The Saga of how I met Dave Peterson(formerly known as Leandro Jenkins)
So there he was all powerful, just standing looking at Stronev sleeping, he wants to wake him up without scaring him, he doesn't want to shake the shit out of him so Dave Peterson head butts the airplane, immediately knocking it over! Stronev wakes up like a pissed off Wolverine, walks over and licks Peterson's knee caps. Gorbachev is still sleeping, Peterson walks over and kicks him in the face, he is a grown man, and plus he is Russian, they love this kind of shit. Gorbachev rolls around, Dave grabs him by the hair and starts dunking his head in a puddle of water. He holds his head until Gorbachev stops kicking, pulls his face out and slaps him a few times. They do this for about 33 mins. Peterson finally stands him up, the thing about Russians is, they don't like doing things the easy way. They invented Vodka to keep themselves hydrated, this is their form of water, this was the way Gorbachev would be awakened by his mother. Gorbachev picks up his sledgehammer and they start walking towards the Berlin Wall.
The trio keeps walking, a bird has a stroke while flying and lands on Dave's shoulder, Peterson is devastated, he falls down to his knees and punches the ground, in North Carolina Dave Herwig is having trouble completing an exorcism, you see guys, back then when you joined the army, this was the test to see if you could jump out of airplanes. Dave Peterson's punch trembled the earth enough to get the demons out of this poor little girl named January, she also got a nasty case of diarrhea, she projectiled her poopy everywhere except on Dave Herwig, perhaps that's why his nickname was Dave the Bullet Dodger, but more on that when I was in Vietnam. Dave the Bullet Dodger is successful with his exorcism, so now they begin training him on how to jump out of the sky. Dave Peterson is crying so hard he is causing erosions in Germany, but he doesn't care, Gorbachev hits him in the face with the sledgehammer and they have the most amazing monologue ever witnessed in the history of monologues by mankind.
GORBACHEV: Hey Get up, we have a wall to knock down!
PETERSON: Yeah, you're right.
Both men get up and start walking towards the wall, Stronev is crawling on all fours, gets up and walks, he is changing it up just to keep his life interesting. This is where variety is invented, people would not do anything to change up their lives before this incident. They are soon surrounded by German soldiers, they don't say anything to each other, all of the soldiers are just having a staring contest with Dave Peterson, the last one to look away is a stupid looking one, this is 20 mins later, Dave has not blinked all of this time. Gorbachev sits down and fixes his shoes, they had a hole on the bottom of the sole. Stronev was bored, so Peterson began to sing this song, that you can all guess, he didn't copyright.
I Want to know what love is - Foreigner
Martians in space stop and look towards earth, they give us a moment of silence. Dave's voice is beautiful, the German soldiers are crying, some of them have even stripped down to their tighty-whities, it was quiet a sight, I am glad I was there. Stronev all of this time is slowly shaving a guys head, a lieutenant walks up and gives Dave a piggy back ride for a block almost. Dave jumps off of his back and starts walking on his hands and yells to the lieutenant.
PETERSON: Jump on my legs and I'll give you a ride to the wall, I have strong feet anyway.
LIEUTENANT: I'll use your legs like bicycle handle bars to guide you to the wall.
The lieutenant has his feet on Dave's armpits and is holding on to his feet, he is standing behind Dave, but on him. The lieutenant would pull Peterson's right foot back and push his left foot forward when he wants him to turn left. I hope this makes sense, they could have just both walked but that would be normal, Dave Peterson wanted some variety in his life. Gorbachev is carry Stronev in his arms like a little baby, Peterson is still singing "I want to know what love is" it didn't have a title back then, he was composing it as he sang it. He then remembered a song one of his good ol' friends taught him to play the bass on.
The Police - Every Breath You Take
That's right Sting and Dave, or should I say Leandro, went way back, The Police was playing at Leandro's wedding the day he left to go find his best man. Dave kept singing this song as he would play "Air Bass" Stronev was dancing he was moving his hips so hard, he was making a cold front. My god it was beautiful, it was like a song you did not want to end, so Dave didn't end it quickly, he sang it 5 more times. Gorbachev would use the sledgehammer to drum the beat, they were now at the wall, Gorbachev would hit different parts of the wall to get the different drum sounds. You know, bass drum, snare, crash and ride symbols, I don't want to get all scientific on y'all, y'all get my drift. Stronev would make the piano sound with his lips, he would hit his back and stomach to make the guitar sound, somehow Dave Peterson had acquired an upright bass like the one Sting is playing in the song, and of course Dave Peterson was singing. He even combed his hair and dressed up like Sting. The Germans had no idea they were supposed to protect the wall, the music was oh so good, they didn't care, Gorbachev hammers even harder if possible, when Peterson sings the part at 1:23,
PETERSON: "Since you're gone, I've been lost without a trace. . . ."
So much craziness was going on in the world, lions were friends with zebras, fish were living in the desert, gazelles were walking upright like humans, Fruit flies were living for months at a time. God Damn, Dave Peterson can sing. And the wall is completely knocked down by the time they are on the song the third time around.
To be continued, you are God Damn right it's gonna be continued, I haven't met him yet. . . . . .
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