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Kimberly Chapman
40,503 followers -
Official Sucromancer of the Realm
Official Sucromancer of the Realm

40,503 followers
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I am a cranky, liberal, intersectional feminist who has no time for bullshit. Do not comment with unsolicited advice, 'splaining, derailments, unnecessary pedantry, bigotry, come-ons, or other assorted crap in my space. All such comments are at risk of deletion without warning, bitingly expletive-laden retorts, and/or blocking.

I owe you nothing. Freedom of speech is not a mandate to be heard.

Now if you can behave, come on in because there's cake and snark and geeklove.

I used to have several opt-in notify circles but G+ killed that. I do not run collections because they have poor functionality that I'm not going to rehash here.

Now that G+ doesn't let me see if a given person has me in circles or not - a sure-fire way to identify drive-by trolls - and has taken away my ability to limit comments to Extended Circles, all while still failing to grant users reasonable methods of controlling trolls, I have decided to set my posts to circles only for commenting. I'm just too tired to deal with endless bigots and bullshit. I apologize if this means nice people I don't have in circles can't comment anymore, but I'm just tired of it.

In fact I'm getting really sick of G+ in general and posting on FB more (https://www.facebook.com/kim.chapman.96199). FB is evil, but functional. G+ is broken unless you're a straight white guy.

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Finding Gaia
Finding Gaia
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I hate FB. I do.

But I had to concede to it awhile back when G+ just became too toxic for me as a woman, and frankly because it's where my cake community and my local community peeps all were.

My fields are dominated by women and women were never treated well here on G+. I tried to get legions of women into G+, and was even on the cusp of getting a conference full of mom entrepreneurs on here via Hangouts, and then Google did the typical Google thing of breaking Hangouts for a couple of weeks just before the conference and that scared them off. And over the years when I've mentioned that, too many men have said shit like, "We don't want a bunch of mom bloggers on here anyway," because misogyny and elitism have always been woven into the fabric of G+.

At every turn, my brand evangelism was undermined by G+/Google itself, and I grew weary of bothering.

At every opportunity of attracting the types of groups of influencer women that actually make a social media platform, G+ failed. Other than a couple of staffers, they routinely displayed fake concern but then went behind closed doors and made decisions that hurt that demographic, most notably putting a 4chan dude in charge. And when the good staffers left, the staff left behind thought it funny to make jokes about women's safety online and even "joked" about their ability to pull our accounts if we kept questioning them. Haha. Super funny.

So I switched to FB, like so many other women in my social group before me. I gave up. FB might be a wretched hive of scum and villainy but at least it is consistently that so you can be on your toes. G+ pretends to be different, hides behind that "don't be evil" slogan, and then lies and manipulates women into sticking around to be the fodder for socially awkward men who abuse women. OH SORRY RIGHT WE CAN'T CALL THAT OUT, THAT WOULD BE A "WITCH HUNT". G+ staff routinely used a term pertaining to the actual slaughter of women to defend why men should keep being able to routinely harass women. Chew on that...because too many of us got sick of chewing on it so we went to FB where the misogyny is at least out in the open. Because there is no social space for women that is both safe and thriving (oh I know there are itty bitty little things here and there, but not thriving in the way that makes sense for large communities of people who need to communicate on a blended personal-professional level like I do, like so many women do in the types of careers that tend to be female-dominated).

FB sucks, but it consistently sucks. G+ pretended to accommodate and then didn't. FB is an abuser, G+ is a gaslighting abuser.

And it was only a matter of time before Google pulled the plug because it was never their focus. Over and over again when we the users requested features, requested security, requested thread management, requested so many things that would help us use and evangelize this space, we were told we couldn't have that for this, that, or the other reason. Even as other social networks offered it.

When I switched to FB, my life got easier. It's easier for me to decide I'm done with drama for the day and close FB and not have it follow me around to email, Maps, search, and elsewhere online. I had to learn to ignore that 99+ red dot from G+ for my own mental health, but FB is something I can close after dinner and ignore until the next morning. On FB, thread management tools make it easier for me to deal with problematic people. I'll concede that FB is missing one thing that G+ does better: the ability to shut down comments on a post. That is the single thing G+ does better in terms of being able to communicate while controlling responses in a way that is safer for marginalized groups and for letting people pause conversations so they can go to bed without waking up to a mess.

