Awwww.. crazy-critter-lady has issues.. who would have thought ;)
I really feel sorry for you Nytasha, thought you were doing alright for a while there, certainly considering the stuff that is constantly thrown on your path. OTOH, your work life seems and sounds like a dream.
And that is just it isn't it? You know you're in a good spot. You know not everyone gets that chance to smooth into a career that easy. Why then can't that be enough? Why can't you enjoy and cherish this while you know, somewhere, that you're capable and willing to do this?
I blame two things.
First off, the depression. Please don't take this too lightly, seek help. ASAP. I'm now 47, have been in a depression for eons - without addressing or even acknowledging it. Currently doing all sorts of screenings (already got an Autism diagnose) to get to the bottom of it all. Takes frakking ages. And then therapy. Might take another two or three years.
So yeah, don't wait silly, find a therapist.
Oh, mine forced me to stop smoking. Marihuana. That turned out not to be all that hard and a really REALLY good idea. Just thought I'd point that out ;)
Second, the social environment. I think, I'm afraid you're right there. If you and your situation are ever going to change, that should change too. For a myriad of reasons which I don't have to point out to you, obviously.
My oldest joked to me today about having a life and friends. Something about me playing Pokemon Go and him deleting it from his phone. It was funny but also a little painful.
But I know it's better to go through this with a low social profile then not facing this while with people who are not actually friends of me, but friends of who they make me to be. Does that make any sense?
Another thing I'd like to address is that whole "eager to peace out to the other side of the country, start over fresh". Though I understand the urge, in a been there done that fashion, I'd like to advocate against it.
Look, if you can't solve this here, you will not solve it there. That is the basis of how I started to understand life. It's what made me take the step I'm making now.
The problem is in me like it is in you. It is part of who we became to be. It won't be left behind and have our new address in no time at all.
But if you decide to work on it from where you are now, you can have your awesome job and the people there at NIST to back you up. I know you're good people. I'm pretty sure that you attract these too.
Lastly, moving house is stressful in itself. Some even liken it to the mourning process of losing a dear friend. You don't need that right now. And neither do your critters methinks. Unless you can be sure you're going to stay there for years, I would not submit them to more stress then necessary.. But my guess is that this is already in your mind ;)
So.. TL;DR: seek help asap, hang in there and keep breathing... ~bearhug~