Hello. My name is Zach. I was hoping for some feedback on a short story that was written to explain some of my character's history. I play role playing game with a group of friends, but instead of focusing on battle and loot, the GM encourages us to create "real" characters that have strong reasons for the things that they do. Its mostly about character development in our games.
Anyway, here is one piece of history of a gnomish sorcerer I've just created. Please let me know if it feels like you've learned something about who he is once you've read it.
History: Entry 2
Grandmama asked to see me once when I was ten. I thought she wanted to see the new things I had learned at school. My last performance for her must have been great, for her to ask for
my presence again so soon. I gathered my best props and waited with the guard outside her chambers. The guards never react to anything, so I did not feel rude practicing a
few of my best moves while I waited. He looked better in a rainbow outfit, anyway.
The guard finally opened the door, which was normal. A giggle escaped my lips as I walked into the study.
Sitting, legs crossed, reading a book, she seemed to not notice my entrance, which of course was an impossibility. After a few moments of my practiced, politeful silence, she finally looked up.
Slowly, painfully slowly, Grandma's gaze met mine. Instead of the bright, warm smile I had been so accustomed to, as well as the mischievous twinkle in her eyes, she instead starred at
me with an alarming amount of... intensity. She patted the red cushion next to her on the couch.
After a moment contemplating whether she knew I stole extra cookies out of the kitchen the previous night, I guiltily took my seat beside her. The normal loving hug
that was our ritual, never came.
I sat looking at my shoes for what felt like ages. I turned them green, red, purple, then green again. Silence.
Slowly, under its own volition, my traitorous hand snuck into my pockets and brought forth my...sin. I held out the three stolen cookies, one half eaten.
More silence. Followed sharply by silence.
Oh goodness, this really is going to be bad! I cautiously looked up into her waiting gaze. I was shocked to see the HINT of tears swelling around her gorgeous, turquoise eyes.
"No no, that's fine, child".
She took the cookies from my hand, placed them on the table, and held my trembling fingers with both of hers. Her hands were very warm, which was normal. The squeeze was not. It almost hurt.
She tried to speak a few times, but stopped herself. I could tell she was searching for the right words.
"Yesterday, you had... conversation... at school. Yes?"
All I could do was nod my head.
"And during one of these conversations, you spoke of something new, something you've never spoken about before, yes?"
My eyes grew large as I searched my memory. I had mentioned to my friend, Deragon, that I thought we knew more about magic than our supposed "teacher".
"No no, child. You were right on that account."
My eyes grew even larger as I thought back. Gazedra. I had told one of the other boys, Vinch, that she was the prettiest girl in school.
"No no, sweet child. She's quite pretty".
Searching. Searching. I opened every metaphorical door in my mind, trying to find the moment that had so upset Grandma...
Fear pierced my heart. I could no longer feel the warmth of her hands, or the soft cushions beneath us. It grew. I could not smell the pleasant fragrance
of the candles in her study, or the faint deliciousness of the stolen cookies sitting on the table. It grew. All I could sense was paralyzing terror, as it consumed my mind just as surely
as a powerful beast could devour my flesh.
"Yes, child. THAT conversation".
The terrible image of being devoured by something scary and brutal became clearer in my mind.
"No no, child, not YOU. Never you".
Her gaze left me, which was a small comfort, and slowly turned to the spiral staircase beyond the archway, not far from us. I could make out figures, standing, each a
few steps higher than the last.
"It spread like wildfire."
The light began to leave us, moving ever so slowly, into the stairwell.
"You told Deragon, who told Vinch, who told Gazedra".
I saw their eyes first. Big. Wide. Cold. All three, looking at me.
Something squeezed my hand. Something that did not feel like Grandma. I did not bother looking to my side.
"I love you more than words could ever say."
There wasn't much skin left. There wasn't much of anything left. Deragon and Vinch waived goodbye and moved up the stairs.
"You could betray me, steal from me, hurt me, lie to me. You could even destroy me, and all would be forgiven."
What was left of Gazedra paused before its final step, the step that would move her from my vision forever. Her one eye, the only one left, filled with sorrow, gazed at me for the last time.
"But the one thing you can never do".
I turned my head where Grandma had been, and only saw darkness.
"If you care for the ones around you"
I looked back at the staircase.
"Is to speak the name".
Gazedra was gone.