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Kenneth Noisewater
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The Captain Costco Kid
While I'm pushing Baby Erik in a shopping cart into my local Costco  today I see a family of four coming in as well. They consisted of a father, a mother, a son dressed in every day little kid clothes . . . and then another boy in a full God damned Captain ...

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The other day I went for a swim at gym location and time that was strange to me, and it turns out that is the time when all of the older (perhaps retired) people use the pool. Few were swimming. Most were walking laps up and down. When I stopped on my end t...

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Two Random Weird-Ass Topics After a Month Off of Blogging? The Balls On This Guy!
1. Too Much Empathy Ruins Childhood Programming for Young Boy in Chicagoland Area Some of you may know this, but I work with kids for a living. This may come as a surprise if you have read older blog posts from my crazier days, but you'll just have to take ...

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1. Here is the vicious cycle I go through when I'm watching my son during the day and he won't fall asleep for a nap: "Jesus, Lord would you just go the F to sleep already! I can't take this crying any more. Even if you just sleep for 30 minutes, I know lik...

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I got a text the other morning that a friend and coworker of mine, Cesar, was mugged. There are two types of muggings. 1. The one where you hand over all your belongings and no one gets hurt. 2. The horrific and traumatizing kind. My friend had a Number Two...

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I saw my good friend, Oates, at a Super Bowl party. It had been a long time since I had seen him. He is that guy who gets a girlfriend and then completely disappears, and he has demonstrated that it is a consistent pattern in all three of the committed rela...

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Roll Call
Okay, let's get after a blog in the moments this kid takes a nap. So a package arrived recently that was covered in Chinese writing, and the only English on there was my address and my son's name. As I opened the package I noticed that it was expanding. A g...

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Jibber Jabberer At the Gym and a Totally Unrelated Funny Story
I was at the gym today on the treadmill, and there was a woman next to me talking to someone on the phone while she was working out. Now, this is okay if: Q: 1. Was it an important call or a business call? A: Almost certainly not because she was laughing lo...

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Dr. Ken Turns 40
Well, it's my 40th birthday today, so I figured I might as well do a blog post. I have the day off of work, and I'm spending it with my 4-month-old little buddy, Erik. The only thing I had to get done today was drive out to Toys R Us and Carter's to return ...

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Baby Erik's Birth Story
I wanted to sit down and write the story about the day Mrs. Noisewater gave birth to Baby Erik because I thought it would be cool to have it all on record to look at years down the line. Two months have gone by, and I'm finally sitting down to write it. I f...
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