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Elizabeth Peterson
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Elizabeth Peterson

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So I have a dumb-phone. Not a smart phone. My phone is a Motorola, about 4yrs old, just starting to fall apart. New phones have 'autocorrect'. My phone has a vastly limited dictionary spawned in some other country, that fails...
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Elizabeth Peterson

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I have a lot of weird conversations with Hubby. We value wit, debate, and discussion... When that fails I accuse him of bizarre crimes. Especially the crime of being frugal. The most entertaining conversation recently happene...
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Elizabeth Peterson

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An important read for anyone who has thoughts on Mental Health
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Elizabeth Peterson

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I wrote a short story for a challenge. Now available to read!
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Elizabeth Peterson

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Insanely long discussion post about "What is 'creepy'?" Reposted here.

 I often hesitate to put my name on these sort of triggery topics. but I think I see an area of disconnect in the definition of 'creepy'. Here's the difference between creepy and awkward.
I am awkward socially. I know a LOT of men who are geeks, anti-social, weird. We say things that make people look at us wrong. Sometimes these guys say weirdly creepy, semi-violent, or stupid jokes that other people WOULD NOT GET. One friend has so much trouble functioning normally that he finds it hard to even get a job because he gets so stressed during the interview. This is awkward. And it's NOT that persons choice or fault.
Here's the difference, I feel SAFE around my friends, as a 5ft tall woman with very little self defense training. I KNOW they would not hurt, corner, harass, or do anything I did not agree with.

Creepy is different. Creepy as defined as 'creeper' or proto-rapist, is a term specifically reserved for the asshole who deliberately finds women who are too nice to say no, and pushes into her comfort zone because HE feels he is ENTITLED to her attention. (The use of entitlement really caught my eye earlier, because it can make me twitchy.) ENTITLEMENT is that very notion of I am selfabsorbed, and I feel all things BELONG to me.
Are you a creeper? Well, if a girl disagrees with you at a con, do you try to locate her somewhere else where she can no longer avoid you to MAKE her recognize that you are sorry, you were wrong, and you NEED to make her understand something? (Earmarks for obsession, you're needs trump her need to just escape a conversation and have fun elsewhere.)
You are talking to girl, maybe she likes you. You make weirdly intimate comment and she gets that look. (oh no, he's creepy!) You try to smooth things over but she clearly isn't receptive and she walks away. As tempting as it might be to 'fix' the social faux pas, how and WHERE you try to explain yourself are VERY relevant. If you walk up to her and her friends, and say 'Sorry I said something weird earlier." That's fine... But if you try to corner her alone in the hall outside the bathroom, being ALONE with a strange GUY makes any normal woman nervous, and WAY more likely to be freaked out by what you do. DON'T corner women.
A Creeper recognizes that the girl is less likely to be openly rude to him if he pretends to 'just be awkward' and appears to be a 'nice guy'. A creeper is using this as a defense for DELIBERATELY engaging in behaviors that women have told him NOT TO DO.
Creepers justify their behavior with narcissism, putting their needs before others, passive aggressive behavior coming on too strong in a time or place where a woman is less likely to shoot him down, and ultimately convincing themselves that everyone who tries to HELP them better themselves is in fact 'against them' and out to 'make them feel bad'. 
If this is not you, if people have not repeatedly tried to help you approach women better. If you can understand why a woman reacted negatively and not hate her for it, or if you feel genuine remorse for upsetting women in your company. Congrats, you are not a Creeper.
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Have her in circles
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Penelope Medina's profile photo
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K. E. Robison's profile photo
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