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The Onion
3,427,764 followers -
America's Finest News Source
America's Finest News Source

3,427,764 followers
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A Nevada parole board granted O.J. Simpson’s request for early release from prison, where the former NFL running back has been serving time for a 2007 robbery. What do you think?

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“Will you grant permission to access your current location?” the app pleaded, desperately trying to entice you with the promise of a superior user experience, one that would have full GPS capability if only you showed yourself just for a moment.

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"Remember, all food not in immediate use should be sealed tight in a strong cloth bag or metal storage canister—otherwise the scent may lure hungry and potentially aggressive visitors to your campsite."

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Scientists warn that AI is making it easier to fabricate realistic video of a person speaking, with worrying implications for fighting misinformation online. What do you think?

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Two recent studies have concluded that Tyrannosaurus rex probably ran no faster than 16.8 mph, slow enough for a human to outrun over short distances. What do you think?

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"We proceeded to launch a broadside from our starboard cannons, delivering a direct hit to their most crucial facilities, including the engine room, water slide, and Red Frog rum bar."

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"I honestly couldn’t tell if it was coming from the power lines down the block or the overpass a few miles away, but, Jesus Christ, that was rough."

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"After reviewing preliminary figures on the annual rate of mayonnaise consumption in the U.S., we couldn’t stop gagging and decided there was absolutely no way we could pursue this topic any further."
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