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John Barry
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By Applause, Who Hates Audience Polling?
The thing that turns me off the fastest when watching an open mike is a comedian who’s polling the audience. “Hey have you guys heard of X?” I immediately have something better to do. Get a beer, double check my setlist out back, compliment a prior comedian...

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I wrote three new jokes today
But I am not going to go to an open mic because of the perpetual war of 5 AM wake ups for the gym, open mics that last till midnight, and the perpetual hamster wheel of my head post-mic. It's an agreement I made with myself/wife - this is a night off/in wit...

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Hello there
I'm doing comedy again. That strongly implies I'll be spewing vitriol here as well. I'm attempting to approach it with humility and a beginner's mind. We'll see. I'll probably get 6 open mics under my belt and start weeping that I'm a misunderstood genius w...

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 GrubHub's social media campaign is the worst - the only thing that makes me want to never order from them again is the shit they want me to tell my friends.

To Google+:
I am not a brony, contrary to what my search history is telling you. I HAVE A THREE YEAR OLD WHO LIKES TO COLOR.
Stop making My Little Pony stuff hot in my feed.

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Wake up! I got a real bad feeling
How many bones do you suppose they're keeping?
Don't make a sound they're not dead, just sleeping. . .

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Voter turnout: 12% of the 20-30 demo voted. Next time I hear ANYTHING about student loans they can get a big can of "fuck off"
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