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Maitri Libellule
Maitri is a writer, and artist who lives with 4 rescue pugs & a grey parrot on the coast of NC.
Maitri is a writer, and artist who lives with 4 rescue pugs & a grey parrot on the coast of NC.
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Maitri's posts

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"And in the middle of it all I was struck by something so big, so profound, for me, that I just stopped and sat in awe. It was like one of those corny shows where someone says, "She's BA-ACK!" I am back. For the first time since the fire over three years ago where I lost not only my possessions, my 4 beloved parrots, my business, my financial security, the dreams I had been building since 1999, I lost myself, I lost all sense of myself, I lost the woman who wrote books -- nevermind that they didn't sell, I could write them, but after the fire, other than a blog post, I couldn't write a thing. I couldn't journal, I started countless books and trailed off to nothing, I didn't know who I was or what I should be doing or how I should be doing it. I was so lost I didn't think I could ever be found again. I have suffered debilitating anxiety and depression and barely had the will to live. My life has been defined by my writing since I was 9 years old. In a childhood of abuse writing saved my life and it has saved me over and over again and when I couldn't write I couldn't understand how to be in the world. Today I was journalling and working on the book, back and forth, fast and faster, almost laughing with glee. And it startled me, and then it felt so right, I almost went down on my knees in gratitude, I was home."

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"I said 2 days ago that it was time. I picked a Composition Book up from the pile and looked at it closely. I felt the smooth pages. I smelled them. I clutched that bright pink notebook to my heart and it all came back, the joy of it all, why I had always loved keeping a journal, how it made me feel after I had lived my way through something and then written about it, making it all real, how I would come to the journal lost and find my way in its pages. I thought and felt so much, but I couldn't make myself write. It is sitting here beside me now..."

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"I am learning how to smile again. These are my first baby steps toward inviting joy into my life. I have just come through a long tunnel of anxiety, depression, and despair, when I didn’t think I could ever smile again, and I am building a practice now so that when the hard times come I will be ready..."

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"Would you like to be a joyful old lady too? Do something nice for yourself today, buy yourself flowers, or something lovely that you have really wanted. A special teacup is a grand thing and you can get one for $1 or less at a thrift shop. Find ways to cultivate joy and as you do I’d love it if you’d share them with me..."

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"This is what I'm counting on. The quiet contemplation. The reliance on an old friend to bring me peace of mind and an easing of the heart. I'm not sure what this work is that I'm meant to do but I know that it's coming and I need to be ready. I need to sit here with my notebook and pen and cup of tea at my side and be ready to catch the answers when they come and run with them. I think this is a good plan. And now I shall begin. The kettle is on. Tea will be ready soon."

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"I am writing these words to you now, I am slipping them carefully as if into an envelope made of beautiful handmade paper. I am sending them with care and love to you where you are. If you are suffering and afraid know that there is more than this. There is the mud, there is the lotus, there is our life, and we will tend it well. We will find our way."

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"In Gift From The Sea Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote, “Every step, even a tentative one, counts.” It is time to begin to take those first tentative steps. I feel a bit like I am stumbling in the dark but I am determined to find my way. I will navigate by the light of the moon. My journey to healing has begun."

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Due to my mental health challenges and needing to take a break for self care and treatment I am stopping the podcasts for now.

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I can only take one day at a time. Each day is a mountain to climb. This week I am praying that my medications will be adjusted and I will level out. I hope and I pray. And I have written my way up one side and down the other side of the mountain today. I have made it through the hours...

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Holy moments in the midst of anxiety; Depression and a shrinking world; Is there value in daily podcasts?; Gratitude.
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