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Jonathan Gransee
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In the continuing attempt to further explain emotions, and how they can determine how often you are able to achieve a sense of calmness, and a sense of being at peace, and also, how often you are able to end up in situations, or in relationships, that feel satisfying and synchronous with your personality, here are a few thoughts/rules:

Your feelings are immensely important.

In other words, just as important as anyone else's. By putting others' feelings at a higher level than your own, you diminish your own feelings, and thus sentence yourself to an experience of emotional confusion, anxiety, and depression. This is not to mean that you must diminish others' feelings; their feelings are important, as well. In situations in which the other persons' feelings are in opposition to your feelings, then you must find a way to resolve the dissonance without hurting yourself or others. If that is impossible, then you will need to make a decision about how to handle that particular situation, knowing that either you or they will have to suffer as a result, and then LEARN from that experience so that you do not put yourself in such a situation again. In such situations, it takes integrity and strength of character to resolve the situation by allowing the other person to prevail, and allowing your feelings to be submissive. However, if you keep doing that, over and over, you WILL become anxious and/or depressed, and eventually angry, so don't keep doing that. Usually, if you are in a situation in which your feelings are constantly taking second place, you need to either stop that from happening, if you can, and get the other person to give your feelings equal rights with theirs, or, if that is not happening because the other person is not the type to treat you fairly, then you will need to get out of that situation, or risk becoming someone you will not like; anxious, depressed, and angry...and potentially verbally aggressive, or even, if that is something you struggle with, physically aggressive.

What you feel is EXACTLY CORRECT!!

Feelings are not logical, or fair, or balanced, or in any way based on rationality. They are, after all, feelings. Feelings are a completely different 'animal' than thoughts. Some people confuse the two, but that is probably diagnostic, in itself, because that suggests that that person has never learned that feelings and thoughts are separate, and thus have been operating in a rather confusing environment in which thoughts and feelings are all intermingled and impossible to organize. So, if you can separate your thoughts from your feelings, then the point is: Your feelings are exactly correct...with a caveat: For you. Your feelings are exactly correct for you. You may be trying, now, to use logic to understand this point; don't. Logically, you can say your feelings are not 'right,' or 'correct,' or 'helpful, or 'useful' or 'appropriate,' etc...but those are all logical arguments against feelings, and do not apply, if you are working on the premise that your feelings are always correct. You cannot apply logic to emotions, if you are trying to understand and nourish your emotions, because we use logic to CONTROL or MANIPULATE or CHANGE emotions, usually. So, before you decide if you want to do any of those three things, first just start with the premise that your feelings are exactly correct...don't try to change them, or correct them, or squelch them, etc...they are just they way they are. Think of them as a little child inside of you, coming up to you and say "Daddy (or Mommy), I feel sad." Would you, to that child, tell them they should not feel sad? (I sure hope not...that shuts down their feelings). Or, would you want to understand why they felt sad? And would you want to comfort them? And would you want to try to help them through the situation, and maybe help them to avoid similar situations, or help them to get better at working through similar situations, whatever applies? If you would do that for that small child, then do the same for yourself. It is not correct to ask yourself how you can control or change your feelings, but rather, what is making you feel that way, and what that means, in terms of your life choices, or your path in life, or how whatever you are going through is affecting you.

No-one should tell you that your feelings are wrong, or silly, or incorrect, or stupid, etc etc. They are your feelings. If someone gets to the point that they are saying that to themselves, or saying that to another person, that means that you, or they, are in a situation in which they do not like the person, or at least do not like that part of the person that generated that feeling. It is a sign that the relationship may not be a good relationship, or at least a sign that the interactions in the relationship are not good for you, at that point. If those interactions can be changed, and you, or they, can reach a point that they respect AND nourish your feelings, then no problem. Otherwise, you are in trouble. And, if you are doing this to yourself, stop it! Imagine your feelings as that little girl, or little boy inside of you, and ask yourself if you would say that to them? If not, then don't do it to yourself.

YOU CAN PREDICT THE FUTURE

Your feelings, combined with your unconscious knowledge and awareness, is what we call your intuition. Your intuition senses what is the best path forward in your life...perfectly. Again, when I say perfectly, I do not mean perfectly in the sense of the path that will take you to the most powerful position in the history of mankind, or the richest position in the history of mankind, or the most famous position in the history of mankind, but rather the path that is the one that fits your personality, abilities, and character the best. Those two may be different...perhaps it is not in your future to the richest, or the most famous, or the most powerful, but if you force yourself to be on one of those paths, and it is not something that fits your personality, abilities, and character the best, it will be a miserable path, even if you do get somewhere on it. So, if you don't mind being miserable for the rest of your life, go for it...however, if you want to accomplish something that most people never do, and reach a point that you feel an overwhelming sense of inner peace and calmness that few achieve, in a way that almost feels as if you are high, then keep reading.

So how do you predict the future? Simple: Your intuition, if you are completely listening to it, and following its' lead, will tell you which path will work out well for you, and which will not. How does it do this? By causing a sense of well-being when you are on the correct path, and by causing a sense of discomfort, or confusion, or misery, when you are not on the correct path. It is akin to one of those metal finders, which tell you that you are getting closer to some buried treasure by making a different pitch of sound, or by getting louder, or by beeping faster, etc. When you are on the path that is right for you, you will feel good. When you are not, you will feel bad. If you are confused, then you are supposed to pause, and try to determine why you feel confused. And, you are not supposed to move forward on that path, or even move backward, until you figure out why you are confused.

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FACTS AND THOUGHS ON CHEATING At some point, after you
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Hope If there is one feeling, or one concept that is more important than most, or even the most important one, it would be HOPE.  If you think about it, hope is very necessary for a person to be able to go on, and the thing that is missing when someone give...

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What is Love? This is another in what may perhaps become a series on Love.  I think that our society, and perhaps other societies, have an idealized view of love, or promote an idealized view of love, that simply is not obtainable on a permanent basis.  In ...

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Do you have to like your spouse/lover? One of the things that I think psychology promotes, or at least many psychologists/mental health workers promotes, it the idea that you can dislike someone's behavior, but not the person.  That is something that is rep...

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Shame - Your Achilles Heel As you may recall, the Achilles Heel is that one vulnerability that you have that can, if triggered, or exploited, bring you to your knees, emotionally.  For some, it is shame.  For a person for which their Achilles Heel is shame,...

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What Is Love? It seems the word 'love' is thrown around a lot, but what exactly is it?  Lovers use that word, after they meet, to explain to the other the overflowing feeling of happiness and warmth they feel for the other.  Parents use the word to describe...
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