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Victoria Bourque
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Psychotherapist, Hypnotherapist, Thrive Consultant.
Psychotherapist, Hypnotherapist, Thrive Consultant.

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💗 We have been looking recently at the process of making a change in your life and today I would like to focus on treating yourself well during that process 💗

If we are not careful, we can believe that unless we treat ourselves like a strict sergeant major, we will be lazy, unmotivated and likely to fail.

In reality, the opposite is true: if we treat ourselves with kindness, respect and self-compassion we are much more likely to reach our goals and actually find the process calmer, more enjoyable and somewhat easier 😃

If you would like to read about the 5 Top Benefits of Self-Compassion here is a link to my blog about it: http://www.victoriabourque.uk/the-top-5-benefits-of-self-compassion/

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#mentalhealth #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #panicattacks #socialanxiety #emetophobia #lowselfesteem #letstalkaboutmentalhealth #thriveprogramme #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #endstigma #mentalwellbeing #selfcompassion
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❄️Your process of change will be as individual and unique as you are ❄️

😔 It can therefore be extremely demoralising to compare your progress with someone else’s.

🤔 Instead make a conscious effort to think: how am I doing for me?

👀 Doing this means that you will be viewing your progress from an INTERNAL rather than a EXTERNAL perspective.

🌟 This is so important because looking externally will always give you an unstable view of your progress as it will be based on:

1. How other people are doing and/or

2. On other people’s opinions

Instead, base your progress on an overall, supportive, realistic appraisal of your effort, capabilities, worth, achievements and what you are learning.

#youdoyou #mentalhealth #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #panicattacks #socialanxiety #emetophobia #lowselfesteem #letstalkaboutmentalhealth #thriveprogramme #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #endstigma #mentalwellbeing
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⛵️ “Calm seas never made a good sailor”...... during the process of change you are going to experience blips, wobbles, good days and bad days.

⬆️⬇️ It is key to recognise that everybody has ups and downs ⬆️⬇️

➕➕ We can learn to respond to blips and wobbles in a helpful way. This is so important for getting back on track.

Helpful responses include:

➕ UNDERSTANDING that blips, wobbles, mistakes and set-backs are part of the learning process where we can learn new strategies and insights

➕ MINIMISING the blip: make sure you don’t make a huge drama out of a small slip-up

➕TOLERATING the uncomfortable emotions that may come with blips, mistakes and set-backs. This relates particularly to perfectionists- because perfectionism is a fear of failing, perfectionists can benefit in particular from learning to tolerate the emotions that can accompany making mistakes

➕ RECOGNISING when you are prolonging the blip: brooding and worrying about it only serves to focus your attention on the blip, wasting the energy you could be using getting yourself back on track

❤️ BEING KIND TO YOURSELF: beating yourself up will lead to unnecessary guilt, frustration, anxiety and stress about the blip and serves no purpose at all. Identifying ways you were pleased about any progress you have made as a result of the blip is SO much more useful

➕ LEARNING FROM THE EXPERIENCE: what can you take from the blip that will be useful in the future?

➕ DRAWING a line under it and moving forward- the sooner the better! The people who make successful life changes are those who dust themselves off and keep going after a blip.

#mentalhealth #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #panicattacks #socialanxiety #emetophobia #lowselfesteem #letstalkaboutmentalhealth #thriveprogramme #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #endstigma #mentalwellbeing
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PACE yourself 👣 👣

A really important element in the process of change is PACING yourself- in other words putting in

Persistent
And
Continuous
Effort

You want to put in a comfortable amount of regular effort that you can sustain 😌

Think of it as travelling towards a destination: keep heading in the right direction and get there at your own speed 🚶🏻‍♀️🏃🏿‍♂️🚴🏼‍♀️🚗🚄

There may be places where you get side-tracked or the journey doesn’t go to plan. It’s okay- that’s part of the process sometimes. Just recognise WHY and WHERE you veered from your plan, LEARN from it and get yourself back on track as soon as you can.

🤔 Recognise that DOUBTS might sometimes be part of that process: making changes can feel unfamiliar at first. As long as you remind yourself of WHERE you are going and WHY you want to get there, gradually with increasing insights and experience, a growing confidence will replace those doubts 💪

It is fine to make steady progress with small, manageable improvements: it can feel a bit disorientating if you are a bit “on/off” with the effort you put in-making huge improvements during your “on-days” and thinking yourself back into unhelpful old patterns your “off-days”.

Talking of “off-days”: my next post about the process of change will be about blips and set-backs- see you next time ❤️
#mentalhealth #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #panicattacks #socialanxiety #emetophobia #lowselfesteem #letstalkaboutmentalhealth #thriveprogramme #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #endstigma #mentalwellbeing
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So you want to make a change....

You’ve got the BELIEF ✅

You’ve got the RESOURCES ✅

❓What is the final ingredient to make a successful, long-term, sustainable change?

....EFFORT! 💪💪💪

At first, this effort may feel quite daunting which is why good quality resources and support are so crucial.

Often the effort involved in making a change is a bit like pushing a big snowball over a hill- it takes a lot of energy to get it started 😩 and once it gets over the hump and gathers a bit of momentum, it gets easier and easier 😃

Remember when we looked at the stages involved in the process of change?

In the early stages of actively putting your knowledge and insights to practice, it will often feel like you are having to put a fair bit of effort into consciously doing things in a different way.

