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Dave Pacheco
617 followers -
I am why we can't have nice things. I could be ANYONE!
I am why we can't have nice things. I could be ANYONE!

617 followers
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Couldn't figure out why I couldn't unlock my iPhone with the fingerprint reader until I remembered that I am a being of pure light and energy who has transcended his physical nature... duh, no fingerprints, lol.

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Number of Trump supporters who touted the Carrier and Ford "deal" as proof that Trump was going to fulfill his promises to keep jobs in the US and bring back manufacturing? Approximately all of them.

Number who read the details and realized it was a giveaway of $7 million dollars to a company who was investing $16 million in automation that would result in even more jobs being lost? Or who noticed that the majority of jobs "saved" in the deal were jobs that were never going away in the first place? Maybe a handful.

Number who are reading these followup articles and realizing that jobs aren't being saved, manufacturing is still going away, and it was all a trumped-up lie to score political points? Approximately none of them.

It's easier to continue to believe than to admit you fell for a lie.

$10 says Bannon really wanted Trump to give the Pope a book by Martin Luther as a power move, but an aide screwed up the Amazon order.

So how did you get that scar?

ME: I was defending this little old lady from some knife-wielding--

Elena: He was trying to juggle two raccoons.

Every garage in the US is home to a boxed breadmaker that was received as a gift and has been used exactly once, and every garage sale in the US offers at least one novel from Jodi Picoult, Sue Grafton, Clive Cussler AND/OR Tom Clancy.

The horse that just won the Preakness.

The horse's name.

Is Cloud Computing.

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Burn it all down.

For those cautious about following, resharing or even paying attention to the left-wing equivalent of the Tea Party tinfoil hat conspiracy theorists, make sure Louise Mensch is on your "Yeah, No" list.

AMENDMENT 28:

SECTION 1
If, during the course of a duly-conducted election, the nation manages to elect a petulant whiny man-child instead of a President, the Rights of the People to call a mulligan shall not be infringed.

SECTION 2
The Rights of the People and the Free Press to treat the petulant man-child in a way he considers "unfair" cannot be denied or abridged.

SECTION 3
"I resign as President, effective immediately" is considered a legally-enforceable statement and fits into the 140-character limits of a Tweet. Not really a Constitutional issue or a right here; just sayin'.

A billionaire man-child whining about how unfairly he is treated is a great, inspirational commencement speech to give to a group of kids who have committed to defending the country with their lives.

I don't know what it means to wake up with "Everything She Wants" by Wham! stuck in your brain, but I guess today is the day we find out.

[ Walks outside, piano falls on head ]
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