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Nytasha Jones
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Nytasha Jones

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Nytasha Jones

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This is going to be a bit of a whine session. I'm pretty depressed and have been for a few years now. I kind of want to go out and spend some time with friends, but considering it objectively, I don't have many. Most of the people I hang around with I have very little in common with other than pot, and I usually end up wishing for the end of the night when I go out with them. This is my fault, I really wasn't taking care of myself for a while there. I haven't been biking much in years, haven't done many of the things I enjoy doing. Mostly I sit around smoking pot and watching Netflix or scrolling through Facebook. Part of me thinks any companionship to get me out of the house is a good thing, and part of me thinks the wrong people are the wrong people and I should hang out alone. Even with Pokemon Go, I find it very hard to get the motivation to leave the house. I am still at NIST and working for my school, but those are really the happiest things I do with my life and sometimes I even can't get the motivation to go do them. I don't know what to do honestly. I even live with one of my "friends" that I have nothing in common with (that's a whole different can of worms and he treats me pretty damn poorly I am starting to realize). It's part of the reason I was/am so eager to peace out to the other side of the country, start over fresh, maybe make an actual friend who wont literally think driving me to the grocery store is way too huge of a favor for me to ask. But the people at NIST really like me. And I really like them and what I do there. We were chatting about me staying another semester, and it really makes me want to stay here longer, but I am way too depressed for things to continue like this. I have been in a dark place for a long time now, and I think I need help to get out of it, and I don't know where to start. 
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Awwww.. crazy-critter-lady has issues.. who would have thought ;)
I really feel sorry for you Nytasha, thought you were doing alright for a while there, certainly considering the stuff that is constantly thrown on your path. OTOH, your work life seems and sounds like a dream.
And that is just it isn't it? You know you're in a good spot. You know not everyone gets that chance to smooth into a career that easy. Why then can't that be enough? Why can't you enjoy and cherish this while you know, somewhere, that you're capable and willing to do this?

I blame two things.

First off, the depression. Please don't take this too lightly, seek help. ASAP. I'm now 47, have been in a depression for eons - without addressing or even acknowledging it. Currently doing all sorts of screenings (already got an Autism diagnose) to get to the bottom of it all. Takes frakking ages. And then therapy. Might take another two or three years.
So yeah, don't wait silly, find a therapist.
Oh, mine forced me to stop smoking. Marihuana. That turned out not to be all that hard and a really REALLY good idea. Just thought I'd point that out ;)
Second, the social environment. I think, I'm afraid you're right there. If you and your situation are ever going to change, that should change too. For a myriad of reasons which I don't have to point out to you, obviously.
My oldest joked to me today about having a life and friends. Something about me playing Pokemon Go and him deleting it from his phone. It was funny but also a little painful.
But I know it's better to go through this with a low social profile then not facing this while with people who are not actually friends of me, but friends of who they make me to be. Does that make any sense?

Another thing I'd like to address is that whole "eager to peace out to the other side of the country, start over fresh". Though I understand the urge, in a been there done that fashion, I'd like to advocate against it.
Look, if you can't solve this here, you will not solve it there. That is the basis of how I started to understand life. It's what made me take the step I'm making now.
The problem is in me like it is in you. It is part of who we became to be. It won't be left behind and have our new address in no time at all.
But if you decide to work on it from where you are now, you can have your awesome job and the people there at NIST to back you up. I know you're good people. I'm pretty sure that you attract these too.

Lastly, moving house is stressful in itself. Some even liken it to the mourning process of losing a dear friend. You don't need that right now. And neither do your critters methinks. Unless you can be sure you're going to stay there for years, I would not submit them to more stress then necessary.. But my guess is that this is already in your mind ;)

So.. TL;DR: seek help asap, hang in there and keep breathing... ~bearhug~
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He's so dumb omg I love this idiot bird so much
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I was so worried about the critters when I went to GA for a week to bury my grandmother. This is what I came home to. Little baby! <3
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Little Spaghetti! 🐍🐍❤
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Oh my.. Loving the colors.. Big Candy Snake... Looks absolutely tasty
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❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
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The stuff of nightmares. Lmao
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Check out my new Ekans
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Critical thinker
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  • Bug's Bugs
    Owner, 2012 - present
  • National Institute of Standards and Technology
    Research Intern, 2015 - present
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H. sapien
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Pixel Cox, Si Crete, Johnson McMarmot, Pixel Jones... Variations.
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