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Amber Peterson
Inside the mind of a single, inspired, strong, fun-loving mother/student <3
Inside the mind of a single, inspired, strong, fun-loving mother/student <3

Amber's posts

The kids are driving me bonkers today!!! Destroying the house as always after coming home from their dad's. I suppose it didn't help that I'm not feeling 100% and just wanted to sleep all day long. I am pretty sure that I am severely close to throwing every single toy they own into the dumpster. I am so sick of picking up after them time after time. I would expect my youngest to not always pick up after himself but my oldest began cleaning up his own room when he was just a year and a half old. Therefore, there is no reason why he shouldn't be able to do it now. I think the only thing holding me back from throwing out all of their stuff is the fact that what I bought for them is more than things bought....and the things given to them as gifts aren't just things either...I value the things they have been given by me or otherwise. But I am being 100% honest when I say that I am just sick of being a maid to kids who are perfectly capable of cleaning up their own messes. So something has got to change or I am going to lose my mind, and probably will end up throwing their toys away or at least hiding them.

Want to take a second and say that I am all about cleansing my soul and mind from all of the craziness that can cause some haziness, hence the reason for starting this blog. I can basically guarantee that there will be poetry posted along with photos, videos, and most definitely rantings. I can't promise that I won't use fowl language because that would be a promise I would break. The things I say may offend you or touch you but either way the chances that you will be touched or moved in some way are pretty high. With that being said....Hi I'm Amber and welcome to my life!!

The Empty Space

There's an empty space in my bed next to mine.
When night falls and my head rests, I envision you there.
I imagine staring into your eyes and admiring your smile
As your fingers trace my face and run through my hair.
I feel the heat of your body as your skin touches mine.
My eyes grow heavy and fall, as I drift to sleep .
When my eyes open there is once again just an empty space.
We share the same moon and stars, yet I cannot take your hand in mine.
I hold on only to the words fallen from your lips and pray they are true.
Somehow you found a way into my heart without my eyes ever meeting yours.
And here I am hanging by a thread waiting for something, waiting for anything.
As unexplainable as it may be your words can bring a smile to my face,
Light to my eyes, and a flutter to my heart.
Just as easily as the lack there of can bring tears to my cheeks,
Pain to my chest, and confusion to my thoughts.
There is little to be said about how this came to be.
However, what you I can say is definite is you have a hold on me.
I took in your words and grew weak with each one spoken,
As a result they've taken apart my walls piece by piece.
You've now seen me stripped bare and left vulnerable.
You have been given the power to lift me up or bring me down.
And while each and every detail scares me completely,
I can't stop myself from desiring every bit of it, no matter the consequence.
Its much like that of the rose;
While its petals are breathtakingly sweet
Its thorns can be as equally painful should they pierce the skin.
Yet that does not stop its alluring beauty from capturing one's eye.
Much like the rose you have captured me.
And no matter what caution I tell myself,
I cannot stop chasing the idea of you.
As the night's stars glisten I wish there was a way for you to understand
And I wonder what you you would say if you did.
I wonder if you could take me to a place I've never been,
To feel something I've never known.
Would you let yourself get lost in me?
Would you see my faults, accept them, and love me in spite of them?
Would you love me at all?
So many questions and feeling the stars don't have answers for.
And all I can do is lay down next to the empty space beside mine,
Envision you there beside me staring into my eyes,
Admiring my smile as my fingers trace your face.
Bringing your lips closer to mine just as my eyes grow heavy and I drift to sleep.

Edward's Poem

Sometimes when I look at you I swear I can see a halo,
only occasional glimpses but I know its there.
You truly are my little angel.
Sent by God to save your brother and I,
to watch over us and shield us from harm.
Such a big job for such a small child,
but you served your purpose before ever gracing us with your beautiful face.
I do not have much to offer for repayment,
but what I can give is greater than any form of currency known to man and that is love.
I can give you my heart and soul, pick you up when you fall, teach you to be kind,
and to believe in something greater than yourself.
I can teach you to leave your footprints on people's hearts
and enjoy each sunrise as if it were your last.
And there will come a day when God will call his angel back to Him
but until that day you will reside in my care and there will never be a day that you do not reside in my heart.
I am your mother and you are my son.
And I can promise that I will always cherish every smile, hug, tear, kiss,
and every single moment that I am blessed to have you in my life.
I can promise to do my best to shield you from hurtful things, to cheer the loudest for your accomplishments,
and let you discover life on your own.
I promise that you always be safe in my arms because I will always and forever love you.
And with each breath I take you will never go a day without knowing for certain that I love you completely.
Thank you for being my son for I am truly honored to be your mother. 

