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Alan Paterson
Eclectic iconoclast and beer-swilling oaf
Eclectic iconoclast and beer-swilling oaf


I’m sure I was not the only one delighted by revelations that the irreplaceable Michael Gove has been putting the stick about among his minions, telling them they mustn’t use words like mustn’t, and much else besides.

Funnily enough, one or two of his edicts rang a bell with me. I also wince slightly when I see a sentence starting with ‘However’. I don’t know why. It’s what I was taught. I also have problems with ‘impact’ as a verb – though I recognise that it’s now made itself comfortable in the language, and won’t (sorry ‘will not’) be leaving anytime soon, and baulk at the redundancy of the ‘with’ in ‘met with’.  And who could quibble with a general insistence on avoiding repetition, or on being gracious in thanking people for their letters?

My favourite, though, of all the pipsqueak principles is the penultimate: civil servants should ensure (sorry, ‘make sure’) that they have ‘Not used anything too pompous’. Presumably, then, they should use only ‘things’ which are just pompous enough.


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Came across this on one of those list sites, featuring 'hilarious' mistranslations. Didn't make me laugh, but it did make me smile...

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Haven't heard this for thirty years. Once had it on a compilation tape of stuff pinched off the radio - never knew who it was or anything about it. Then up it pops on a thread about jazz recommendations and I'm back, back, back...

Came across a list of all the official World Cup slogans. 

Vote now for:

Worst (Australia must be The One To Beat)
Best (Netherlands has to be a front-runner)
Most bizarre (Bizarrely enough it must sure be Switzerland, tho' there's plucky competition from Côte d’Ivoire)

Algeria: Desert Warriors In Brazil
Argentina: Not just a team, we are a country
Australia: Socceroos: Hopping Our Way Into History!
Belgium: Expect The Impossible!
Bosnia and Herzegovina: Dragons In Heart, Dragons On The Field!
Brazil: Brace Yourselves! The 6th Is Coming!
Cameroon: A lion remains a Lion
Chile: CHI CHI CHI!, LE LE LE! Go Chile.
Colombia: Here travels a nation, not just a team!
Costa Rica: My passion is football, my strength is my people, my pride is Costa Rica.
Côte d’Ivoire: Elephants charging towards Brazil!
Croatia: With Fire In Our Hearts, For Croatia All As One!
Ecuador: One Commitment, One Passion, Only One Heart, This Is For You Ecuador!
England: The Dream Of One Team, The Heartbeat Of Millions!!
France: Impossible Is Not A French Word
Germany: One Nation, One Team, One Dream!
Ghana: Black Stars: Here To Illuminate Brazil
Greece: Heroes Play Like Greeks
Honduras: We are one country, one nation, five stars on the heart
Iran: Honour Of Persia
Italy: Let’s paint the FIFA World Cup dream blue
Japan: Samurai, The Time Has Come To Fight!
Korea Republic: Enjoy it, Reds!
Mexico: Always united, Always aztecas
Netherlands: Real Men Wear Orange
Nigeria: Only Together We Can Win
Portugal: The past is history. The future is victory.
Russia: No one can catch us
Spain: Inside our hearts, the passion of a champion
Switzerland: End Station: 13.07.2014 Maracana! Final Stop: 07-13-14 Maracana!
Uruguay: Three million dreams … Let’s go Uruguay
USA: United By Team, Driven By Passion

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Wonder if Mark Zuckerberg ever imagined that his creation would become a conduit for announcements from ministers of sovereign countries?

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I'd probably enjoy this even more if I was an engineer...

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I used to sell that model Kenwood Chef, which kind of dates these ads. (Not to mention me.)

And people say things haven't changed...

(I'm not saying everything's tickety boo, but still...)

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Industrial sculpture - beautiful!

Leon just sent me 169 pages of Baudrillard. Never come across the feller before, but he's a barrel of laughs. Take this, from page 3:

The real is produced from miniaturized cells, matrices, and memory banks, models of control - and it can be reproduced an indefinite number of times from these. It no longer needs to be rational, because it no longer measures itself against either an ideal or negative instance. It is no longer anything but operational. In fact, it is no longer really the real, because no imaginary envelops it anymore. It is a hyperreal, produced from a radiating synthesis of combinatory models in a hyperspace without atmosphere.

Gosh I'm looking forward to the next 166 pages. Thanks Leon.

A moderator on a site I frequent has been kind enough to post (links redacted) a prime slab of spam, this one for dietary supplements, and packed full of handy hints & tips. Enjoy & learn, people, enjoy & learn:


Modify losing coefficient gentle by activity for a fitness circumstance

We all eff the size one module people act an lesson info, unit experience. What we don't copulate is that most group are so focussed on losing unit that they don't actually enjoy the drill programs they mortal undertaken to accomplish their desired result.

There is cipher false with propulsion yourself to small, notwithstanding it is primary that your korea suitableness bit is enjoyable and not a chore. You module find that if you can act in an exercise process that is actually fun, you instrument generally block about the weight release treat which in play instrument counseling to a greater possibility of want point success.

There are so umpteen contrasting exercises or fleshly activities we could move to regress coefficient and amount our coverall shape levels. How do we decide which one is mortal suited to our needs? Intimately, I cogitate one of the individual approaches for selecting an lesson regime that you are achievement to set to, is to organisation and check for a suitability circumstance. It could be anything from lengthways your prototypical half project to a gnomish triathlon or smooth a swimathon. So stressed and at the very abstraction having fun whilst doing it.

Focussing on an up and reaching circumstance gift improve select your intelligence off the rigors of coefficient amount. Having an suitableness circumstance to check for is one of the top methods of running upbringing as in the individual of preparation for a half project. You status to get the miles into your legs before you try a 20 km fun run and in working to amount your shape levels for specified an event instrument in locomote service you cast those pounds. So before you undergo it you are regularly upbringing with a content in manage.
Here are terzetto tips to deed started on your soundness search:


Does this unbroken suchlike you? "I poorness to get into improved structure before I can do that." Lets get thoughtful. Not everyone who attends a fitness circumstance is an selected contestant. The reasonableness for the popularity of much events is that any one can act, what ever ability or suitability train they possess.
So set your consciousness existent goals, be disciplined and with regularized upbringing you instrument shortly pronounce that the sky's the bound.

Attain and campaign to a suitableness circumstance which allows you teemingness of period to amount your suitability levels so as to be healthy to clean your operation. Lets not choose a half marathon to run succeeding hebdomad. Be rise ready with a correct breeding plan/routine which instrument put you in tight place as you move your deadline. Until you puddle the sincerity and actually formalise up, it's only an thought. You faculty be lower liable to bound workouts because you'll essential to do your mortal in act you to play your goal.


I jazz to have that having a rhythmic training partner is one of the keys to running grooming methods. Foremost, the field of having a quaker rely on you is a eager motivational ride. Secondly, training with friends is so much many gratifying and can be the conflict between very grooming or locution, i'll go tomorrow. There is other answerableness and a disposition to strain for amended results when you make the advantageous supporting of your friends.
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