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Danielle LaPorte
Creator of The Desire Map and Author of The Fire Starter Sessions: A Soulful + Practical Guide to Creating Success On Your Own Terms.
Creator of The Desire Map and Author of The Fire Starter Sessions: A Soulful + Practical Guide to Creating Success On Your Own Terms.


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Make space in your life for the inevitable arrival of what you want.
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Guesting on Positively Positive: The secret to self promotion: radiance and the facts, jack
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From the archives: What it means to forgive

“…holding no prisoner to guilt, we become free.”
- The Course In Miracles

Someone once asked me, “Have you forgiven so and so for such and such?”
And I did the puppy head tilt, “Huh?”

This question throws me for a loop.

“Well…I don’t really feel like it’s my place to forgive them,” I replied.

It’s not that I condone bad behavior, it’s not that my heart doesn’t get pinched, and it’s not that I forget – ’cause I’m not the forgettin’ type, that’s for sure. But there’s something about “forgiveness” that seems, okay, forgive me, but…arrogant.

“I forgive you.” It rings of, “I bequeath to you…I permit you…I hereby knight thee…” It feels lording. A friend asked for my forgiveness once and I felt embarrassed, and intensely reluctant to add to her shame. I started laughing. “As if,” I said. “Duh, like, whatever, it’s done, over, let’s get on with things.”

I’m a Very Big Believer in accountability. I think the Truth and Reconciliation movement is a monumental leap in humanity’s evolution. The heart can transform the ghastly into the educational, and betrayal into blessings galore. Forgiveness is a lever to our divinity. BUT…

Unexamined forgiveness is a distortion, just like “I love you,” can mean, “you fill my holes,” or, “you meet my requirements therefore I adore you.” Distorted forgiveness makes you right, which usually makes the other person wrong – the ego loves that equation. Even though your eyes are smiling while you’re saying “I forgive you,” there might be a little voice inside saying “Ha! gotchya.”

True forgiveness is…well I’m not entirely sure what true forgiveness is. I’ll let you know when I ascend to those heights of all knowingness, {in which case I’d be levitating and too blissed out to write little articles about self realization…} But I am wondering if enlightenment relies on the forgiveness formula. As The Course in Miracles puts it, “Forgiveness is unknown in Heaven, where the need for it would be inconceivable.”

Duh. My sentiments exactly.

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Curatives for judgement. (Please read before you interact with other humans.)

“Have compassion for everyone you meet, even when they don’t want it. What seems conceit, bad manners, or cynicism is always a sign of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen. You do not know what wars are going on down there where the spirit meets the bone.” - Miller Williams

He was rude. He cut you off in traffic. She’s aloof, cold, curt. He’s on the corner asking for a hand-out. She lies. He’s money hungry. She’s grossly overweight. No one returned your phone call. They left without saying goodbye.

You might never know the why behind someone’s less-than-ideal, not-the-way-you-wish-it-was behavior.

Here’s a curative for the sharp judgement that often accompanies our disappointment in others — just a single, surprising expansive phrase: You just never know.

Use it before you jump to conclusions that someone’s a jerk, or that they need an attitude adjustment, or that they could be doing better than they are.

I’ve been to enough ridiculous self-help workshops, heard enough stories in airport bars, and had enough one-on-one conversations about so-called “success” to know that there’s a story behind every demeanor. I’ve kept my own pain hidden in plain sight and thought, “If they only knew.” But you just never know…


: someone has just been diagnosed and is thinking about all they have to lose.
: their lover just texted them to say “it’s over.”
: he wakes up every day thinking he’s about to fail, fearing that everyone else in the world knows something he doesn’t.


: she’s in the middle of a divorce and is about to go on stage.
: before he was your driver, or your waiter, he was a doctor in his homeland.
: their spirit was fractured as a child by unspeakable things.
: she is frightened — all the time.
: he resists life itself — all the time.
: they are frail from lack of love.


: they’re faking loving the heart-hollowed life they fought so hard to make.
: chemicals are coursing through them in destabilizing ways.
: she hasn’t slept through the night in months and months.
: they’ve experienced a loss that will leave a gaping wound for the rest of this incarnation.
: today is especially hard and they’re doing their best, while they wish for just a little more than what they’ve got.

