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Randy Pollestad
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Randy Pollestad

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This place sucks.
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Randy Pollestad

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Sometimes I will go pee sitting down but other times, I will shit in the sink, so I think it all evens out.
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Randy Pollestad

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Chestnuts roasting on an open fire? Sure, but just make sure it's your fire because this homeless dude is PISSED.
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Randy Pollestad

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If there is an event that requires me getting you a card, you can gauge your importance to me based on whether I make a special trip to the Hallmark store or whether you get stuck with whatever bullshit the grocery store has to offer.
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Randy Pollestad

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http://www.pollestad.net/view/632 - Spamtastic Adventures 11 - the latest entry in my "reply back to spammers" series.
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Randy Pollestad

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Been watching MILF porn and yelling "YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" at the screen all evening.
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Randy Pollestad

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If you friend request me on Facebook and your profile picture is a car, I will assume you are a transformer.
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Have him in circles
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Randy Pollestad

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Stay classy, Google+.
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Randy Pollestad

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Based on reaction alone, I'm guessing I missed the part of your invite where it said pants are required.
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Randy Pollestad

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Don't let the comedic facade fool you, I'm still just a regular guy who is not afraid to serve you right here in this funeral home if you disrespect my dance crew again.
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Randy Pollestad

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MOVIE IDEA: "Fast And Furious" but with a whole bunch of Prius V's and the entire thing takes place inside a Whole Foods parking lot.
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Randy Pollestad

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People don't like it when you describe their baby as "punchable."
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wow a post in 2012!!!!!!
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Have him in circles
52 people
Kevin R. Askew's profile photo
Marc Espina's profile photo
Lance Cantrell's profile photo
James Finch's profile photo
Howie Reed's profile photo
Peggi Hunter's profile photo
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Mentally handicapped but physically able!