Dear lovely LiLo,
You've had more than your share of problems, of run-ins with the law, of substance abuse....What seems to be troubling you, darling LiLo?
Could it be your childhood relationship with your father? With your mother? Could it be peer pressure? Could it be the "early success syndrome" which befalls so many other child stars, e.g. Dana Plato, Robert Blake, Judy Garland...
Could it perhaps be confusion about your sexual orientation? Or are you just a lonely L.A. Woman, longing for true love for a deep, meaningful, spiritually and physically-fulfilling relationship?
Beautiful LiLo, you and other beautiful women, including many models and starlets and singers, are easy prey for the hangers-on, the drug dealers, the "friends" and "lovers" who take advantage of wealthy and gorgeous young women (and wealthy and gorgeous older stars, too!), even those who latch on to famous and rich men, the gold-diggers, gigolos, parasites who, like vampires of olden times, seduce and drain the money, the life-force of their victims...?
Or could it be..............
P.S. Don't worry, be happy, lovely LiLo, chill out with a heaping bowl of Ben and Jerry's LGBT-friendly ice cream flavors: "Apple-y Ever After," (so named in honor of LGBT marriage), "Passionate P*ssy Riot," (named after the famous singers who were briefly incarcerated after insulting Count Vlad of Russia), and, my personal favorite, "Fudgepackers' Delight": (sinfully chocolate-y and rich, I gain ten pounds just thinking about it!)
After your ice cream orgasm, savor the pleasures of a truly fine cigar: the fine El Presidente Cigar, which my close personal friend Ricardo Fernando recommends most highly. Ricardo loves to suck on a fine El Presidente while cruising Hollywood Boulevard in his vintage Chrysler Cordoba with the fine Corinthian leather interior. Ricardo has been known to wear leather himself at times while seeking companionship of young men--or is it young women? (One is never sure these days, especially on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood, Los Angeles, city of broken dreams).
For the beautiful L.A. Women like you, dear LiLo, there is a choice: the fine Elle Monica cigar, a bit more petite and feminine than the massively-endowed El Presidente fine cigar.
It's your choice, darling LiLo: El Presidente or Elle Monica. Or perhaps you would enjoy savoring both, depending on your mood?
Anyway, dear LiLo, I have just one thing to say: "You look mahvelous, dahling!"
And if you don't wish to be mentored by Mr. Charlie Sheen, perhaps my close personal friend Ricardo could be your man!