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Berneice Luciano
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Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls.

The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."

The woman replies, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."
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If you want to eat a hot dog or sandwich for lunch today, try it with only 1/4 of the ketchup and mustard. Sugar is present in these condiments, and that can cause you to consume more calories than you bargained for. If you feel you need to use them, just use small amounts.
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While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ.

"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

His wife replied, "Why, thank you, dear."
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Use whipped butter on your food. Many people don't want to replace or reduce their usage of butter. Many people like how real butter tastes. Fortunately, it is not necessary to eliminate it from your diet completely in order to shed pounds. All you need to do is eat whipped butter instead. It contains 50% fewer calories.
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If you need a healthy snack, try this: get a bag of pita chips. In a small bowl, mix peaches, berries and pears together and mash them into a dip. This tastes delicious and provides an alternative to eating fruits or bland chips by themselves. Make sure you do not eat a whole bag of chips this way.
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Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
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Be sure to get a full night of sleep each and every night. When people do not do their best to get enough rest, it increases the level of hormones in their systems that make them hungry. This means that more food will be eaten and more weight will be gained.
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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
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Diet is very important when trying to lose weight. One of the best ways to watch your diet is to eat what is healthy for 6 days, and then one the 7th day, don't worry about being on a diet. Allow yourself to have the food that you craved but couldn't have all week.

Choose one place in your home to eat. The area you choose should only be used for eating and nothing else. A great choice is the dining room table. The concept behind this is that you will associate this certain spot with eating, and you will not want to eat all over the house.
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