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Philip “Mole” Rowney
2,770 followers -
Purple Preferring Polemic Polymath Pirate (Cyber specialist: Flotsam, Jetsam, Lagan 'n' Derelict)
Purple Preferring Polemic Polymath Pirate (Cyber specialist: Flotsam, Jetsam, Lagan 'n' Derelict)

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[ ed ] Fragmented, Uninformed and victims of 'echo chambers'!

On the #MSM in the UK, I waste little time listening to their #microOpinions but rather look at the broad strokes, as a media channel it was the only one set up with the remit of #mildDistruption ...

...and I like Jon Snow [ and Dan come to that, real people IMHO ]

#whatsIt ?

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When it came to me I was in London 150 Minories, 4th floor, UniSoft Ltd and it was fucking horrible, I didn't have the cash to just fuck off to France and hide, I had to keep doing the 2 hour commute whilst all the time getting worse and worse and worse...

...doctors sent me to anger management...

...gave me anti-depressants...
A year later I was driving a van, delivering parcels [ King of Queens style ] because I didn't have to stay with people more than 30 seconds if I didn't trust/like them...

I have still had no clear diagnosis after trying to tell the doctor the problem for 19 years and getting no-where can make a man a little worn-the-fuck out...

The rest is in another post in this collection.

I got a bus to catch...

#manicDepression #BiPolar

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The thing is....
















...'I' met 'me' 5 years ago and 'I' told 'me'


'YOU DO NOT GET TO CHOOSE YOUR TIME, THAT END IS WRITTEN ALREADY...'

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WARNING: MAY CONTAIN REAL LIFE IN THE FUCKING RAW







YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Some know I suffer from ASD [ Aspergers ] and Bipolar, others just think I'm a cunt, either way I suffer for the mind I carry and my doctors kicked me out for having a 'meltdown' in a private room at the surgery 5 days after they recommended I join an Autism study which they get paid for each joinee.

I still have no GP and having some corrective surgery on my hand was cancelled for a few days, but, the Specialist knows me and has cut me 2 x before...

The only medication I have been offered are the dolly mixture Serotonin fuckers, they make me want to kill myself more!!!

So, it's stolen Cancer meds and street drugs for now, unless they cut off the other 60% of my benefit. At which point I become a prisoner as a Homeless person cannot be on probation I am told, so I get 6 months in prison...

Never in my life have I had to fight people physically, in prison I'd just be meat, want they won't get about this meat is it's all fucking Simian when it gets scared, I will smash my fucking hands to a pulp on the face of the first fucker that looks like he's aiming for me, right or wrong, then you will have someone to write the book that will be title #BronsanToo because I'm a slippery fucker and if you give me a 'script' I will read to the end, doing the things that are written even though not in my nature, I'm not there, Philip's not home, please call back later, or, conversely come on in and listen to me fuck your head up and make you sicker than I, at that point I will write #MansunToo ...


... yup it's a fucking tough time being a high genius with Autism and BiPolar living in a shitty little Tory held constituency [ think of poor as dirty Trum voters, they gonna get fucked in the arse, hard!!! ] with no social services to mention, I have to 'bus' to probation, I have to 'bus' to my drug councillor [ checks clock, bus in 1 hour ] to a town that I really don't like at all...

I'm an excellent driver, I drive slow on the driveway

I dunno, is it worth it, the only people here that will actually give a single flying fuck about my plight will be the ones that are too far away to look me in the eye and say 'keep strong'...


...very well meaning people are around me here...

My own family offer me so little support and I live with a mother who's more Autistic than I and she triggers me all the time, just yesterday I threatened her with a wheelie-bin because she insulted me, I said she had and she just kept on talking, I said, you need to stop, I am triggered, she kept it up and I had to manifest my anger [ the Simian was rising ] in some way, so it started with shouting, she would not shut up, then I kicked her bike over and said get on that and fuck off [ she has been staying at my dads for months leaving me alone ] then I got the bin, then I put it down...

...more shouting, she threatens me with the Police...

...I ask her if she asked me to 'move home' just to get me locked up in prison...