The Life She Leads

Tears flow like rivers from her eyes
How could someone she loves bring her this pain she feels inside?
The pain he inflicts leaves wounds on her soul
A burning inside, not even a mother could console
The girl he once loved has been brought to her knees
As he raises his fist she begs “No please”
Drowning in torture her heart argues with her mind
Conflicted by the love she has for him and horror she survives
Her heart is broken, her thoughts are jaded
Her self-worth depleted, her bruises slightly faded
Where is the girl with dreams and ambition?
The one who held her heart has brought her into submission
With his twisted thoughts and wicked eyes
He pulled her in and caught her by surprise
She fell hard and fast for a man who she thought would love her more
Soon she comes to question if he loved her more than dirt on the floor
Overwhelmed she questions her entire existence
Her confusion grows with his persistence
To stay and love him forever
She thinks to herself “How very clever”
How very clever of a man who desires control
To tug at the very place that is his strongest hold
Deep inside she knows what is right
But desperate for a miracle hangs on tight
This ride that she is on is killing her from the inside out
She knows this with no doubt
But how can she just walk away from a marriage of three years?
How can she close her eyes and hide the tears?
Can she take a deep breath and hang on through this rough terrain?
She knows that the scars that are embedded on her soul will forever remain
A memory of the tears, the control, the names, the abuse, the pain
Each time replays in her head like a movie showing her the shame
Shame she feels inside for just sitting back and letting it happen
This loss of self control, for this vessel she is no longer the captain
It is he, the one who took over her body, mind, and soul
If he wanted control, he achieved his goal
The beautiful vibrant woman he once knew does not live here
She lives in a dark, wicked, beastly place called fear
Starving for light she looks to the sky
Seeing nothing but night she beings to cry
Seeming lost forever in this world with no escape
A life in this hell she begins to anticipate
She runs towards the hands that reach out to aid her
Reaching desperately but slipping through their fingers with despair
This is the life she leads
This life that has caused her body and soul to bleed
A far cry from the fantasy she envisioned
When she said “I do” and was unknowningly imprisoned

These Walls Built

Again my soul aches as my heart breaks
For the one I love most has caused me much pain and my heart he still does take
There is something deep inside that I cannot evade
Something so terrifying that in order to hide it I will keep up this charade
There is a part of me that so deeply wishes to express these feelings that have to hide
It’s not something I have done wrong, it’s not easy to conceal, and it has nothing to do with pride
I have created this wall out of self protection
And after so strongly despising my own reflection
I hate the person that he has made me become
I hate me so much that I have forced myself to become numb
Numb him and to any feelings that may be underlying
In order to save myself from further hatred and then denying
I know what would happen if I let myself feel the things that I hold deep within my soul
My hopes and faith would mislead my better judgment, and pain would take its toll
For I have been down this empty road called “Hope” many a time
Praying for that miracle that I never seem to find
So I hold these things deep inside to protect my heart from further breaking
This desire I have to protect my heart, body, mind, and soul is so strong I am literally shaking
My walls are completely built up around every part of me
There is not one place or one spot where anyone can see
I will not let anyone see what my mind tells my heart to fear
I will keep it locked away, hidden, and so very near
If he sees he will take advantage of these things that could hurt me so severe
To put it more clearly the pain I would feel could destroy a continent in one single tear
There are parts of me that sometimes wish I could express what I feel
But then the other parts say if you do he’ll never know the pain you feel is unbearably real
So here I sit locked inside my own confusion
Wondering if this security I have built is a crazy, pointless delusion
I wonder if my emotions will get the best of me
When it’s his face I can feel and see
These things I feel deep inside scare me to death
But there they are haunting me each day with my every single breath
Each breath I take to push them further down, only brings them back up when I push the air out
I cannot silence them completely this I know without a doubt
But damn it I will try until there is no strength within
I will fight and I will do it all with a grin
Grins of satisfaction will cover my face for not letting him see
That he has gotten the best of me
Grins for not showing my weakness with these things I have hidden
For standing up for me and showing him this abuse on my mind, body and soul is forbidden
If I let these things come out he will not feel what he could be losing
He will simply think I will allow my mind, body, and soul this horrible bruising
That is something I can no longer allow
Because I have a son to care for and if I continue my life this way then, how
If I keep on hiding I hope he will see
The extent of the damage that he has caused to me
But not just me, to us, and our family as well
For that damage is the reason that we are where we are and aren’t at all doing remotely swell
If I were to tell him that the love I have for him runs through my veins
I will ultimately cause myself more pain
If I said I lay in bed alone and remember his touch on my face
Then between my walls and I there would be a small space
A space that would crack the walls I have built
The walls that could stop anymore tears from being spilt
If I said that I can still feels his hands in my hair even though he’s not present
A hole would develop that would be far from pleasant
I hole big enough that he could take me completely
And destroy me again ever so discreetly
I fear this destruction, this destruction I would be bound to see
Because I don’t think that I could live through picking up the pieces that are me.