But unfortunately the differences aren't just technical. My social circles on G+ are mostly men, especially after so many of my women friends left here after sustained harassment G+ did squat all about. My FB social groups are mostly women, in part because of the G+ refugees but again in part because my real life professional and personal friends skew female and they're all on FB, not G+. And by golly what a difference it makes! I mean yeah, I still have to deal with the occasional Trumpie fucknugget moron on FB. I still have to deal with white women who don't understand or appreciate intersectionality and spew a lot of privileged garbage that needs serious correcting and/or removal from my space. But you know what I hardly ever get in my space on FB? Mansplaining. Nerdsplaining. Pedantry. Whinging about the age of memes.

See on FB, in my social groups anyway, there's a culture of, "SQUEEEE I'VE SEEN THIS MEME BEFORE BUT I NEVER GET TIRED OF IT, I LOVE IT, THANK YOU FOR POSTING IT AGAIN YAYYAYAYAY!" On G+? "I posted this meme three years ago." or "I already posted this, you should give me credit." G+ became the land of constant downers on my joy. Why would I keep posting to that?

On FB I can post, "I let Peo watch her first episode of this science fiction series tonight and it was awesome!" and my friends there are all, "Yay, welcome Peo to this nerd club, you're going to love it!" and "Good job nerdy mama!" On G+ I post that same thing and several white male nerds will immediately quiz me about have I let her also see and read this list of items? When will I show her this other part? No no no, I should have started with this other thing first. And worst of all, they think they're being friendly and conversational and no matter how often I ask them to stop with that shit, they do it again and again. It's gatekeeping. It's rude. It's not friendly. It's not welcoming. It's a constant way of establishing nerd dominance in someone else's space and I really got fucking tired of it. I told you all so many times, and then I'd come back and post something again and you'd do it again and I just......left.

FB sucks.

G+ has sucked a lot worse for a long time for many people, and if you're already typing a kneejerk, angry response to this post, you're proving my point about why I didn't want to be here anymore. Also kind of don't bother because I only ever come here every few months so I won't read what you have to say in a timely manner. I considered shutting off comments on this post to avoid those of you who will feel the need to lecture me about how great G+ is, but then I decided to leave some rope for all y'all to hang yourselves with and the few good people I actually care about talking to can post a way they'd like to keep in touch. But I'm not joining another network so...yeah, sorry. Email or FB it is.

G+ has been dying a slow death from the moment they broke their promises about giving a shit about my demographic's needs. I'm neither sad nor surprised to see it take a final swan dive.

I'd say come friend me on FB if you want to talk but honestly, probably anyone who wants to talk to me without being a jerk probably already has. I mean if you're thinking, "I'm not a jerk, I'll friend you on FB" fine, go for it, but be aware that I will boot your ass if you 'splain at me, if you gatekeep me, if you nag me, if you belittle me, or if you do that to my friends in my space. I'm not having it over there. Dealing with men on G+ broke me for giving a shit about men's feefees on social media anymore, and after what my friends and I have emotionally dealt with over these last few weeks with SCOTUS, I have no fucks left to give about any of it.

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Robin had a really, really rough day.

Not.

#startafoundation #forchildrenwhoateallthesweeties
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Still love this pic from Robin's 1 year birthday party where she's glaring at Peo for silly singing...bahahahhaahahah....
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So is it even possible to search your own posts anymore?

Used to be able to enter a search term and then use a pull-down menu to select various options like posts from you or posts from your circles.

I can't find that and I can't find the post I'm looking for.

Every day I find a new reason to abandon G+, I swear.

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EPIC LEVEL URBAN SURVIVAL SKILLS.

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This is fucked up. Anyone of any gender who tampers with birth control/STD prevention without the full consent of their partner(s) should be convicted of a crime. That's not okay, not ever, not even a little bit.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/inside-the-online-community-of-men-who-preach-removing-condoms-without-consent_us_58f75eb2e4b05b9d613eb997

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Robin: I no like pee pee.

Me: But you have to do pee pee in the loo.

Robin: No, I no like pee pee any more.

Me: Well I hate to tell you, kiddo, but you're going to be making pee for the rest of your life.

Robin: NO.

Me: Um. Yes.

Robin: I NO LIKE IT.

Me: But your body makes pee pee all the time.

Robin: NO I ONLY LIKE DANCE.

And now she's dancing around the kitchen singing about how much she loves dancing and music, twirling in the white-and-purple-ragged-hem dress Kyla bought for Peo and is now Robin's favourite because it is the "dancing dress".

This is reminding me of when Peo was potty training and stopped when she got her cake reward and when I told her she'd have to go potty for the rest of her life she was so pissed off.

But I guess Robin can't be pissed since she's officially boycotting pee pee...

#parenting

PS She's not going to be tyrannized by her bladder. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIAKFfZhNAc
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