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Christa Dunn
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Christa Dunn

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My three year old son passed away less than 1-1/2 years after being diagnosed with bilinear leukemia- a rare form of leukemia that causes both AML and ALL mutation of the cells. Within hours of the diagnosis, we were life-flighted to the nearest Children's Hospital- several hours from our home. My three older children quickly joined us, unaware that we would spend the next year living together in the small hospital room my baby was isolated in for the following year. A single mom with another child who suffers from severe physical, mental & emotional disabilities- I was unable to find another reliable and safe option for my older children. And I certainly couldn't leave my sick and terrified two year old in the hospital alone. So we made the best of what we had, believing that ultimately, we would be able to return home with our beloved baby boy- healthy and in remission.

A year later, we did finally return home with our little man, but he wasn't healthy and he wasn't in remission. He was dying, and there wasn't a darn thing any of us could do about it. We went to Disneyland and saw the Blue Man group in Vegas. Little man could no longer walk, and had a morphine pump hidden in his little backpack as I pushed him around in his stroller to see his favorite characters. One week after returning home from our final trip, he died in his daddy's grief-stricken arms. November 3, 2009. He would be eight years old now. But in my heart and mind, he will be forever three. And although the years have passed, I've found myself becoming more and more isolated. Angry that the rest of the world didn't stop when mine did. Unable to find anyone who understands or that I'm willing to really talk to. I just pretend I'm ok- but I'm so not ok. I miss my baby boy so much. I see his face & relive the night I held his lifeless body and weaped- every single night- in my dreams. I keep waiting to see some sign that gives me some peace- as I have heard so many others speak of. But I have yet to experience anything like that. I fear that I am depriving my three other beautiful children of the mom they so badly deserve and need- after all, they lost their brother and miss his terribly as well. But I think that by isolating myself from the world, I have inadvertently inhibited my ability to truly grieve and heal. So that's my story. Sorry for dropping so much onto whoever reads this, but I needed to say it to someone, anyone. And when I saw this group, I figured you would likely be able to understand better than anyone else. So thank you for giving me this opportunity.
Susan HeadInMyHands's profile photoChrista Dunn's profile photoAmber Chandler's profile photo
Christa, my therapy is to write. I started a blog with the journal I kept during my son's year of leukemia.
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Christa Dunn

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Relaxing on a beach in Florida while on my three year old son's Make-A-Wish trip before he passed away. 
Stay at home mommy & wife
anything I put my mind to!
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Wife, Mommy, and everything in between!
I live with my hubby (Brad) and three kiddos (Jeniffer-13, David-12, & Brennan-11) in beautiful Western Colorado. Currently I stay at home with my kids but hope to restart my professional career sometime next fall (after kids are back in school!) So for now, the kids and I are enjoying this opportunity to just "hang" until I go back to work... for the first time in years!
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