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Liz Tunna
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I'm not sure what exactly compelled me to not carry on with GUCR (for the second year in a row). It all started well. I felt positive and happy and was really looking forward to the adventure. The weather was hot, but it was breezy and that gave lots of positives and some much appreciated relief from the toastie. There was even a sprinkle of rain early on. I was enjoying the casual canal chat with lots of friendly runners and I was feeling prepared.

At the first CP, I was almost 50 mins ahead of the cutoff and feeling good. At CP 2, I picked up an ice lolly from the shop, nipped to the toilet and was around 30 mins ahead of the cut-off. I had gotten a bit slower, but not terrible. At CP 3, I refuelled and filled up my water bladder and still felt ok. But not long after leaving that CP at 36 miles, I started to feel emotionally rubbish. My shoes had been rubbing my right arch a little and I had changed them at that CP. But it was nothing major as I had already taped them. Still, any little niggle was getting to me. Then, the zipper on a pocket on the top of my rucksack jammed and it really got to me. I put my rucksack down to try and unjam it and then a spider crawled onto it = a mini freak out. I then had this overwhelming sense that I was wasting time. I started to recount all the times that I had done GUCR and the time it had approximately taken me to reach the next CP at 53ish miles. I started to overanalyse and then worry. This was now the dreaded CP that I had dropped at last year. And last year, I still had lots of time to go through it if I'd wanted to, more time that I calculated I'd have this year. I got emotional and something just crumpled in my mind and I rang Jon and started to cry. All the happy families enjoyed their weekends along the canal only compounded this overwhelming feeling of loneliness. If I'd been strong, I could have gotten past it, I always had before. But I didn't want to. I just mentally checked out. I didn't want to be alone. And maybe having completed GUCR before had made me feel numb on the whole matter. Part of me thought, I've done this before, what have I got to prove. Then, the ultra runner part of my head thought, what the heck is wrong with me, I wanted to come back and prove myself again, because I failed last time, even if I have succeeded before. Those successes fade, surely, and it's never enough. We always want more. The failures and DNFs I've had have left more of an impression on me than my successes. I become hyper critical of myself.

Ultimately, it came down to my head not being in the game. And another 100 miles, although doable on little positive mental attitude, is painful. I didn't want to torture myself. 

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Thoughts

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http://lizogical.blogspot.co.uk/ - Liverpool to Leeds bloggage - just before the year is out. I ran this in August ha! So disorganised. 

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A massive rambling 'essay' of thoughts on my hardest and slowest 145 mile run/walk/crawl/hobble ever.
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