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Nicole Smith
139 followers -
Wife, Daughter, Sister, Friend and just recently - mother to sweet Olive, our angel baby.
Wife, Daughter, Sister, Friend and just recently - mother to sweet Olive, our angel baby.

139 followers
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Some of you have commented to me that you weren't sure why I didn't write much when Abner was an infant. Some of that had to do with the fact that I was just plain tired, but most of it was that I was struggling with characteristics of myself that were coming to the surface - things I was learning about myself that I really didn't like. Sleep deprivation and constantly being needed were all things I had been longing for for so long, yet once they were here I was drained of every ounce of energy I had. On top of that I was putting on a smiling face to show everyone that I had never been happier now that I finally had a baby here on earth.

The truth was, I wasn't always happy.
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Am I Enough?
Like some of you, I suffer with never feeling like I'm enough. I struggled a lot after Olive passed away with my new identity.  I knew I was a mother, but not having a child on earth made it very difficult for the outside world to see me as one.  It almost ...
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Today, out of nowhere, I was stopped dead in my tracks - holding my breath, unable to move for a few moments. Today, I heard it - I've never heard it before - not in public anyway, only in my head.

"C'mon, Olive. Come here, Olive - this way, sweetie."
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The Little Girl Named Olive
When you lose someone you love, Your life becomes strange, The ground beneath you gets fragile, Your thoughts make your eyes unsure; And some dead echo drags your voice down Where words have no confidence. Your heart has grown heavy with loss; And though th...
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There are clearly still times I wonder what life with an almost two year old little girl would be like. I wonder what she would look like, whose personality she would most take after and whether she'd be a better sleeper than her brother. In my heart I know her, I have her pictured, I have her figured out. But in my head she's still just a blur of emotions and moments.
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I Don't Know What to Buy Her
The month of July is a tough one.  Or at least it has been for about two years now.  For loss families, the days and weeks leading up to the birth and/or death of their child can be tricky to navigate.  Many parents have said that they tend to become anxiou...
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Well, it only took 6 months but I finally found the time to finish Abner's birth story.
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Abner's Birth Story
If my lack of writing is any indication to you how life has been, you'll understand that I've been completely consumed.  Becoming a stay-at-home mom has been more challenging (also very rewarding) than I ever could have imagined.  As this little guy grows a...
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Wow!  What a whirlwind these last 4.5 months have been.  So many times while on maternity leave I thought to myself, "Self, you should really write a blog post."
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And Then I Left You Wondering....
Wow!  What a whirlwind these last 4.5 months have been.  So many times while on maternity leave I thought to myself, "Self, you should really write a blog post." I probably started about 30 posts in my mind, but never quite brought myself to sit down at the...
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