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Kelly Bartlett
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134 followers
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Kelly's posts

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Like an iceberg, the bulk of behavior’s “mass” is found below the surface; it is what gives rise to the part that is visible.  Behavior is triggered from feelings, which stem from the more deeply rooted needs of a person. These are not needs like, “I need candy/ I need a new toy/ I need to play video games.” Basic human needs consist of things like autonomy, safety, security, trust, empathy, understanding, adequate sleep and nutrition, a sense of belonging and inclusion, competency, respect, and love.

When a child’s basic needs are met, he feels satisfied, connected, secure, confident. The behavior looks “good.”

If a child’s needs are not met, he may feel insecure, afraid, angry, or detached. The behavior that shows, then, looks to be what we might call “unacceptable” as the child reaches out to try to satisfy these unmet needs. This occurs subconsciously, of course; a child is not able to articulate: “You know mom and dad, I have not felt included in the family since the new baby arrived, nor have I felt respected when I speak, so I’m going to be whiny and belligerent for a while.” His needs are valid; his feelings are valid. But he is misguided in his attempts to rectify them.

What we must do as parents is, in the face of misbehavior, remember that 90% of what is going on is below the surface. We must look deep to ensure the child is getting everything he needs, for behavior builds from there.
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There is no right answer for all children, but there is a right answer for your child.

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Just like our homes, sometimes the parenting advice we've accumulated over the years needs to be "de-cluttered." Here's how you can keep things simple...

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Keep your iPhones, keep your TVs, and keep your video games. Keep reading ebooks (especially this one!). The key lies not in banishment, but in balance. This resource is meant to help parents understand the value of interpersonal connection, as well as the enjoyment of our devices, and to help you find a balance that works for your family.

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So excited for the release of my next ebook, co-written with Jane Nelsen! It gives tips and tools for finding a balance of your family's media use. Spend less time connecting to screens and more time connecting to each other. http://www.kellybartlett.net/books.htm
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What empathy sounds like for our kids' difficult feelings...some examples of how to "sit in the dark" with them.

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Encouraging a child to try new things doesn’t mean taking whatever means necessary to lure him out of his comfort zone. It means strengthening a child’s inner senses of autonomy, confidence, security and resilience for him to be able to step out there on his own.

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My article for Green Child Magazine, "Natural Discipline for the Early Years," has over 25,000 pins! Wow!

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Lately I’ve been noticing these small things–habits and practices that I feel play a big role in our family’s well-being. These may or may not be the moments our kids will remember years from now (although I probably will), but I know they matter today, right now. Here are some of the little things we do that have a big impact…
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