes & Dragons
"If you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes."  ~ Andrew Solomon I recently heard this in my new favorite podcast.  I wanted to share it since it is resonating with me on many levels.

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Good Bye to a Friend
lost a friend this past week, a friend who was also a mentor and role
model.   Although she was elderly, it was
completely unexpected, and I'm feeling shocked.   She was a long time member of my community, but I really only got to
know her over the past f...

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From Nothing to Something
There were many
times as a child and young adult I just felt nothing .   This is a skill; a skill I cultivated long ago.   I learned to remove myself from the here and
now and go to a grey, dull place.   A
place where there literally is nothing.   Many peop...
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