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Jonathan Mogensen

Be American and celebrate your freedom by doing something incredibly stupid and dangerous today.

Spaghetti recipes never call for dropping half the raw noodles on the floor, but I do it anyway.

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There, I did it. I killed winter. You're all welcome.

A conversation with my teenager:

Me - "'Give a hoot, don't pollute,' that's what Woodsy Owl says."
Her - "Who's Woodsy Owl?"
Me - "He's the pollution version of Smokey the Bear." 
Vacant stare
Me - "Smokey says 'Only you can prevent forest fires.'"
Her - "Never heard of him either."
Me - "He's the fire prevention version of McGruff the Crime Dog."
Staring even more vacantly (if that's possible)
Me - "He taught us to 'Take a bite out of crime.'"
Her - "Sheesh, I guess kids in your day only had whatever common sense they learned from talking animals."

And now I care just a little less about what condition I leave the planet in for this generation.

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Every time our bearded dragon climbs up on his rock I think, "He looks like he's doing his version of the 'Little Mermaid' pose." 

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This is exactly why I love and hate Facebook.

I'm not saying I AM Batman. I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman at the same time.

Wishing the Bro ahead of me was as interested in driving as he is in checking himself out in the rear view mirror.
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