Puberty has started, obviously. Yay for mood swings!
My change of name paperwork hasn't been processed yet. I filed it ten weeks ago. Two weeks ago, I called and found out that it was sitting on the desk of someone who was on an extended vacation. Last Monday, I called and spoke to her. She told me that the paperwork had been ready since early September, she just had to enter a few things into the computer and then mail it out to me. She said she'd get right on it and I'd get it in the mail by Wednesday, Thursday at the latest.
I called again today to ask what happened. She wasn't at her desk, so I spoke with someone else. They checked her desk for me and found my paperwork at the bottom of a pile of papers, completely untouched.
I'm running out of time. If the paperwork isn't processed very soon, my daughter's birth certificate won't have the correct name for me on it, and that will really upset me...
I'm still trying to find a new Endocrinologist, and still working with a therapist to get over the trauma of my visit to the last one. I never expected the Endo's office to be hostile to trans people and every single other doctor to be super accepting.
I've developed a nasty cough due to a problem with or near my vocal cords. My speech pathologist has told me to stop trying to speak in a feminine manner until I can get an ENT to look at it. She's worried about me causing permanent harm. I don't really feel comfortable leaving the house now since I have to either not talk, or cause potential harm to my voice.
Because of timing issues at work, my bosses and I decided it was best if I didn't come out until my parental leave at the end of the month. However, my group is moving buildings in a week. The new building does not have individual gender-neutral handicapped restrooms like my current one does. This means I'll have to use the men's room for two weeks if I need to use the bathroom at work. This makes me extremely uncomfortable and I can't even describe how anxious I am about that. But, there really isn't any other option that makes sense. They would let me come out sooner if I insisted, but this way honestly works out best in the long run. It'll just be really uncomfortable for a week and a half or so. Really, really uncomfortable. Sigh.
To be clear, my work has repeatedly told me I can come out whenever I want at this point, but without being able to speak in a feminine manner, without having time to do various things I wanted to do ahead of time (like transition my eyebrows, learn to put on makeup, and pierce my ears), and with the hormonal transition only just starting, I just decided I wasn't comfortable with it and wanted to wait for that three week break.
So yeah, I'm upset and anxious about a lot of things, and my attempt to relax and put all the stress aside this weekend backfired, so I'm even more stressed than I was before the weekend. And then worse after seeing the end of Season 8 of Dr. Who last night (seriously, Moffatt??). And then more worse after people's replies to my venting post earlier today. I'm really not in a good place right now. :(