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David Caven
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41 followers
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Draft One
Dear American People, As the personal and intimate care physician of one Donald J. Trump, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you all that I have no doubt that this man is unequivocally the healthiest individual to ever be elected to the presidenc...
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Lessons Learned
What would Cliff Huxtable do? Presented with a situation in which his father (for dramatic purposes) had been convicted of a serious crime (sexual assault for realistic purposes), what would the America's Top Sweater Model say? To his family? To his friends...
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Slow Walking Makes Sense In A Swamp
There has been quite the hue and cry coming from the White House recently over the pace at which new members of the administration are being confirmed, or not, but "obstructionist" Democrats. It would be worth noting at this point that our previous presiden...
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Where There's Smoke
I was sitting on my back deck, having lunch with my wife and mother in law, when I detected a scent of burning weeds. Weed, actually. "It smells as if someone is exercising their mandated rights," I said, to the initial mystification of my luncheon companio...
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Get Off My Back
I am reasonably certain that I sleep on my stomach because I am trying to stay off my back. It is a leftover instinct I carry with me from my wrestling days. When I reference my "wrestling days," I am calling to mind a period of three months in my eighth an...
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Upon Which We Build
Emo Phillips used to do a bit about how disappointed he was when he finally met his mother's friend whom she described as a "cat person." Just a normal person who happened to own a lot of cats? No fangs? Not even whiskers? I have had a similar reaction many...
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Fifty-Fifty
I had a brush with fame on the day my buddy got married on Long Island. We were standing on the curb outside his building in Manhattan, waiting to pile into a half dozen different vehicles for the ride out to the wedding site, when a tiny old lady tottered ...
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Live With It
Sometimes news stories land close enough together in the croquet game we call "life" that it bears noting. Last week, Walter Moody Jr. was executed in Alabama. He was put to death for the murders of federal judge Robert Vance and  civil rights lawyer Robert...
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Worthless And Weak
Over? Did you say
"over?" Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? This is just a sampling
of the detritus that floats around my head on any given day. It is the stuff
that sometimes substitutes for conversation between my wife and I, especially
wh...
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It's Just A Game
So, imagine that you're a basketball fan in the deep-red corner of Texas, and you want to root for your team in the playoffs. The Dallas Mavericks have packed it in, so that leaves the San Antonio Spurs. This is a team that has made it to the NBA post seaso...
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