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Dave Pacheco
I am why we can't have nice things. I could be ANYONE!
I am why we can't have nice things. I could be ANYONE!

Dave's posts

Too long to post here, but my blog has some pretty in-depth analysis on how C3-PO is actually a Sith Lord.

Roger Ailes and Bill O'Reilly got paid millions more to leave Fox than the women they harassed received in settlements: $65 million versus $20 million (approx).

So for all the men saying that women only make these claims in order to extort money, here's the lesson: apparently It pays much, much better to BE a sexual harasser than to be sexually harassed.

They could just replace Bill O'Reilly's show with a program called "RE: FWD: re: re: RE: Emails from your racist uncle"

If there is any absolute truism about political discussion, it's that someone who unironically uses the phrase "WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!" can be safely ignored.

They are fun to watch though, in the same way prophets repeatedly predicting the end of the world ("And this time we mean it™!") are fun to watch as they rationalize why their LAST prophecy didn't come true, but THIS time it's 100% guaranteed.

Hey +Steve Pirk! Look what I found about your hero!

"Infowars founder Alex Jones was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder in a psychiatric evaluation, the divorce case manager confirmed during his custody trial in Austin on Wednesday. Austin psychologist Alissa Sherry said that a different doctor compiled the report, part of what she said was the most time-consuming divorce case she has ever worked. People diagnosed with NPD typically show traits including a lack of empathy, arrogance, and a propensity for grandiose fantasies. They are also frequently described as manipulative and demanding."

LOL. Sounds about right to me.

The "delusional" part is a subset of "grandiose fantasies", one assumes. That plus his apologies for the "pizzagate" tinfoil hat conspiracy, and the fact that everything he does is just for show and to garner attention (even though he doesn't believe it) is a really great summary.

"999, what is your emergency?"

"<sobbing> There is a BUSTLE in my HEDGEROW!"

"Please ma'am, do not be alarmed now."

If you don't know how big an American football field is, you are at an extreme disadvantage at understanding any discussion of scale.

In my discussions, I use the "lightpenis" as my standard unit of measure of both time and distance: depending on context, it's (a) the time a photon takes to travel the length of my penis in a vacuum, or (b) the distance a photon travels in 3.34398014e-8 seconds in a vacuum.

Unless it's a particularly cold day. And yes, I am taking into account quantum dilation. Which is also its nickname.

As to why my penis is in a vacuum, that's a scientific inquiry which the margins of this book are too limited to contain. BUT NEXT TIME PLEASE KNOCK BEFORE COMING INTO MY BEDROOM.

Student exercise: how long was the Kessel Run in lightpenii?

You wouldn't think that Trump supporters would have what they think is a rational, consistent reason to defend the White House's decision to not release visitor logs.

But of course they do.

It's all part of a brilliant 4-D chess game. Because it's far easier to contort reality into a pretzel than to accept your savior isn't the brilliant strategist you thought he was: he's just a random, run-of-the-mill scam artist.

Because you aren't stupid, right? You don't make stupid decisions or vote for incompetent candidates... therefore anything incompetent your candidate does MUST be part of a bigger plan, because otherwise.. might have to admit you got scammed.

The human brain is an amazing device.

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Good news everyone! Bob Marley is back, and on tour!

These stress balls taste awful
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