Suspend judgement as a practice of your faith in something true, common, and bigger than today.

Avoiding conclusions can be a monumental act of love. (Click to tweet:


I'm taking a mini sabbatical. For yoga, idea-shuffling, conversations with no agenda. Ahhh. Hence the Reprise* Series of my favourite posts. This article lives in the 100% Pure Encouragement Collection ( Please head there for more curated love & insight. xo
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Guesting on Positively Positive: Remember, you said yes to this
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Guesting on Positively Positive: 11 Productivity tips that creative types already know
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The moments that make for burning gratitude.

I was in the ladies room at a conference centre where I’d just spoken on stage. I opened the bathroom stall and there was a line up of women. “All yours!,” I gestured to the lady at the front of the line. “Oh we’re not waiting for the bathroom,” she said. “We’re all waiting to talk to you.” That was a moment, for sure.

Last week, I surprised a Book Club in LA ( And one of the women there was taking notes in The Desire Map Day Planner ( It was the first time I’d seen anyone else with the Day Planner in their hands. I made that! I thought. And she's writing in it. That was a moment.

A woman wrote me to say that she sat her man down on the sofa and asked him how he most wanted to feel (subversive desire mapping, I love it.) He said he probably hadn’t thought about how he wanted to feel since he was twelve years old. He thought about it. He melted a bit. “I want to feel respected, yah, I think one of my most desire feelings is respect.” And she lit up, “I can do that! I know how to help you feel respected!” And then it probably got a hot from there. That story was a moment for me.

The photos ( that are rolling in on social media of people with The Desire Map ( or The Fire Starter Sessions ( in their hands -- they make my heart swell -- so many moments. Two women in their kitchen hugging the book, with this caption: "World's Smallest Book Club!" Books at the beach, books being read by puppies and babies. Moments.

My gratitude for all of this burns in my solar plexus. Sometimes I push against it. I have to consciously breathe it in — choose to expand rather than contract, choose to let it melt any illusions of lack. Mostly, I breathe, and smile deeply, and say Thank you. And then I detach a bit. Because you know, I don't think I have much to do with anyone else's a-ha's ( And I just get on with being expressive…grateful…expressive…grateful.

Self expression and gratitude are sacred feedback loop. (Click to tweet:

I'm thankful that you read what I write. (There is part of my brain that has to stretch to make the connection that I send stuff ianto the ethers... and people run it through their minds.) I'm thankful for sweet, sweet interactions in the airport and grocery stores. I'm thankful for the thanks. I see every Facebook post, all the Instagrams. I read the blogs talking about DMap experiences. I don't often comment on them, but I've been there, like a shy fairy, Thank you.

. . . .

For the next few weeks I'm doing a "reprise series" of my favourite articles on the site, and running some of the interviews I've done recently -- some incredible conversations have been had. Meanwhile, I'm going to have a lite sabbatical. Hit a day time yoga class, make veggie chillie for my kid. I am going to meander... experience days without deadlines. Do some creative savanasa ( Team D and I... we are going to be making a whole new kind of art this year. I can hear the back beat already, see the hues. But first… meander time. And deepening gratitude.

Beyond words,

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Guesting on Positively Positive: What's the big real of what you're doing?
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Sex and cake. Yep. An interview with Tami Simon of Sounds True on Desire.

Tami Simon is one of my favourite Buddhists. And publishers. And women. To find a Buddhist woman who is the founder of a wisdom-based publishing house — it’s sexy divine. And, my good fortune, because Sounds True Publishing ( helped me get The Desire Map print book into the world, and with their CCO, Nancy White, we produced two audio programs that I’m very proud of: The Desire Map DAILY ( and The Desire Map EXPERIENCE (

Tami Simon doesn’t suffer fools or floppy New Age gimmicks. I expected that she’d take me to task on the foundational philosophy of desire mapping. And she did.

And it led to a contemplative look at one’s possible cravings for sex and cake. Which I’m always game for (interpret that however you like.)

Please listen in:

You can also listen to the interview on the Sounds True website here:


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Guesting on Positively Positive today. Topic: "You are the center of the universe" -
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