Silently she gazes out into the moonlight.
The light breeze kisses her cheeks as she breathes in the night air.
This is the time when she is at peace.
Neither the stars nor trees pass judgement upon her.
They don't label her or look down at her,
the wind whispers sweet words in her ears and she smiles.
Her hearts beats slowly and she breathes calmly.
The silence of the dark nothing is soothing and inviting.
There is no other place where she feels this free.
Here she has no boundaries, no fears,
although not realistic in this moment alone she feels as though she could fly.
The stars and the moon she her for the true beauty that she holds within.
Her soul is her most preciously undefined beauty,
that little ave taken the time to bear witness to.
Her soul is all the night sees,
there is no need to dress make a good impression...none of that matters to the night.
The greatness she holds within surpasses the brightness of the moon
and can only be seen by the dwellers of the night.
As impressive as she may be the human eye doesn't seek the truth.
Human eyes see only the image that it wants
and while some would call her beautiful others would not ind her face pleasing.
Her heart has felt immense pain and joy.
She has cried and laughed,
and yet she longs for more than what most can offer her.
Most of what she seeks can only be found on her own accord,
the rest simply seems to be far beyond her reach.
So it is through the night that her comfort comes.
For the judgement of the simple minded bores her luminous light
and she is again searching aimlessly for something to compel her or stimulate her senses.
When the daylight returns she once again fades into the background of the scenery.
Those who do take the time to see beyond her face have played witness to her true beauty.
They have become drawn to her as if she were the shore and they the sea.
She has touched their soul with hers
and it is those whom she has touched that she remembers always.
It is those who like she have been engraved into her very being.
The human takes life and filters out its wants and desires,
and passes by the one thing it truly needs....LOVE.
There are those who have been open enough to realize this need is like that of air and water
and have embraced what their heart's truly long for.
It is those who have seen love and pain and death
that can appreciate the brilliance of one's soul as majestic as hers.
Although she is pained she is strong.
Her roots bring her to be as such.
Her heart dances like flowers in the summer breeze
and sings like birds at dawn's break, yet this is fact known by few.
Her gentle kindness is effortless
and few posses such genius.
Still she is undiscovered.

Untitled-Work In Progress

Blanketed by darkness, moonlight’s streams lay rest upon honey skin
Rhythmic breathing brings heavy lids to close gently
Peaceful slumber interrupted by an affectionate hand’s caress
Closed eyes lay wake to confusion as pursed lips slip slowly to mine
A trembling body welcomes sweet seduction igniting fire
Desiring hands slide through long silky locks and rest at neck’s nape
Contagious passion overtakes bodies as frenzied hands explore velvet skin
Tongues dance as fingers slowly interlace
Once rhythmic breathing quickens with fluttering hearts
Tender lips discover shoulder, neck, and ear
Aroused hands venture to find arms, waist, hips, and thighs
Laughter escapes playful lips briefly as bodies roll across disheveled sheets
Sensations tingling as heightened infatuation emerge
Hands clench ardor’s hair stimulatingly overwhelmed
Exposed skins unite as locked lips cease not
Sounds of pleasure escape love’s lips
Glistening beads of sweat roll from desire’s heated core
Erotic whispered words fall from tongues of tangled lovers
Delicate hands tightly clench sheets
Muscular arms embrace nude curves while strong hands grasp at sweet supple skin
Kisses depart lips and dissolve onto bare skin
Cadenced bodies move gracefully with one another
As blissful cries manifest deep between thighs and seep from tenderly kissed lips
Arms wrap lovers like ribbon as sleep approaches pleasured souls
My curious brown eyes open to kind green eyes with arms wrapped around an unclothed beauty in love
A beauty awoken to her perfect reality in the arms of her most coveted

Love's Bloom

What love grows from seeds unplanted?
Passion's rays nurture shy minds
Love's tears search for budding romance
Harsh seasons take toll on untrusting hearts
Desires push past boundaries remaining fragile
Longing hopes carry cautious thoughts
Damaged hearts desperate for repair
Saddened souls yearn to live
Bliss eludes those who wish it most
Doubtfulness fills minds of crushed dreams
Sweet serendipity  seems just out of reach for tortured hearts
Unnannounced kind green eyes pierce a fortress built
With stolen glances at opportune moments
Hushed whispers in rooms full
Subtle caresses upon unexpecting skin
Fluttering hearts aroused through sweet lips locked
Arms perfectly placed around curved bodies
Frenzied hands venturing to destinations unknown
Souls seemingly created for one another
Unite under uncontrollable passion
Hopeful hearts inhale scents so longed for
Skin pressed against skin
Mouth pressed against mouth
Heart pressed against heart
And love blooms.

On Infatuation's Knees

Haunted thoughts on a haunted mind,
Your beautiful smile, your kind eyes
With your cold shoulder, your back turned
Pieces fall from chest to floor,
Longing for what's there no more,
Once sobbing eyes too sore to weep,
Knees on cold hard concrete,
Asking, praying, begging to feel no more,
Memories teasing of what was there before,
Wanting, wishing, hoping for the hands once interlocked,
Searching for your kiss's taste,
Left in the dark wondering why,
Sleepless somber of dark night's sky,
Troubled heart, pieces lost,
A heart called naive for its eagerness,
A heart left longing for pictures painted,
By gentle hands of a man,
A man with silver-plattered happiness,
Thrown at enticed heart's feet,
A woman believing words slipped from sweet lips,
Believing exquisite embrace from infatuation's arms,
Let down by acts of magic,
Hopeful future's magic disappears,
Walks away without a trace,
Without goodbye,
Leaving nothing but the deafening echo of SILENCE...
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