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K Lira
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The day I gave my husband permission to die
On Sunday, February 12th I felt so strongly that I needed to give my husband permission to die. But I didn't want to. He was so tired. Tired from the two years of cancer treatment. Tired of the many hospital stays. Tired from the paralysis. His body was wea...

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Where was God when my spouse was dying?
At the age of 29 my husband was diagnosed with cancer. In the course of two years he was hospitalized 18 times. He endured 14 brutal cycles of chemotherapy. He spent more than 400 nights separated from his two children. He experienced intense pain within hi...

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Giving your shattered dreams to God when a spouse dies
My husband and I were married for 7.5 years. With the
exception of two work trips for me and a short trip to California, my husband
and I spent every single day of the last 7.5 years together. When he was
healthy, we spoke on the phone multiple times a day ...

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Why I can't watch HGTV anymore
I used to love watching HGTV. When my husband was diagnosed with cancer in December of 2014 we sat in the emergency room waiting for the results of the CT scan, praying it was just pneumonia. HGTV's Fixer Upper played in the background. Mel would eventually...

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Why Satan doesn't want me to pray
On Saturday I found myself alone in the house for the first
time since Mel passed away. There has not been one day since Mel died that I
have been without the children. And really there hasn’t been a day since probably
since April or May of last year that I...

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The challenges a young widow (and widower) face
When I go to the grocery store with my children no one would know that a month ago my husband passed away. From outside appearances, I do not match the image most of us have in our mind about widows (and widowers). I am 36. I have a five year old daughter a...

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Why the church doesn't need anymore coffee bars
More and more on my social media feeds I have been seeing a lot of churches boast of the cool, trendy new initiatives that they have begun. I have seen pictures of coffee bars that resemble Starbucks. I have seen lighting that resembles one seen on Broadway...

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All is well
On February 14th I lost my best friend. My husband. The father of my two precious children. Since then I have cried a multitude of tears. My heart feels shattered. I am 36 and the pain I feel is immense and so I can't even begin to imagine how the pain of l...

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Why didn't God perform the miracle?
If we are honest this is a question many have asked. Why didn't God perform the miracle? My husband was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. And every day we prayed for and believed God could and would perform the miracle. But He didn't. On February 14th my...

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When your spouse dies
Tuesday marked two weeks since my husband passed away. And it sucks. I don't use that word in my every day vocabulary but it does suck. Losing your spouse is hard. I know he is in heaven. I have peace that he is not suffering anymore. I am thankful that his...
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