AT EVERY SINGLE TURN IN THE CONVERSATION I GAVE HER TIME TO ANSWER THE ASKED QUESTIONS AND SHE JUST KEPT ON WITH HER POV NO ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AT ALL AS IF I WERE SOME PETULANT CHILD SHE COULD EXERT AUTHORITY OVER... THAT'S FUCKING INSULTING ON TOP OF THE INSULT SHE GAVE ME THAT STARTED THE WHOLE FUCKING BARNY, MAD COW!


I'm also sad/angry about the death of 2 guys I really 'got' when it came to how they make statements, I'm bang between them both in age!!!!

#suicideIsPainLess

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This one must have watched me yesterday. All is lessons.
To reject your aggression is a weakness ~ Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche
http://justdharma.com/s/web69

As a Buddhist, you have been taught that aggression is generally considered to be a negative emotion. Therefore your immediate reaction to any aggressive tendency or thought that arises in your mind will be to reject it. And you reject it because you are in love with your “self,” which makes you an egoist. As an egoist, you do not want aggressive feelings or jealousy or any of the other negative emotions to spoil your chances of becoming renowned as a “good” Buddhist. Yet according to the greater view offered by the bodhisattvayana, to reject your aggression is a weakness. To reject the bad and only accept the good shows that you are still stained by the clinging to self that we call “ego.” Instead, when a bodhisattvayana practitioner notices his/her aggressive emotions, he/she should think, “Aggression is really bad! But I am not the only one who suffers from it — all sentient beings do! So, may I take on the aggression, jealousy and pride of all sentient beings.” From a relative point of view, what happens when you take on the pens when you take on the suffering of others in this way? Fundamentally, you go against the wishes of your ego. So, if your ego wants to be the holiest and most sublime of all beings so it can boast it has no desire or jealousy, this is exactly the practice you need to do to oppose and resist it. By continually applying it, the ego becomes smaller and smaller until finally it has nowhere to live.

– Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche

from the book "Not for Happiness: A Guide to the So-Called Preliminary Practices"
ISBN: 978-1611800302 - http://amzn.to/17Vw76H

Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche on the web:
http://www.siddharthasintent.org/
http://khyentsefoundation.org
http://deerpark.in
http://lotusoutreach.org
http://84000.co
http://dzongsar.justdharma.com


Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche biography:
http://www.rigpawiki.org/index.php?title=Dzongsar_Khyentse_Rinpoche
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He keeps on until the bitter end...


Bless you Henry __/|\__

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#healthyBacteria

'...The weird thing is though, after the microbiome changes and after the taste has reset, I do not crave donuts, I do not crave pizza, I do not crave ice-cream or hamburgers...'



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Is still waiting for the buffering to catch up, fucking SKY broadband...

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This one has a particularly sharp mind.
Finding True Meaning ~ 17th Karmapa
http://justdharma.com/s/kmi3k

There is great transformative power in the act of discovery. No founder of any religion was a follower. The Buddha became the Buddha because he discovered important truths for himself. Many remarkable people following within his tradition also came to that understanding themselves. The same is true of the founders and remarkable followers of every other major world religion. Each brought forth new insights and understanding. Everyone is capable of that; you just need the right conditions. Joining a religion or studying its wisdom can be one of those conditions. But I have studied Buddhist philosophy for over a decade, and I can tell you that such study is not sufficient in order to find true meaning. Only if your own understanding is rooted profoundly within will you be able to awaken spiritually. Only you can understand your life and find its deepest meaning.

– 17th Karmapa

from the book "The Heart Is Noble: Changing the World from the Inside Out"
ISBN: 978-1611800012 - http://amzn.to/13mp0W4

17th Karmapa on the web:
http://kagyuoffice.org
http://kagyu.org
http://kagyumonlam.org
http://rumtek.org
http://karmapa.justdharma.com


17th Karmapa biography:
http://kagyuoffice.org/karmapa/
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I live with my mum at 47 and because my entire life won't fit in a 10ft x 12ft room she calls me a hoarder.

As a broken down, burnt out 'city' coder with addiction problems I think all my belongings would fit in a transit van...


...which one of us is talking shite, really, let me know?!?!?!

This is not what my room looks like, 60% of my floor space is visible!
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