😩 This can be the point where people may give up if they don’t have the BELIEF that they can do it or the RESOURCES and SUPPORT to help them keep going through this stage. Remember: doing something different will feel UNFAMILIAR at first but it will feel more and more FAMILIAR with practice and repetition 😃

👍 There will come a point where the change has become your new habit- it’s second nature and it doesn’t take nearly so much effort as it did in the early days 👍

Until you reach that point, without the effort, it is unlikely that you will achieve your goals long-term. Having a realistic appraisal of your situation and setting small, achievable goals is key to putting in a nice level of sustainable effort. We’re not talking Herculean levels of effort here, which can be hard to sustain. We’re talking a nice level of persistent and consistent effort plus a big dollop of self compassion! (We’ll look at this last point more next time 👍)

#mentalhealth #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #panicattacks #socialanxiety #emetophobia #lowselfesteem #letstalkaboutmentalhealth #thriveprogramme #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #endstigma #mentalwellbeing
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Following on from my last post, the second key ingredient in making an effective, sustainable change is GOOD RESOURCES.

There are both external and inner resources, so let’s have a little look at each in turn....

EXTERNAL RESOURCES include any help, support, guidance, strategies, learning aids and materials you get to facilitate your change.

It is crucial to ensure that the resources you are using are RELIABLE and EVIDENCE-BASED so you can be sure that you are getting the best quality information and support.

When people have tried to make a change in the past and things haven’t worked out, it can be because of several factors. One of which is using resources that were unreliable, low quality or misleading. It is vital to fully research any resources you are considering using to ensure they will be giving you the best chance of success.

The Thrive Programme is evidence based and research-backed. The resources I use with my clients include:

1. One-to-one sessions either face-to-face or online

2. A manual/workbook with all the relevant content we work through together

3. Videos to watch between sessions to support the work we are currently doing

4. A journal to use to help with staying on track after completion of sessions and

5. Access to online resources.

Now let’s look at INNER RESOURCES which refers to the strengths that someone has that can be drawn on to make a successful change.

Often when I first see clients, they lack confidence in their inner strengths and resources so we are sure to work together to develop and nurture their belief in their abilities.

Next time, we will look at the third and final key ingredient in the process of change- see you then 😃

#mentalhealth #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #panicattacks #socialanxiety #emetophobia #lowselfesteem #letstalkaboutmentalhealth #thriveprogramme #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #endstigma #mentalwellbeing
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The 3 key ingredients in making a sustainable change are:

1. Belief

2. Resources

3. Effort

Today we are looking at the first key ingredient: BELIEF.

💭 Imagine THINKING about making a change but not BELIEVING that you could actually do it....

🤔 Would you put the long-term EFFORT in to making the change?

🤔 Would you see blips, set-backs and hurdles as evidence to back up your belief that you can’t actually do it, meaning that you give up when the going gets tough?

🤔 Would you quickly feel hopeless, powerless, depressed or anxious if, as is often the case when making a change, the results aren’t immediate?

🌟 You can see how important belief is when it comes to the process of change.

This is why one of the very first things I work on with clients, is identifying and then challenging the limiting beliefs that have been holding them back.

It is completely understandable and normal for it to sometimes take a little time to strongly believe that you CAN make a change. With this in mind, I work with my clients to look for and process EVIDENCE to back up their new helpful beliefs along with the experiences and skills to back them up 🌟🌟🌟

See you next time to look at the important role of good quality resources in the process of change 😃

#mentalhealth #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #panicattacks #socialanxiety #emetophobia #lowselfesteem #letstalkaboutmentalhealth #thriveprogramme #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #endstigma #mentalwellbeing
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🤷🏽‍♀️” You don’t know what you don’t know.” 🤷🏼‍♂️

In the process of change this statement is as true as it is obvious!

💭 Let’s have a little think about the stages involved in the process of making a change:

STAGE 1) You are not even thinking about making a change because you are not currently aware that there is a potential issue or that there may be a different/more beneficial way of doing things
⬇️

STAGE 2) You have become aware that there is something that you are not happy with- it bothers you and you want to change it BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW 🤔

👀 This is the stage where you might start looking for help/information/answers/solutions.
⬇️

STAGE 3) You are starting to make changes and progress but it takes active, conscious effort 💪💪
⬇️

STAGE 4) The changes and the progress you have made are second nature now: you feel confident and competent in that area and it no longer takes conscious effort 😌

Of course, no-one is the “finished article”- there is a constant evolution and sometimes it is easier to thrive and feel competent than others. However, the above stages give a good general idea about the process of change.

Next time we will start looking at what is needed to make change successful. See you soon 😃

#mentalhealth #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #panicattacks #socialanxiety #emetophobia #lowselfesteem #letstalkaboutmentalhealth #thriveprogramme #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #endstigma #mentalwellbeing #wednesdaywisdom
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🌱 There can be great power in little changes 🌳

Every client I work with wants to make some sort of change.

🌱 Sometimes this change is relatively small: they are feeling mostly okay but have recognised that life could be better and more enjoyable.

🌳 And sometimes the change they would like to make is a relatively big one because their symptoms are hugely impacting upon their daily behaviours, thoughts and functioning.

🌱 And then there are so many levels in between! 🌳

Over my next few posts I am going to talk about how I support my clients through the process of change by breaking it down into a series of adjustments rather than huge, dramatic changes which can feel quite daunting and overwhelming. I aim to make the process as easy and empowering as possible.

See you soon for more on the process of change ❤️

#mentalhealth #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #panicattacks #socialanxiety #emetophobia #lowselfesteem #letstalkaboutmentalhealth #thriveprogramme #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #endstigma #mentalwellbeing
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Wishing each and everyone of you a wonderful New Year ❤️
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